Dear Lakewood Scoop. There are many great Moisdes Hatorah in our town that state they are struggling and require their parents help in fundraising.
I feel that there is a trend going around that needs addressing.
Many parents are not willing to take on pages for their Schools with geshmak. Yet when it comes to other organizations in town, those same parents, who are not wealthy but are connected, will fundraise huge numbers.
One parent in my school raised 150k for a local org and just 2,500k for his school.
The reason why I’m bringing this up is to enlighten the admin of the schools the reason.
Let’s face it, we don’t really have a choice where we send. Not many options for most. Getting askonim involved is with more than 50 percent. When we did get in, we are generally treated poorly. No respect. No understanding. No collaboration. We don’t owe you anything is your attitude. We pay our crazy high tuition and tip the staff. We pay building funds so you can spend on things that are not needed. We pay dinner fees so you can announce raises and demand way more money but pay your staff just 50 dollars a month more.
So yes we don’t feel wanted or respected. Instead of going out of your way to treat us bad, Be respectful. Don’t threaten parents. Take feedback. Collaboration is key. There are some schools that do this but many don’t.
As a side note, the size of the school is not a difference. The Mir in Israel does a ton of fundraising for people that learned there years ago. There are people that learned there one zman and will shell out big numbers. People feel connected and respected.
So if you want parents to bend themselves over, you need to do the same.
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to letters@thelakewoodscoop.com
Wow. I never felt as understood in a letter as I did with this one.
I had to pay money to get into my school—and I have many daughters.
When I didn’t pay every month, they told my brother in law that I have no money. They did this at least twice. So I started paying every month on time—in full. I paid an additional 25k for a classroom, but they never even followed up to ask me for the name of the people I wished to dedicate it to, and, naturally, they never honored their side of the deal. My wife is never treated with respect, although we have spent hundreds of thousands in tuition at this point. The owner ignored me in EY, at several chassunos. And after not even acknowledging my existence at a chassuna, he called me for money just two weeks later. I just didn’t take his calls at that point.
Who are those people? Who raised them? What’s wrong with them?!
Be happy we took your kids, we owe you nothing. Feel privileged and honored. YOU OWE US YOUR LIFE. YOU MUST GIVE US EVERY PENNY OF YOUR MAASER. YOU OWE US EVERYTHING, WE OWE YOU NOTHING.
Dear Gvir,
I don’t know if you are a gvir or not but I would like to respond to you and all those that are raising tremendous amount of $ for outside organizations.
These organizations are important to klal yisroel and we need everyone to support them. The schools your children attend and the Rebbi’s and Morah’s are YOUR future generations. Your children should be the most important investment of your life. While you may need to swallow your pride because the overwhelmed and sometimes outright rude Rosh Hamosed didn’t dance when you applied to his school, the fact is that your child is there. In the school. Benefitting from the chinuch and warmth that our amazing mosdos our known for.
It seems like a matter of respect and I understand your feelings. However, take the time to make a cheshbon hanefesh and really understand what you are doing.
Then look at your children, their schools, close family, neighbors, shul friends and of course keep moving outward. Help those closest to you although you won’t get recognition for it. The neighbor that is dying of embarrassment to reach out for help. You wouldn’t know which one it is but he’s behind on his mortgage, tuition, and struggling to make a simcha.
So please, it’s not about your pride. It’s about doing the right thing. Let us all OPEN OUR EYES to those we see everyday and dig a little deeper and see if they need help. Before supporting X and Y, the halacha dictates to go to the closest first.
Rav Shtenman ZT”L is quoted as saying that if everyone gave maaser there’d be enough to support your whole city and the whole eretz yisroel.
It’s a bloodbath out there. Keep your eyes open dear fellow yidden. If you have the funds, ask your brother or sister, how can I help you? Ask your cousin, neighbor etc. I know you are marrying off your daughter, do you have enough to cover.
Good Shabbos to all.
a relationship is two ways. YOU CANT TREAT A PARENT BAD AND THEN SCREAM U NEED MONEY. IT WONT WORK.PARENTS ARE PAYING WAY MORE THAN THEIR FAIR SHAIR BIG TIME, THE ADMINS DONT RESPECT THAT AT ALL. THEY BELIEVE THEY CAN MANIPULATE YOU AND GUILT TRIP U. WE DONT OWE THE SCHOOLS EVERYTHING. WE OWE THE REBBES AND MORROS EVEERYTHING. AND SINCE ALMOST ALL OF THE FUNDRAISING IS FOR YOUR EGO AND PRIDE AND NOT CHINUCH I OWE U NOTHING. The CEO of a well known yeshiva said by torah umersoarh convention that Yeshiva tuition covers 80 percent of the budget. so interesting to note that yet you demand big numbers. I pay my tuition and tip very genrorsuly gladly and happily. To quote my kids Rebbe we never see a penny from these campin its always building fund!!!! also admins are forcing parents to pay more percent then they did years ago. after all we are covering 80 percent of the budget.
