Whenever I hear people speak about the Shidduch Crisis and the age gap, I always think how ridiculous it is that I have the solution but that nobody listens to me, so I finally decided to put pen to paper and express my thoughts in a public forum.
A typical Shidduch crisis conversation usually goes like this, Person #1 will blame the American Rosh Yishovos, they should send their Bachorim to Eretz Yisroel a couple of years earlier.
Person # 2 will disagree with person #1 and blame the Yeshivos in Eretz Yisroel. we should just cut out learning in Eretz Yisroel entirely.
Person #3 will then argue that neither of these solutions are good solutions he will argue that during these years the Bachurim are growing by leaps and bounds every year, cutting out even one year from these years will severely handicap the Bachurim, their entire life, and we are back to square one.
All of these points are valid. I would like to present a third solution.
The fact of the matter is that until a few years ago before the mass influx of high school Yeshivos in Lakewood, most high school Bachurim learned English studies half of the day.
In Lakewood however this is not norm, most Yeshivos learn hebrew studies a full day even in high school.
It is inconceivable that with all of this extra learning being done that one year of high school cannot be cut out from the system.
I would propose that half way through 10th grade the Bachurim graduate to 11th grade and after another half of a year they are in 12th grade.
Another advantage over this idea on the other ideas mentioned, is that this change will be a change across the board, it not be dependent on people’s personal feelings on the matter, it will not be dependent on where specific Bachurim are holding.
Doing this would cut out a year from when the boys start Shidduchim.
An additional problem people say, is that even if we would solve the age gap problem, there would still be a crisis since less boys make it through the system than girls.
What if in order to solve this, the norm would be that the girls are actually older then the boys?
What if the boys start at 21 and girls start at 21.5?
Girls typically come back from seminary at age 19, what if they spend these 2.5 years until they are 21.5 working on getting a degree or saving up money for their future family iy”h. While this may be somewhat of a sacrifice it will be a small price to pay to help solve the crisis for everyone.
I know there will still be some naysayers who will argue that the Bachorim are just not ready. They are just not mature enough to get married at age 21! However I beg of you. Please do not underestimate our Bachurim! Do not look at the 21 year old boys you see now and argue base in this that they are just not ready.
Do not underestimate the human spirit! Do not underestimate the נפש אלוק ממעל! People grow when they are expected to grow. People become what is expected of them. Go ask Reb Chaim Shmulevetz how he managed to be both a father and a mother to his siblings at the age of 16! If it will be expected that Bachurim should be ready at 21, trust me they will be ready! As far as I know American Bachurim do not have a different physical/emotional makeup then their Chasidish and Israeli counterparts, if they can be ready at that age then so can we!
I would love to hear thoughts and feedback on this idea!
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Every girl who has not found her shidduch is an individual crisis that is horrible and everyone feels their pain. But do not lump them all together and say there is “A Shidduch Crisis” in the singular. There is no one size fits all solution. We should all daven with lot’s of kavana for them, and try to make shidduchim. May every girl find their shidduch speedily.
I would like to address some of the uninformed comments below.
1. We just have to redt more shidduchim – Redding more Shidduchim will not solve the problem if the problem is that there are not enough boys.
2. People are too picky – The fact of the matter is that a good boy can have tens of girl on his list, while a good girl will often have none – being picky is not the source of the problem.
3. Shidduchim is up to Hashem just Daven – True everything is up to hashem. However we created this problem and hashem gave us the tools/seichel to solve it. So let’s solve it.
We did not create the problem. Hashem gives us nisyonos. Every individual single girl has a tremendous nisayon. We need to do not to accomplish. Hashem doesn’t need our solutions. He wants us to reach out to him.
Unfortunately it seems like you are incorrect. We did create this problem. Chasidim and Isreilis don’t have this problem. We do. Lets fix it. The Nisyaon is are we going to turn off our brain or are we going to fix this.
Lock the girls in a freezer until they are 23. This will solve the shidduch crisis overnight.
