Letter: Seriously, just mind your own business

So I wanted to share with everyone what my Rav said about the eCap summit.

Here’s what he said:

Nothing.

And that’s because I didn’t ask him or discuss it with him. Because it wasn’t Nogaya to me.

You know what my friends said about the event?

Also nothing. Because they have lives.

I’m a balabus who has a bunch of friends there, and I’m honestly disgusted how people are busy discussing if it’s right or wrong to attend, and the Motzei Shem Ra on them and the many goers of this event. Social media once again being used to try and harm others.

Is it jealousy? Kana’us? Hate?

Can’t people just learn to let live and let others run their lives the way they’d like?

If the attendees want to discuss with their Rav about going, good. And if they don’t want to, that’s their decision. Why do bored social media people need to find the need to delve into other people’s business and discuss what is right and wrong about others?

Let people live in peace.

A local balabus.

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36 COMMENTS

  1. What do you mean!
    Its bad for friends. Its bad for the shechainim. Its bad for the development.
    Its bad for the School that this guy and other innocent kids share. Its Bad For Lakewood. Its bad for the towns around Lakewood.

    Its Bad. Bad. BAD.

  2. Ahhh…..but did those who did attend and have shaichus ask their rabbonim?? And if it was ‘nogeah’ you….or your friends….would you or they have asked their Rabbonim? You could put down your cell phone now and reply ???? (prob during minyan…)

  3. You need to grow thicker skin! You obviously care too much what people say think or do. Just like the people who keep their noses and other people’s business you obviously have your nose there too sensing whether they approve of what you do or don’t. It’s 2 sides of the same coin.
    If you have a deeper understanding of where you’re going and what you do and why you’re doing what you’re doing you would have more self confidence and these things wouldn’t bother you. At the end of the day in the matter if you lean right or left you’ll always have people criticizing you you know that too.

  4. You need to grow thicker skin! You obviously care too much what people say think or do. Just like the people who keep their noses in other people’s business you obviously have your nose there too sensing whether they approve of what you do or don’t. It’s 2 sides of the same coin.
    If you have a deeper understanding of where you’re going and what you do and why you’re doing what you’re doing you would have more self confidence and these things wouldn’t bother you. At the end of the day in the matter if you lean right or left you’ll always have people criticizing you you know that too.

  5. So What happened to the mitzvah of Toichocho??? I think it’s beautiful that there are yidden out there that still care about hashem and his chosen nation and get bothered when such an event takes place. Yes it’s very easy to say live and let live but if you care a bit about how a yid is supposed to act this event can definitely bother you. Kol Hakovod to all those out there that don’t see how this event is appropriate for bnei torah!

  6. I think this ecap event is the biggest form of Tzedakah. We al know the biggest way to give Tzedakah is to give someone a job. Do you have any idea how many people make parnassah at this event? Maybe no one should ever go to work and get a job because the siviva may not be 100 percent kosher 100 percent of the time! I’ve walked into local grocery stores and have seen terrible pritZus within out own community- does that mean I have to ask a tab before I walk into a grocery store?

  7. A Ben Torah does not belong at e cap. It is for those who would go to worse places instead. Definitely better not to go. Everyone should just stay home.

  8. I heard about this thing. I heard it’s mamesh over the top gashmiyus, and it needs to be stopped.
    They tell me about three types of kugel served, because two aren’t enough.
    They tell me about the huge selection of sodas, because flavored seltzer doesn’t cut it.
    They tell me about five different kinds of games to play after dinner, because simple monopoly isn’t enough for these characters.
    They tell me about the selection of toppings for your waffles for breakfast, because maple syrup and whipped cream just doesn’t cut it any more.

    I think it should be nipped in the bud. Otherwise, before long, there will be five types of herring at Kidushim in Lakewood

    • That sounds terrible. We need to put an immediate stop to it. It will considerably exacerbate the shiduch crisis.
      I think we should issue a declaration that it didn’t happen, and then we will be safe

    • It seems like you appreciate all that gashmioos.
      Otherwise how would you know abot whipped cream and syrup or three vs two types of kugel or anything else??
      By ‘inns’ whatever the ‘bnai Bayis’ – as in wife – servse if plenty gashmioos.

