To My Fellow Parents,
My wife and I have been living in a basement apartment in one of the developments in Lakewood for the past couple of years. As parents ourselves, we’re seeing a frightening reality: children play in the middle of the street as if cars and danger don’t exist.
We all agree that drivers must use extreme caution and drive very slowly. And we do. But even with the most care, it’s still frightening. In a split second, a toddler can dart out, or a kid riding a scooter can appear alongside a moving car. One moment children can be playing carelessly — and a moment later tragedy could unfold.
To be honest, my fear is two-fold. I don’t want any child hurt, chas v’shalom. But I also fear the personal consequences — guilt, shame, or even legal trouble — if an accident were to happen. Pedestrians are naturally viewed as vulnerable and innocent, and drivers using powerful machines are at fault. That means no matter how careful I am, if children aren’t aware of the risks, I could be blamed for something beyond my control. That responsibility weighs on me every time I drive down the block.
This past Motzei Shabbos, it became real. A while after Maariv was over, I was driving to the mailbox and a group of young girls — maybe nine years old — were sitting right in the middle of the street schmoozing. I stopped and waited, hoping they’d move to the side, but they only shuffled a few feet over, while still remaining sitting on the pavement, nowhere near the curb. I was very bothered that I had to squeeze between a parked car on one side of the street and children (sitting on the pavement) on the other. When I finally edged forward, they got up, started laughing and making faces. When I returned from the mailbox, they jeered as I passed them by, as if this was some sort of game. Then, out of nowhere, a 13 year old boy on a scooter rode right up alongside my car. Startled, I slammed on my brakes.
I rolled down my window to tell him how dangerous it was, but I was met with mockery in return. It was as if none of these children realized that one wrong step could mean their life would never be the same – and neither would mine.
I figured I would bring this to their parents’ attention. When I spoke to the parents the next day, the mother’s response shocked me. She said, “There are certain times the streets are for the kids to play in. Where else should they play? They come first. If a driver wants to pass, he should wait.” She added, “I saw you short stop. That really scared my kid.”
Scared her kid? It scared me too, terrified that one second could have led to an accident, G-d forbid.
You were outside watching!? And you didn’t say a word to your children to get out of the street!?
That’s when it hit me: these children have no fear of being in the street because their parents aren’t teaching them that the danger even exists — they’re encouraging them to view the street as a mere playground.
She then told me “You don’t have a say in where children should play because you’re a renter.” I couldn’t believe it.
Ownership doesn’t protect you from tragedy – If you’re kids are in the street, they’re unsafe. Period.
Don’t wait until a tragedy forces us to wake up. I know some developments don’t have much room for outdoor play, but every house here has a back yard, front yard and a back porch – all safe places to play. But even if there weren’t — can someone please explain to me why we are okay with children sitting and playing in the middle of the street, in the dark, as drivers have to carefully squeeze by? The schmoozing, the games, the scooters — they can all happen safely. Not in the middle of the road – it’s just too dangerous. I’m in disbelief because I thought this was a given.
The responsibility to protect our children is on us. The time to teach our children that the street is a dangerous place is when they are toddlers. If your school aged child still doesn’t understand the danger, act before it’s too late.
Shocked,
A “basement” guy.
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You are a billion % correct. I saw it on a regular city street yesterday. 2 kids scootering in the street. Not a care or thought of using the sidewalk. I inched up to them and honked super long. They looked up as if I bothered them and shuffled over. This is straight up a top down problem, parents NOT educating kids, parents NOT enforcing safety. Dangerous reality, I hope no one learns the hard way ch”vsh!
Please publish this in every weekly publication…Lakewood and beyond. It is so true and must be brought to everyone’s attention l!!
100 % agree. There are many times where I have a green light and a child on a scooter just darts out in front of my car and I need to short stop. It is so scary.
I think you should go back in your basement
Very immature comment. You sound just like the parent in this article who doesn’t have common sense and is immature.
The parent of this article isn’t immature, and is 1000% correct in his complaint.
they meant the parent who lives upstairs, not the writer of the article
You misunderstood Grown Up’s comment. They were referring to the immature mother who defended kids being in the street, not the letter writer.