It’s very nice of you to say please do not underestimate the bochur at 21 when the suggestions (until your letter) seem to be boys dating even as early as 18. I’ll take 21 and make sure to do my research to see if he’s a real 21 in maturity and responsibility of what’s expected of a 21 year old.
I know people wont like to hear this but asking girls to wait until 21.5 is asking girls to give up 2 of their precious and limited years to have children. Down the line your suggestion can result in too many children not being born. We also know that HKBH has an Oitzer of Neshomos that must be born in order for Moshiach to come so in essence this could delay the arrival of Moshiach (and ask your LOR before you push back on that one)
The best solution is still, and always will be, to take time and suggest shidduchim that make sense. Don’t rely on just the “shadchanim” they cannot solve this issue alone. Everything else is just hock.
Hashem has the power to make every Yeshiva, Bais Yaakov and Moisad financially secure so why do they all need to fund raise? The same Hashem can make sure every child is married as soon as they enter shidduchim so why aren’t they? The answer to both questions is simple and the same. It’s because Hashem wants all of us to have a chaylek in Torah and shidduchim so his system is set up for us to support our moisdos and redd shidduchim. It’s in our hands. Hilchos Tzedaka and Hilchos Shadchanus are not just a 1 line blip in Shulchan Aruch. They are pages long for a reason. It’s to guide us and help us realize that it is on us to make shidduchim and support Torah
I just asked my LOR, and he said it’s OK to push back when people write funny letters. We are asking 19 year old girls to give up 4 of their 20 childbearing years(20%) to save the 30 year Olds who are currently giving up 10 of their 10 remaining childbearing years(100%). As for the amusing claim that fewer children will be born, logic tells us that the same boys are getting married (just to older girls). Allow me to illustrate- I am 35 and single. I routinely get redt to girls aged 24-30, but if you put the girls in the freezer, I would no longer get any 24 year old suggestions. The 24 year old boys would be getting those( now they get redt to 19 year olds).
WADR you shouldn’t be redt to 24 yr olds. You should be dating women closer to your 9pm age and the younger should date the younger.
All the ideas to start boys early will only help girls entering the parsha in the future. What about the hundreds, or thousands that are having trouble getting dates now? The solution is to limit the girls entering for 4 years, this way any boy that wants to get married in the next 4 years will have to choose from girls that are in the pasha now! All the girls ( including 30+ years old) will be more in demand, and they could start being picky, and boys will have to start working hard to measure up to the excellent standards set by the girls.
Two points
1) all 10th and 11th grade Rabbeim will strongly oppose the idea as it would cause the, to be out of a job half of the year.
2)There will always be girls dating as soon as they come back from seminary, and as a result, no girl will wait.
In response to your second point, perhaps we can make it the norm to stay in seminary for shana bet.
…and perhaps Bill Gates and Warren Buffet can offer $10 Billion each to a super fund whose interest and investment income will support the cost of an extra year in seminary. 😉
Another benefit to this idea is that the girls could do it themselves. Instead of begging the Roshei Yeshiva to send their bochurim into shidduchim before they are ready, they could simply ask the 12th grade girls “Would you prefer to enter the parsha at 19, and struggle to get a date? Or wait until 23, and have the shadchanim lining up outside?”
Girls have to be less picky.
IMO.
I only know 2 girls but I know they are picky.
Sad but true.
How picky are the boys? Only a rosh yeshiva daughter. Only 10 years support. Only a new car. Only 25k per year of support.
The girl just wants a mentch that is actually who he claims to be. These guys all claim to be learning and shteiging. Then they can’t say a short vort. They can’t say a piece of lomdus to the girls father when he shows up for the date. Not even on the 3rd date. Grow up and realize there are issues with the system not the individual.
Ahhh!!!! They just want a mentch, that is actually who they claim to be. My son is married to someone who said she faked her way thru dating and now she is a xxxxxxxxxxx! May Hshem give him clarity!
Perhaps your idea is fine, but you didn’t however take Hashem into your equation. If you care for His take, He has the simplest answer.