  9. Show us pictures, then we can decide. I want to see the camels and the sunsets, the pools and the entertainment.
    Only then can we make a decision whether we should have an opinion or not.

    • Camels?! They ate camels? That is a serious Kashrus violation. Who is the Rav Hamachshir? What is going on with these people?
      Unless they were riding the camels. That sounds like lots of fun. Could they bring some camels to Lakewood for all of us to get a fun ride? Just make sure that the people riding are well protected. No need for accidents.

  10. This ecap is a wonderful opportunity for people to have a vacation after working so hard. Mid-winter vacation was so long ago, and people need to rest up after long days at work.
    Of course, Yeshiva leit should stay at their Gemaras. But for the Baalaebatim amongst us, there is a need for some kosher entertainment.

  11. Clearly all the (moderated) commenting on this story here have never been there and have no idea what goes on there. It’s so easy to cast judgment on others when you’re completely unaware of actual realities. You are the guilty ones! You let a few bad social media pictures done by people who don’t know better form your opinion of what thousands of people might be doing.You are guilty of passing judgment on other people without having a clue of what is really taking place.

  12. It’s nice to write a letter and quote how your rov said nothing. Guess what mine did. And you know why? Because he has mispallim who went and reported back to him how disgusted they were by being there. Yes, business is business, but not in place of yiddishkeit. The ecap became a vacation where people (males and females) go without their spouses. Yes it’s none of my business and I won’t mix in, but you have no right to tell people to be quiet.

    • So people went and were disgusted with themselves, so they made a tumult against all the other people.
      These people are the really dangerous ones, not those who enjoy these events.
      Those who make others pay for their aveiros are the people we need to keep far away from

  13. I think we all know theres much questionable activity that goes on. And the pics arent appropriate to post. Its just that theyre all doing it so it must be ok. Its sad that klal yisroel and previous bnei yeshivah have stooped to this low level. By Yidden for Yidden. Nebach. We need Moshiach.

    • How nice that you used a euphemism ‘questionable activities’, so that everyone can use their imagination and choose the aveira that they wished they themselves have done.
      I haven’t seen any inappropriate pictures, I wonder why. I saw pictures of people eating, talking, listening, playing foosball and pool and other innocuous activities.

  14. If you want us to get involved in other people’s business such as why they are getting involved in your life perhaps we make contemplate your life too for example is there a possibility that you are completely totally wrong and against halacha whether or not you choose to ask a rabbi?

  15. I don’t think it’s worse than all the regular Miami vacations, people going to clubs are always going to go to clubs.
    I do think that there’s something sad that people there are going without knowing how bad it is.
    Go out have fun, but realize this isn’t what you should do for buisness, there should be a like somewhere and this is definitely crossing it.

  16. I am in the nursing home industry and I have been invited every year since it’s inception and have not gone and do not intend to ever go.
    There are many issues with it that aren’t “aveiros” in the traditional sense (nor am I accusing anyone of committing aveiros) and I’ll just mention three briefly.
    Number one, the whole atmosphere as mentioned is over the top and quite frankly hedonistic. It’s bad enough that many industries have conventions with atmospheres that are not conducive for people who are B’nei Yeshiva alumni but this event is made by Jews primarily for Jews. Why are we making such an outlandish event for ourselves?
    Second, I am not familiar with all the presentations given this year, but in prior years in particular they were presentations that people got up and spoke in a “vulgar” manner about money. Earning a living is means to an end. Emphasis on money and the fake prestige it brings permeates this event and quite frankly this industry.
    Thirdly, related to the second, the attitude of such a lavish event is focusing on the attendees narcissistic tendencies. Get rich quick, charter a private jet, spend $50K+ on a watch, etc… But give a lot of charity and you’re a tzaadik. Tzni’us extends to financial disciple and keeping one’s business success to themselves. People don’t walk around as an accountant or a lawyer and talk about how they may partner in a firm, but if someone is a nursing home owner you sure do know it…