My apolagies
The rest of the world says you’re a MAchshil Es HA’Rabim, and need to be charged with child abuse. Social services should take your chilren from you. The same applies for all those who allow their children to do these things.
You are either one of the stupid kids or their even more stupid parent.
This writer is just proving that this issue is so deep that those uneducated self endangering children already got older( won’t say they have “grown up”) and are now the “parents “ that are in charge of educating their children. Shomer Psayyim Hashem.
Someone who may not want to be quoted told me that he noticed that Yidden are amazing at mobilizing help in all possible ways after tragedy from food and financial to emotional and children’s emotional support and cleaning up the mess all types of messes and making an asifa afterwards however they don’t mobilize that energy in prevention of these issues.
this is just one more example.
Hashem should keep watching us all!
Exactly. Same was the article written that only after foreclosure will people arrive to help
Welcome to the new reality. You’re not alone, and I’m pretty confident to say that that kid on the scooter was not wearing a helmet…
Unfortunately, it appears that common sense is not that common anymore…
This is a huge problem in Lakewood.
Problem is is in Boro Park too
BIG TIME
Parents are crazy that they let their kids do hefker
In Brooklyn, we don’t allow are children to sit and play in the middle of the street. While we may not be perfect, we’re not murdering our own children.
I have never seen children playing in the middle of the street, and giving drivers a dirty look for not wanting to run them over. That is only in Lakewood.
Massive problem in Rockland County too and even with several tragic outcomes, nothing changes.
Children playing in the street? Well, you could blame it on the towns elected officials. Who allows homes and townhouses to be built with backyards smaller then your living room? Look at the new developments and see how much room there is between the homes. Lakewood used to have rules for setbacks on all sides of the houses. There were many rules for building that were deleted via the town officials – zoning board mostly. Why? Because the developers want to cram as many building into a piece of land as they can, and they managed to have the rules changed to suit their purposes. I’ve lived in Lakewood since 1962 so I think I know what’s going on.
Yes and No. Even if there aren’t any playgrounds or backyards that doesn’t give kids the right to play in the street. It’s Pretty cool that you’ve been in Lakewood since 1962. You must have seen a lot of change…. I’ve been in Lakewood for about 25 years and LOTS has changed. Especially the traffic situation… Anyways regarding the elected officials, these same people have voted for them, so it can’t be used as an excuse as you suggested. All the best.
It’s true that the developers have ruined the Lakewood vibe since they started building so close together. But that’s what they do. They build and they want to make money. It’s the township govt. that did not have our backs and allowed all the variances which changed all the rules. And the parents chose to live in crowded developments because they wanted newer housing. The parents made the choice to live where there is less room to play. That doesn’t mean they can use the streets as playgrounds!
I totally agree 100%
Houses in Brooklyn don’t have very big backyards and children don’t play in middle of the streets
Exactly.
This unfortunately is not completely true. I live in Toms River. We have beautiful backyards and beautiful front yards, and It seems like I’m the only parents that is telling my kids to get out of the street. Packs of boys ride through the street at high speed, and they are only 7-8 years old! It’s very tough when you are the only parent saying it…we don’t want to have to wait until a tragedy for someone to wake up.
It’s appalling- very self centered and apathetic to the damage to the larger town
Again Just blame the township,why can’t people take responsibility for their own actions.
basically there is no zoning in Lakewood anymore , its build what ever you want where ever you want to
Unfortunately this is not likely going to change. Parents will either be careless and stupid, like the mother in this post, or they will teach their kids properly. But either way not much you can do other than getting a dash cam so that if you end up being the victim of these reckless kids , it will save you from the legal trouble.
It’s a crazy mishigas that mainly exists in the developments. Children play in the street in my area too but they MOVE OVER when they see a car. When you pull into a development the kids rule the roads. They see you and just ignore you. They don’t move over until your inches away from them. Besides for the extreme danger, it is a real lack of middos.
This is not dangerous, but I recently pulled into a development where kids were waiting for cars to pass by and would ambush them with a bucket of water. Adults/teenage siblings were around and literally ignoring the blatant lack of middos. Blew my mind away
What a bizarre way to connect living in an “upstairs” to not caring where your kids play.
The connection was part of this specific letter, so it’s kind of case specific here.