His answer is that 95% of boys are not allowed to push off marriage past 20 years old for the sake of learning. In fact, if they do they are cursed by Hashem. See Shulchan Aruch e”h 1.
Really? How old were you when you got married?
Since when did this become personal? Did you look to see what every single posek from the time of Moshe Rabeinu until R’ Moshe Feinstien have ruled?
In all generations there were Mitzvos that the whole generation was lax in, and we paid the price. Until we perfect ourselves or Hashem sends the geula it will always be this way. We need to look at the Torah for guidance and not at what everyone is doing. If not we pay the price, part of which is the Shidduch crisis.
There isn’t any one solution. The girls should start at 20 or 21. Some 40 years ago that was the way it was done. Girls started at 21.
Great idea, u gotta get a godol on board. They are the only only ones that can make such a decision. However they don’t read the scoop.
The letter has a good point that if u want boys to start earlier shortening hs would b a way to faze it in, this is how it works in chasidish mosdos where kitchen tes is 8th grade and you are sort of in beis medrash part of the day by 10 grade.
One small step we can take from the chassidim is that boy and girl get each other’s resume at the exact same time. With 2 benefits if either not interested it’s out in a few min. Like ping pong.. the process of sifting way fastersecondly the girls feels there’s is noise it’s not dead someone thought of me …lastly if girl gives a yes even before boy better chance of considering it
Shidduch crisis?? Where?? Not by Klal Yisroel, we have a money crisis, where every guy wants a rich shver, and wants support for many years!!! That is the one and only problem. Until we get that, there will be no change.
‘Europe had the same issue. Read up about the poor orphans in the shteitel who couldn’t provide nadin and thereby couldn’t get married.
I am not saying that this is the right thing. I am merely pointing out that its not new
Who said it was new? and it wasn’t this bad, not even close.
you say nto not have boys learn english so is it only up to the wife to support the husband and the ten children they end up having at what point is the husband going to be able to take care of his family if he knows only learning torah there are not enough rebbe jobs to go around and if hes no good at being a rebbe then what.Let the boys learn torah and alsolearn something else so mthat eventually they can support the family
Additionally, most boys of high school age cannot learn a whole day. Learning secular subjects in the afternoon would occupy their time productively, as most boys need to learn at least the basics, beyond what they learn in elementary school. Even if he becomes a businessman, he needs to be able to write and express himself properly, in most cases. Yeah, yeah, I know, there are millionaires out there who can’t even sign their names…Heard that many times. They are the exceptions, not the rule.
Same old. Fact is that almost all boys are ready at 22.5. Nowdays they come back at 23+ and wait in the freezer until 23.5. Keep the system the same. Just stop keeping bochirim past 3rd year Pesach and come back after a year and half. That 5th year Sukkos. After the freezer the boys are 22.5 and ready to start. There is way to much wasted time. At least that was my experience.
The Novominsker Rebbe proposed similar to this 15 years ago.
Nothing came of it !
“What shidduch crisis are they talking about?” the elter bachur asked his married friend while leaning all the way back on a large recliner and watching his friend diapering a baby, feeding a 3-year old and cleaning up a massive puddle from the floor. “Is there some kind of crisis that I should know about? If there is, somebody please tell me..”
“I hate to be the only one left in the dark about this crisis,” he added, while opening his friend’s refrigerator and pulling out a huge polka to snack on.
“Chaim, where’s the ketchup?” he asked his friend, while the latter was simultaneously burping a baby, answering a non-stop ringing telephone and saying over perakim of mishnayos baal-peh.
“The ketchup is on the bottom shelf,” his friend replied, and then added, “By the way, where are you gonna be for Yom Tov? And, did you find a new apartment for yourself yet? And, are you sure you’re still okay with living in an apartment in solitude, all by yourself?”
“I have no idea where I’ll be for Yom Tov,” the older bachur replied, “and, no, I didn’t find an apartment for myself yet. And, yes, I guess I’m okay with living a lonely existence, in complete solitude and in solitary confinement.”
