Letter: Nothing has changed

Nothing has changed.

Actually, much has changed, but we apparently have not.

I opened my mailbox this week to find wedding invitations.

Now you’re thinking to yourself, okay, what’s the issue, right?

I’ll tell you the issue. I have no idea who the Baalei Simcha are. I literally stood these scratching my head trying to figure out who these people are.

Now I know it’s not my memory B’h. I just have no clue who these people are.

So why was I invited? Perhaps I once sat next to one of the Mechutanim at an event and made small talk with him? Did I perhaps let him go ahead of me on the road? Did we once send to the same school? Do we use the same dentist? Did our children once make a lemonade stand together?

My point is, I kind of miss the Corona Simchas. The ones which were limited to immediate family only. The ones which didn’t require us to invite 1000 people  – many who don’t even know us. The ones held in a backyard. There was something about those Simchas which made them so wholesome, so serene, and so intimate. I feel like those days are now gone and we’re back to square one (notice I didn’t write ‘back to normal’).

Has Corona not taught us anything about the way we do things? Has it not taught us to tone down extravagant events and live in a more simple manner?

Just a thought.
A simple Baalebus.

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18 COMMENTS

  1. If you don’t want to go , don’t go. The Baal Simcha obviously thought you would enhance his simcha. Too bad you don’t feel that way….

  2. Perhaps it was misaddressed…. I have received invitations made out to us, however , it was really meant for my brother and sister in law …. I don’t know you or if you have relatives with same or similar names but many times that happens. Another is…. the parents are inviting close friends of grandparents and the names were misscommunicated. Point is This could’ve been a mistake. And btw , I’m no accountant of character change, but I’m sure a one time misinvite is not a litmus test of character development of a whole community

  3. I can’t believe that one invitation to you mr baalhabus prompted you to submit a letter accusing the public. What a shame you have not changed

  4. I agree that we should make simchas simpler. But inviting less people is not always the best way to go for everyone. Not everyone is blessed with a big extended family, so they appreciate being included in friends’ simchas. If you don’t want to go, then you don’t have to go.

  5. Someone is trying to fix what sinas chinom did to the Beis Hamikdosh and you are complaining? You have no obligation to go, but please don’t complain when someone tries to show the world some unfettered love during this period of the year, especially in these trying times when people can use it.
    As for the adage ‘ tone down our simchas’, back in Europe a simcha was a project of the entire town in many cases, with everyone participating (not necessarily eating there, but they participated).
    Backyard simchas can be extravagant as well – please don’t push your social agenda and blame corona for it

  6. I think the baalei simcha HAVE learned from corona. They have learned to celebrate and appreciate what we can when we can. A big simcha to thank HKBH that we are here, we are healthy, we are continuing to build batei yisroel. Is there room for watching what we spend? Yes. But there is no mitzva in the Torah to make a smaller simcha or to spend less. If we’re going to change ourselves because of corona, shouldn’t it be in an area that is actually a mitzva?

  7. Your point is a good one in general, but why do you have to exaggerate it (in a misleading way) as to your relationship with the people who invited you, as a false way of proving your point? I doubt you received MULTIPLE invitations IN THE SAME WEEK to people whose names you did not recognize in such a short time span. You might get a few of those in your lifetime, at most.

    What ACTUALLY happened was: “Oh, I’m surprised Chaim Yankel invited me. I’m not especially close with him.” Instead you changed the story.

  8. WHAT!?!

    Was it a slow day at the office?

    I agree with all the comments here.

    How on earth do you know that 1000’s were invited? How do you know how extravagant the wedding was going to be? In fact, maybe you were one of the select few that were invited?

    I mean, if you were to judge yourself and the ba’al simcha favorably, perhaps you once did something for him / her and they wish to express their hakaras hatov!

    Please provide your name and address so I don’t accidentally send you an invitation to our children’s wedding – unless you are my mechutan, of course…

  9. Who decided that corona was a message to cut down on simchas?
    Each person has their own message to take out of corona about their own life , not for you to decide what the message is for everyone else. Whatever the message you were supposed to get is for you alone. Obviously Mr. Letter Writer did not get his message.

  10. Mr Simple Baalabes should publish his name so people know not to invite him to their simchos unless they are his immediate family.

  11. Where did this come from that Corona was a message not to invite people to be mesamaech choson v’kalla?. Stop dreaming. None of the chasanim and kallos who had these small weddings, that I spoke to at least, would want to this by choice. Just having people there with you, even if they only came for the shmorg, adds to the simcha. Why is 10k for a 320 person wedding in Bais Faiga considered extravagant? I would also reiterate what anonymous said that there are plenty of people who are looking to be invited to friends simchos because they don’t have much family and would not have the opportunity to be part of simchos if friends weren’t to invite them. In fact maybe that is what Corona is teaching us – while you sit isolated quarintine have in mind that when you make a simcha you will think of all the people who would be mechuzak from an invitation and invite them!! The couple of bucks you spend on their portions will be a zechus for your family and the new couple – much better spent than the 25k you spent on 1/2 a year for your daughter in seminary last year.

  12. To Mr. Baalebus: Do a BIG MISVA and just send a gift check to every wedding invitation that finds it’s way to your letter box. By the way, it’s way too risky to be attending weddings & and other simahot you be invited to and possibly running the high risk of contracting Caronavirus LoAlenu. JUST SEND FLOOSE AND have a blessed Shabbat Nachamu.
    Hashem should protect us all.

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