    • THANK YOU for being a gibur and going against the trend. Yes its a huge large Jewish company located in Lakewood which created ECAP. The atmosphere can bring individuals to questionable situations. Even if one Yid is chas vshalom nichsal its on the arrangers of these type of events who will have to answer. Lifnei Eiver Lo sitan michshal. This is especially when the the style of regular trade show is deliberately changed and the booth are set up to be more cozy, group activities, and especially the after parties hosted by many Jewish “FRUM” companies which in itself is a huge problem by many trade shows. In fact most of the sponsors of ECAP are all frum companies. Just because one has left yeshiva or got married is no excuse for letting your guard down. The employers and sponsors can easily put their foot down and tell ECAP its time for change. Closing deals do not have to be at the cost of ones Yarei Shamayim. it does not have to chas vshalom cause one yid to be tested.

    • I’m sorry, but 90% of this just completely inaccurate. I too am in the industry and have gone each year since it’s inception. Myself and my business partners are heimishe yidden who would not take part in an event that this is being portrayed as, by people who have obviously never attended. I go to many industry events. I can say that this one is far and away better from a frum point of view than any other one I’ve ever been to. It’s so terrible to see people posting things with such authority when they have no idea what they’re talking about, and are just engaging in obvious motzei shem ra on myself, my partners and hundreds of other frum and ehrlich people. Shame on all of you. Now go learn some shmiras halshon and learn how to be mechaper on what YOU did.

  17. Don’t know if the moderators will let this through, but I heard first hand from an attendee that although there are a number of great benefits to attending, the environment is designed to get the attendees to let loose (and show off). Unfortunately there are deff some people who can’t hold back and do some highly inappropriate things (yichud issues to say the least). That surely isn’t the case for the most of the attendees, but the vibe makes it very difficult to not let go at least a little. (Which isn’t in accordance with the Torah’s “always be in control of yourself” way of living, even on vacation and for business purposes.)

  18. Lashon Horah and Motzie Shem Ra to potentially thousands of viewers is not a small thing. I would hope all those who post comments have taken that in to account.

  19. Honestly this is all crazy that you all even talking about this, like what happened to just minding your own business! First it’s Florida for mid winter than it’s ecap and soon it will probably be going out for pizza! Do what your comfortable with religiously and also financially and live your own life the way you want. Otherwise your a person I believe that has no self esteem in how he lives.

  20. $2000 to attend. Anyone who wanted to go on a vacation and count it as a business expense this was a great opportunity. Hope they made some business too while they were at it. But I don’t think this was solely for Parnassa reasons. But then again it is “non of my business” and i didn’t go or hear about it until now so ask your local Rabbi for next year.

    • So while you admittedly didn’t hear about it until a minute ago, you still feel compelled to offer opinions about something you just said you know nothing about. This is it in a nutshell.

  21. When I saw the post about something called ecap that someone is saying nothing about (very funny) I went to check it up on google because I never heard of it and wanted to see what it was about and if it was good for my business. Saw it wasn’t for me. My observations (opinion) which maybe I should have kept to myself were from seeing the price and schedule which by the way doesn’t include hotel stay that would be additional $. Since you go – Please tell us more about it. Like Davening schedule (because I saw nothing about that) Just an AM Spin class (maybe right after Shachris) and a poolside Barbeque (maybe right after Mincha and dafyomi) The schedule and price was posted on the website so I am not making it up – and it definitely sounds more like a vocation than a business venture.

  22. When your children aren’t accepted into school you stand on the soapbox and lecture about kol yisrael arreivim.
    When you have a medical emergency God forbid you expect hatzoloh and bikur cholim to be available 24/7.
    When you are having chinuch/shalom bayis /shidduch issues you expect the rabbi to be available and spend endless amount of time and energy helping you out. Of course without remuneration.
    When you are having legal difficulties you expect the community and all the askanim, to rally behind you.
    When you’re stuck on the road or in a foreign country you expect every Jew /chaveirim to give a hand.
    It’s called community.
    But when you go on a inappropriate vacation it’s seriously mind your own business.
    It’s simply does not work that way the obligation cuts both ways and yes it’s more or less a take it all or none deal.

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