“By the way,” the elter bachur asked, “do you have any shidduch prospects for me? I’m not getting any younger, you know.”
“Hmm, old age, now that’s the real crisis!” he added, before pulling out a huge notebook out of his pocket, filled with potential zivugim, and flipping through the pages to see if there is someone his age in that notebook that he didn’t meet yet..”
“Nope, I think I’ve met just about every one of them,” he said, and added, “Chaim, I’m grabbing another piece of kugel from the fridge. Okay?”
“I’m not sure what this shidduch crisis is all about,” he went on to say, “but this old age crisis needs to be addressed quickly before it gets out of control! We need some kind of fountain of youth, or some kind of elixir that will make us young again!”
“By the way, the kugel was excellent,” he said, just needed a touch more salt, otherwise, perfect!”
gr8 idea- and lets make the girls repeat grades 2,6,9,11 and Sem and we will have a reverse “crisis”
A frailichin tomid to you indeed
I’ve heard this idea before. GONG! Aint gonna help. You see, the Eibishter runs the world. HE and HE alone decides when is the right time for someone to get married. So policies, colored powerpoint charts and news flashes are not going to help. Sometimes boys are ready at 20 and many, many times they aren’t.
If you really want a solution to the shidduch crisis, it’s a four letter word. And its C-A-R-E. Yea that’s right , I said it. If people would stop living in their own selfish worlds, and start thinking about other people , AS IF IT WERE THEIR OWN CHILD, we probably wouldn’t have a shidduch crisis. So if everyone reading, MARK LEVIN’S POST today, would take maybe 5 minutes ,and hget off their @##, to think of someone they know that is single, which shouldn’t be too hard, unless you are in a bubble, or jail, the shidduch crisis would ease beh.
One more thing while I have your attention. And I’m really talking to myself. DAVEN, DAVEN , DAVEN, oh boy we have a lot to work on in this area, between arriving on time, Kavana Btefilah, and the not talking in shul !
With all due respect nothing you said made sense. If powerpoints show that there are more girls in the parsha then boys why do you knock that off?
How can they think of people and solve the problem when there simply aren’t enough people to match up?
And davening is very important but as R Elya Ber said if the numbers aren’t equal davening alone is not an achrayisdiger response.
Once again if you look at Europe, our parents or grandparents, historically its been that boys are older typically. (Both my grandfathers were 10 years older and father 4 years) Maybe this was a crisis in the past too. But the idea of changing things from what was done for 100’s of years where the boy is older seems odd.
Holy moly, that is all apikorsus. Do you really think He decides when everyone is ready to get married? Does He call them on the phone? Does He remove their free will from them and make them ready to be married despite them not wanting to get married? Are you saying that if someone does nothing at all to work on himself and does the exact opposite of every single correct thing laid out in Pirkei Avos, Mesilas Yesharim… and is a complete menuval then He may still make him ready to be married? If someone does the gimmel chamuros bemezid all day every day and then just davens then Hashem may make him ready to get married? If you do everything right and are the next R Akiva Eiger then none of that helps at all until He decides you are ready to get married? So everything we do is completely inconsequential and He just decides to do whatever He is going to do maybe based on what we do maybe not? Boy, that flies in the face of kol hatorah kula and definitely contradicts the understanding that He created us with the desire to be meitiv.
it is very risky for a girls ruchinyous to work for two years especially if they do not have the pressure of shiduchim to behave i am very well aware that many girls do not get married until 22 plus
Unfortunately, that is a sad reality. That just speaks volumes as to how shaky and fragile their foundations of yahadus are to start with that they require “pressure of shidduchim to behave”. The other way to look at it is, maybe we should be weeding these individuals out and helping them out before having them become wives and mothers. If you are 24 and your ruchniyos is that shaky, maybe marriage shouldn’t be your highest priority. So if you’re 20 and that is where you will be headed then maybe we should be addressing that issue before rushing you into a marriage and kids.