If I pay full tuition which by the way is more than the cost to educate my child then why should I be responsible to raise money for the school? If a school wants to make scholarship parents required to raise funds maybe I can understand that but I am literally paying full price for a service so why should I be required to go above and beyond?
To you and out of town
The school still has to cover another 20% and full tuition does not cover full expense for every kid anyway that needs extra services that the parents are not paying for us coming out of the schools pocket
I support my brothers, father and many others with their mortgage, insurance payments and more. On a monthly basis. And I often ask them, not the other way around.
Back to the point I was making, because it seems you were avoiding it and talking about a non issue inmy personal situation: Nothing exculpates the Rosh hamosad from being disgusting and dishonest.
I don’t think the writer is saying that it’s right not to give them. He’s just saying that they’re doing a stupid business move by treating people this way. At the end of the day, we are all human and most of us will typically react that way whether it’s right or wrong.
It’s a lot easier for me to fundraise for a local organization then my private school ppl give more and quicker to say Hatzalah or chai lifeline then they would to the school you send to
They have their own school to give too
This
Maybe it’s the cause that people are shelling out for.
When it comes to “schools” they may quicker give to their own children’s school, or they may feel that they already did so by paying tuition.
Schools are a dime a dozen. Some of the organizations fundraising are one in a generation.
Bottom line, the ability to raise big numbers may not be the “connection” – rather the cause.
A couple of things.
1) It’s not so much about the raiser, as it is about the ppl you’re raising from. If you are raising for RCCS, and you are my friend, I’ll give generously. If you are raising for your kids school, I’ll give a little bit to make you happy. That’s why a parent in your school was able to raise so much for a cause that ppl feel connected to. Ppl don’t feel connected to someone else’s kids school.
2) For yourself, your kids school should be a high priority when giving tzedaka. Local organizations are really nice, but you have an achrayis to give back to your kids school, no matter if you have something against the menahel or not. Talk to the administrators, not many people are sending the school extra money. They feel they are paying their dues with tuition (even though they know the school needs the extra money)
Well said. I will be passing this one to my admin.Another important aspect is that there is big competition betwenn schools. They lecture parents about not looking at the Jones and doing whatever you can to save money so you can pay tuition. That rule doesn’t apply to them. They don’t look at what is the easiest and cheapest way to run this school while keeping tuition down to a minimum. Practice what you preach.
The schools are not communty based schools.They are schools that cater to their particular crowd. So if I’m working with good hashkafos but don’t accept me because I’m working. why would I support a school like that? Hatzolah never told me we saved your father many times if not for us he would be…… He prob would be cv. They service the community no strings attached.When you are clear that your school is for Elite we don’t feel we owe you to support you.
Its all about the relationship. If there is a great relationship between parents and the school they will want to do it willingly.There are many people that do make big bucks on their pages fo their kids school.Its not fully accurate that people will only support their kids school and not heor friends. Look at the campaign pages you will see they are successful big time.The issue is the huge difffenec in numbers raised the writer states based solely on relationship. That is 100 percent accurate.Ill tell you even more. I have kids in more than one School. I gladly bring in money for one and don’t bring in a penny extra for the other one based on their mistreatment. i do collect for My kids Rebbes and morahs when they make simchas. I do tip nicely. so I deff agree with the writer
I read this letter and I also read the comments so far.
Some of us forgot the Mitzva of
לדון את חבירו לכף זכות
There are stories in the Gemara of real far fetched stories super unusual stories and that was the truth and there was a real good valid reason why he didn’t pay me right away .
If we judge another Yid in a favorable manner then Hashem will also judge us in a favorable manner.
I think it’s worth it.
Good Shabbos
Crowdfunding now became a crutch that schools rely on. Put the parents up to a task because that became the hashkafa: Schools make themselves the victims, and make the parents feel guilty.
I am not saying that they do indeed have the money, but this new method enables them to not put their back against the wall like all the olden day fundraisers for mosdos around Klal Yisroel.
there shouldn’t be any tuition crises anymore! this is what they promised!
this will be a total turntable if the Republicans end up delivering, and they are not as dumb as to just ignore the situation…
You nailed it!
This is 💯 true
Now that we are fully and finally acknowledged as a minority, let’s tap into all the money and services we’ve been starved out of. There’s plenty of existing programs and financial services we need to have. Let’s be “entitled”. We can give an amazing ROI never before seen by any minority.