The upstairs parent berated him for being a lowly renter who can’t dictate to the owners’ children where to play.
Many, many young children are let outside to play unsupervised. I’ve seen three girls (ages of 6-8) walking with a plastic bag over the head of one of them. Totally oblivious to the danger.
Exactly! Where is the supervision?
Welcome to Lakewood….
I live outside a development and see this all the time. On Shabbos its even worse as people think they are entitled to walk in the street since its Shabbos. When a car comes by them they don’t even move and even worse give nasty looks to the people in the car.
The situation in this story is crazy. The parents of these children g-d forbidden if something would happen would be sued happy. I think that people in this community have become so entitled that they feel they can do anything they want without any consequences. Truly sad .
Not having enough space to play isnt an excuse. I grew up in the city where there almost no grass or places to play as well, u think we dear play in the street (unless it was a small dead end where there was almost never cars) no way you would be ran over within minutes. Kids can ride there bikes/scooters or talk the same on the sidewalks that are there for a reason. It’s all the way you bing up you’re kids if it’s the norm that kids rule the streets and they can do what they want then that’s it don’t blame it on the fact that you don’t care about them enough to raise them streets are for driving not for playing that’s what it was in my days. Also part of the problem is not sure where it comes from but the lack or respect for rules and consequences the kids have is totally out of control
Thanks for pointing out that we have always had way less space to play and didn’t have this arrogance as kids in BP and Flatbush.
This letter should be published in every publication and mailed out to every household. The nerve of that mother who doesn’t care for the life her child/ren. Every child should always know the street is a danger and we only go in if we have to cross. There is absolutely no reason to be sitting and hanging out in middle of the gutter. What is going on here?? Even on shabbos when there are maybe no cars children should not feel like they own the street. Horrible story and I’m glad he wrote in
Well said.
I used to live in a development (then it was relatively a new area) in Lakewood. As the kids grew older, they needed place to play and started to play in the street. The neighborhood called a meeting and the Rav of the development shul) (who lived in a different area) said that there is no real way to get the kids to stop playing in the street. In his area, it’s impossible as the kids will continue to do it anyways. The only thing is to get the cars to drive slower. The community did not totally agree as they were a newer community and if everyone is on the same page, we could all do it together. They designated an empty parking lot in the development for kids to play.
Fast forward a few months later. the kids stopped playing in the street and moved to the lot. The Rav was amazed and said he was happy that the oilam proved that they could do it as many other developments in Lakewood were not able to do it.
We can all make a difference together
Protect yourself by installing a dash cam !
The main issue here is not one of safely but one of Chutzpah. There is a level of Chutzpah that exists in our “Mi K’Amcha Yisrael” community that I have never seen before. This manifests itself in our Yishivos (including Hanhala), Shuls, roads, stores, and parking lots. As a Lakewood resident of some 40 years where I BH raised my children in a very different Lakewood, I can attest that I’ve never seen this before recently. No wonder our children do not want to stay here. Perhaps it is the internet, maybe the generation or the influx of outsiders influence. I can say that Elul is a good time for us all to focus on this terrible Mida.
People are insane, sadly unless a tragedy cv”s happens they won’t change.
Unfortunately it’s not only in developments. This is a real problem in our community. I’ve seen neighborhoods where there’s single family houses on 1/2 acre or more (clearly enough safe play area) with toddlers wandering around & playing alone in front yards & driveways, near busy thru roads — without any supervision. When I questioned one parent they didn’t even know their child was outside! If parents aren’t paying attention to the multiple possible dangers how can the children know or care? Parents, please wake up before it’s too late ch”v.
Well said. In my neighborhood some of those types of parents got the township to put up speed bumps because they were afraid of the cars endangering their children instead of telling their children not to play in the street. Not going to change people, but I agree that it is sad that it has come to this.
I have lived in a development and there was some hours a day that cars was not so pose to drive on the street. If a car did drive they had a helper to stand on the street to help them get down the street. This was something that everyone in the development knew about.
Still adumber then dumb way of doing things. Should Hatzolah wait around for someone to escort them through your developement? just because you don’t want to watch your children. It’s insanity.