The problem is that girls in the working world have no framework for their ruchniyus. In past generations girls largely remained in the walls of Bais Yaakov by entering the chinuch field. Today, they are working in the business world. Now, a yungerman who leaves yeshiva for the business world has his minyanim 3 times a day and his learning to keep him focused. A girl does not have these. So if girls are slipping during their working years, it doesn’t mean they were shaky to begin with — just that they are facing the wide world with no system to support them.
boys and girls should both start earlier and have larger families this is Ratzon Hashem both on the individual level and on the communal level
and, learn in Kollel in Eretz Yisroel for a few years, bekedusha and histapkus bemuat
Yes, because things are working out so amazingly well on all fronts. I’m guessing you work for one of the many otd rehab centers and are looking to build your 20th building. Hashemi wants frum, normal, humble, selfless, happy, and well-adjusted ambassadors to be His children and avadim.
Rachmana litzlan medaytach
The sad fact is, the age gap is only a SMALL PART of the problem. The oilam needs to stop harping on that p’rat and focus on the other issues. Namely, while 20 out of 25 girls of any given high-school class are seeking serious, long-term learners, in their boy counterparts class, only approx 10 boys will become serious long-term learners.
So even if all boys and girls start dating at the same age, you will STILL have a shidduch crisis.
Start paying shadchanim by the hour and many more dates and shidduchim will be made much Hatzlacha
just want to say that a percentage of older singles are caused by people saying no for no reason, a very popular example unfortunately is after 5 or 6 dates and everything is going well but he or she doesnt feel a so called ”connection” many times they drop it and there some coaches that tell girls to drop it BUT PRETTY MUCH ALL GEDOLAY YISROEL HAVE SAID THIS IS NO REASON TO DROP A SHIDDUCH AND BY DOING SO ONE MIGHT BE SAYING NO TO THEIR OWN ZIVUG AS MANY TIMES A CONNECTION WONT BE FELT TILL AFTER THEY GET MARRIED and i do believe such a situation shall be spoken with a daas torah who is a baki in shidduchim and not just a coach for this specific situation, another thing is that A RED FLAG DOESNT MEAN NO IT MEANS TO INVESTIGATE AND FIND OUT and just like we dont give a yes with just a guess because its a life long decision so to is giving a no a life long decision, amongst other unimportant reasons why people say no [he was to quit on the first date wich is rediculious because he is not used to speaking to girls i hope because he is a yeshiva bachur and there he needs some time to warm up to u so give him another shot, or because i dont like his face beard,] and iv encountered people that said no just because it was the first and even though everything went well they said no because maybe they will get some one better……. I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR OTHER PEOPLES OPINION ON WHAT I WROTE
Absolute truth. People pass up the one for them all them because of holeleius and sichlus. Then they turn to Hashem and cry to Him and ask where their match is. He sent you your match and turned him/her away for the dumbest of reasons. All your tefillos and crying won’t save you from your own foolishness when you turn down a perfectly fine match and then kvetch that you aren’t being fixed up with any quality people. Also, let’s be honest you probably aren’t the next Chazon Ish either. Most quality people fall in the 75th-95th percentile range. If you are in that range and your shidduch is also that may just be your zivug. If you’re in the 99.9999 percentile, fine. Other than that be flexible and look at all the maylos. Also, nachis darga v’nasiv, the gemara seemed to think it was worthwhile advice. Even though with passing up every single shidduch if it isn’t bottled lighting and love at first sight with malachim singing shira before you two on the first date. This isn’t some fantasy novel or a badly scripted b”y production. This is real life with real people who have layers and complexities and you need to understand and analyze and see the potential of how this could work. Not reject people because you heard that in 7th grade they wore the wrong color socks or some other stupidity. We are trying to achieve building a bais neeman b’yisroel with children who are oved Hashem b’simcha, not just trying to just fulfill some childhood fantasies or taavos or wedding day dreams.
thanx for responding i wish others would also, letoeles harabim
VERY IMPORTANT i would like to add on another stupidity that people say no which is the sometimes say no because he or she have a diferent personality, and WAKE UP YOURE NOT MARRYING YOURSELF AND BESIDES BOYS AND GIRLS ARE NATURLY VERY DIFERENT FROM EACH OTHER AND HAVE DIFERENT WAYS OF THINKING and many many many gedolim had very diferent personality than their wives and had very very good and happy shalom bayis and also opposites subtract so you get the best of to diferent personalities in one marriage and another gain is that ypur own personality is not constantly being challenged and again BOYS NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY R MARRYING GIRLS AND GIRLS NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY R MARRYING BOYS
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH MY COMMENT
THANKS FOR POSTING
I feel that there’s something that has yet to be addressed. It’s the dating system here at fault. It’s only in America where you date someone 8 times and then decide it’s not for you. In all other places, you meet fewer times and it’s taken more seriously and the divorce rate is lower too!
i want to add on regarding what i wrote about the ones that said no since its their first one that its not a multiple choice youre not going back and forth and then pick the one you like so if everything is going well with the first one dont drop it for nothing be happy and cotinue, its the biggest bracha that it came right away many people married the first one and are very happily married, dont drop him or her for nothing and then complain 5 years later shidduch crisis I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR OTHER PEOPLES RESPONSES
some good entertainment here for sure.
-shana bet is a terrible idea, shana alef is killing many parents, shana bet would bury them.
-people need to be open minded and not turn away suggestions for stupid reasons.
-Mothers of boys, we know your son is god’s gift to humanity, but be realistic about what he needs. if he’s on the cool side, do not set him up with a Bais Shaindel girl in the hopes that she will make him more yeshivish…
-If you have your mind set on a yeshivish family and someone suggests a regular family, or vice versa, dont say no based on that alone. you can find some great guys and girls that arent exactly like their family and the family loves and accepts them and will treat your child wonderfully.
-I once suggested a shidduch to a boy – he said no cuz he was gonna wear a shtreimel and the girls brothers/father dont. He didnt want to be the only one in the family wearing that levush.
There. Very simple. Remove freezer restrictions for a date with girls, say, 22 and over. This way they got a shot at boys just coming back, and overall the “freezer” is preserved. Perfect. Now, if only somebody can convince the Roshei Yeshiva to agree….
opening the freezer will make the whole shidduch process easier and for younger girls as well
THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES
Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.
Mrs. Seminary girl,/Mr. Learning/working boy Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?
Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.
Why are we not putting our faith and trust directly in our loving father, king of kings, ruler of the world Hashem? Especially when we all know the truth that Hashem has everything down to every person’s breath and penny of income already decreed since Rosh Hashanah for the entire upcoming year? Of course we need to do our Hishtadlus but the ultimate secret for success in our needs is to turn Directly to the source Hashem for help in anything.
Why does your ruchniyus hishtadlus not list all the things you have to work on inside of yourself? Not being a lazy person or angry person, to be a zariz and to have an ayin tov, to understand your tafkid and mission for life, to be selfless and not superficial, to want to grow and achieve more and more yiras and ahavas Hashem…. Why is it always with the tefillos anc bitachon? There are millions of things that ovdei Hashem constantly need to be growing themselves in b’ruchnyos. Also, Hashem made all the zivugim and many people have rejected them or passed them over. Hashemi can send you your zivug to your front door, but if you lock that door and decide you don’t ever want to get married well then it won’t be happening. Same thing if your shidduch is redt and it is exactly for you and you refuse it because you aren’t being promised 20k a year for as many years as need be along with a one time sign up bonus and a house and car… You just rejected what He sent to you, that He fixed you up with at the moment of conception, due to your shortsighted and limited perspective and then you have the chutzpah to turn to Him and ask Him when will He help you get maried.