Growing up in Brooklyn, we used to have a game called chicken we played, where the last one who ran out of the street prior to the car passing won. Now looking back of course it was stupid, and had my parents known I would’ve got smacked for that(I believe children should not be smacked unless they put their lives or others at risk).
Either way, as a kid your STUPID it’s simple as that, and when you have friends that are MORE STUPID, you tend to do STUPID things. .
As a parent it’s not possible to watch your kids every second of the day, it’s your job to teach them how to be safe, and if you see them doing something unsafe, reprimand them for it…..
Kids will be kids, and as a driver we have to understand that, of course parents should teach their children street safety, so the parent in this scenario is completely and utterly wrong. However it doesn’t change the fact that we need to be extra careful when driving through developments etc….
P.s. the game was an intentional act of going in the street similar to the older kids who see cars and try to stand in the way or move over without room to pass, in which case you can not teach, as “you can’t fix STUPID”. However young children wandering aimlessly can be taught at a young age the dangers of the street.
Are you talking about the street or the parking lot behind the houses? And why did you have to drive to the mailbox? Get some exercise and walk. But no, nobody walks on the street to the mailbox. It’s below my dignity.
A separate part of the problem.
I see a lot of children, some of them very young, even toddlers, who are unattended by an adult. Why is there no adult supervision? You should always have an eye on your children as there are too many dangers. Watch your children!
To be fair, many parents have their daughters or sons who are 7,8,9 etc. watch the toddler outside for them, because the toddler wants to play outside but the mother needs to get supper ready and can’t spend the time watching him outside.
thats the reason why you might not see adult supervision, but there’s usually a responsible older sibling on watch.
One of the reasons we moved out of Lakewood was the quality of life there. Lakewood has changed a lot since I grew up. Besides that, it’s unaffordable, and so much pressure to keep up people live there like they own the town and belong there. We are in galus and need to show proper respect to all people at all times. We cannot be too comfortable anywhere. I grew up in Lakewood and never played or walked, or biked on the street, and neither did my kids. Not only that we never left the house at night without a reflector. Does anyone even still use those??
We’re supposed to be chosen, not entitled. The children pick it up from the adults behavior.
as far as i know, in the world a Neighborhood development is meant to be a quiet, safe place for families to live, with speed signs and bumps to help keep the place safe. in Lakewood it feels like developments are treated like regular roads, and people drive like they are on the parkway, if you ever try to drive like this in any development elsewhere you will be yelled and screamed before you get a chance to go anywhere, I don’t think this mother was right and YES we should remind our kids DAILY about road safety, but we as drivers also have to remember that we are in a neighborhood with family’s and kids playing on the street.
I wish the local Police would enforce more road safety Inside developments
It’s a street, not a playground. The street, road, is for cars.
I actually speed up on purpose to scare these terrible kids big time
If you would have been there you would have scene what really happened not as described in this letter while the basic point is good and true about watching our children and keeping them safe the story here is not as it’s portrayed to be and the letter writer is %1000 wrong
Welcome to the perils of children who grow up without getting a good POTCH when they do something stupid and dangerous.
B”H
Last week in Williamsburg, I was dropping off someone and when looking to my left, saw a baby – barely able to stand – on the top of an outside staircase leading into the front entrance of a small building. At first his/her sister was standing there, but then the sister went down the stairs, leaving the baby all alone and about 5″ from the top step going down the staircase. When I said something, presumably the baby’s brother – a bochur – told me I was worrying about nothing. If, chas v’shalom, that baby wasn’t able to be mekabel the risks and took one or two steps in the wrong direction …………, l”r. We have to be more (much more) careful in the areas we have control over, so as not to have increased vulnerability in those areas we don’t. Thank you.
I see this all the time where I live. 4-7 year olds being (semi) responsible for their 1-2 year old siblings and the little ones being in potentially harmful situations. Mom/dad not even outside supervising and even the parents of the kids on the block drive like they’re late 100% of the time. Where is everyone constantly rushing to and why don’t they seem to identify the potential danger. My greatest job is to protect my children.
To anonymous –
how’s anything supposed to change when they build houses and duplexes (bh) on top of each other and there’s NOOO where for kids to play, no grass no land ….
not sure if there’s anything to do about this but yes it’s very freighting !!!