Exactly.
i am married with 8 kids b”h 3 married bneykel , you talk about emuna bitachon tefila…many of us dont come close to a frum 20 yr old girls tefila , emunah or bitachon unfortunatly this crisis has propelled frum girls to huge heights in these areas
so dont preach DO SOMETHINHG
if someone does extremely well on their farher then they should be invited to join a freezer program so that they can learn better and get the best shidduchim later on, but for all those who do not feel so special about themselves and just want to do the right thing, they must be given the opportunity to opt out of the freezer program
Allowing them to opt out of the freezer program is good, but they shouldn’t feel like they are deliberately being frozen out of the freezer program. (Pun intended. In fact, this reply comment was intended for pun purposes only, and nothing else.)
When the the freezer program was first proposed, I told them to put the program on ice for a while till they figure out how it can be done in the best fashion, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. They gave me the cold shoulder and basically froze me out of the discussions. (This fictional anecdote, was also intended for pun purposes only, and nothing else.)
Ok , do me a favor !
I was at Pesach hotel program just now.
Female shadchanim wanted me to talk to various single girls that were there. I said they can introduce me to anyone you want.
It’s not a big deal for me to converse with anyone if I here anyways for the next few days.
The shadachanim excitedly took this and presented it as formal interest on my part.
In the end , every girl sent back a no for a different reason.
So when I read articles like this about the females being the shidduch victims, I say……. Cry me a river….
Ha ha
The biggest crisies today is the fact that gvitom think that bec they have a few bucks they can decide what people are allowed to think. Be it Roshei Yeshiva, gedolim or the avg Joe. They think they can force whatever opinion they hold down your throat. They will spend millions to push their opinions and to suppress and belittle any other view.
for all you idiots out there who blame the freezer for the crisis you r realy dumb as the freezer makes them start 2 or 3 months later or even less as they can start looking into girls beforehand and its not like the boys and girls start at the same time the girls come in with a new batch ONCE a year after shavous or at the end of the year [btw many girls also wait 2 or 3 months in order to come down from the clouds] and the boys have a new batch TWICE a year by chodesh av and shvat so its realy realy stupid to blame the roshei yeshivos of bmg for the crisis
With all these new shidduch ideas everyone is giving all these innocent bochurim mixed signals. First your telling the boys don’t talk to girls till your about 22/23 or you’ll get kicked out of yeshiva. Now you want them to leave yeshiva early and talk to girls??? No wonder the shidduch system is messed up!!!
i hope yr not serious when theyre bachurim they dont speak to random girls for no reason as its inapropiot but most boys have brains and know that going out with a girl for a shidduch is not inappropiot cuz she is a potentiol spouse, c’mon be smarter than that
in megillas Rus Ploni Almoni said he is absolutely positive that Boaz will not even let 1 day go by in delaying a shidduch and there are many stories in the gemara of Tannaim who did the maximum to move quickly regarding shidduchim just like Eliezer eved Avraham so yes even a 3 month delay if it is not befitting for the situation of today then that is disrupting the entire system
Simple answer. Ceremony of R Gershon expired. Go back to two wives
True, it would solve more than the fake shidduch crisis. Woman would spend less, make better food, etc. Competition is always good!!!
How offensive.
Another note to touch on. I think all should start dating like the chassidim. Let the girls parents meet the boy first. Then they can determine if it’s worth their daughter spending an hour or 2 preparing for this date unlike the boy who gets in to a suit and voila he’s ready. Once the parents meet the boy and feel it’s a possibility then they should go out. If the boys parents want to do the same then by all means. It should be a system cross the board!!!
excuse me boys also put in alot of phiysycal and emotional work , many times in lakewood theres a big line at the car rental and can be over an hour wait and also finding places to go…. diferent type of work but also a nice amount of work
where is everyones emunah and bitachon?
when will everyone stop blaming the “shidduch crisis”?
there is no shortage of boys to date girls. there is a boy for each girl, and all the girls need is just one boy to date.
we dont need a solution because there is no problem.
there is someone out there for everyone.
everyone has their own journey. some get married at 19. some at 22. some at 27 and some 30+.
lets stop the mass hysteria and panic and focus on doing our own hishtadlus and relying on Hashem.
oh yea, and stop getting in His way by making stupid choices.
(and as a girl in shidduchim i believe i can speak on this)