To those who need to hear this, I have been using marijuana for the last year because it has been the only thing bringing some relief to my stomach issues that my doctors haven’t been able to diagnose yet.
Last night, I was smoking outside at 2am. I generally try to smoke late so the smell won’t disturb neighbors as I’m already looked down upon because I’m obviously more modern.
A neighbor came home with their family and while they didn’t see me, I heard their comments and I was mortified. I felt so bad from it! No, there was no marijuana party happening. I felt your disgust towards me. I am not a bad person and I am definitely not throwing drug parties.
I lost almost half my body weight this year, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I’m just trying to get a little relief.
Please just remember you never know who can hear you and you never know what someone is going through.
(TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected])
Refua shleima
You should have arefuah from your stomach condition.
I would like to say, that you cannot do something that has extremely negative connotations, and expect people to be “understanding”.
There is a chiyuv on YOU of “v’hiyisem nekiyim” while the issue of being “dan lekaf zchus” in this case would be a Midas chassidus.
The responsible thing would be to be upfront with your neighbors, apologize to them BEFOREHAND about the smell and explain that it is due to a medical condition.
I GUARENTEE you that they would be the sweetest people about it.
The approach you took however, was to passively denigrate those who have certain standards. Standards, that by all objective analysis, are very much correct!
Good news is, there is still opportunity to unmix this!
Hatzlacha
Why not write a letter to your neighbor instead of the whole World Wide Web?
It will remind all of us to be zan lekaf zchus
May Hashem send to you a speedy and quick recovery. May Hashem heal you together with the other not well people.
רפואה שלמה
@Teddy I didn’t send directly to my neighbor because I am afraid I will be booted from my neighborhood. It is sad but the reality is I don’t fit image of a “Frum” yid in their eyes and by doing that I’d be poking the bear.
Come to Coventry your welcome here
I am sorry for what happened and I hope you feel better soon. However, you probably should’ve been proactive and told your neighbors about this right away. Maybe they should be dan lekaf zchus, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be clear….
People have to stop being so sensitive, if you feel you live in the wrong community then move to a more chilled part of town, you can’t expect people in Lakewood not to say or think anything when they see you smoking weed. And the same way a yeshivish person would be the weird one out in Teaneck, a modern person is going to be that guy in a yeshivish area. Or you could shtultz out the fact that you’re different, and just chill wit it. Hatzlocho rabba
I have no idea if there is a difference but you should try CBD gummies. No tell-tale smoke – perfectly legal – no prescription needed – available only at licensed dealers (there is one in Toms River). The gummies have done wonders for my issues, may not work for you, but worth a try.
@Lakewood Kld, Don’t I have a right to privacy? It’s hard enough physically and emotionally. Why should I have to disclose my private medical issues to my neighborhood? They should have been dan lekaf zchus period!
Sounds like Crohns/colitis?
Why not just try adjusting your diet to get relief from stomach issues. Try the mainstream alternative route before you resort to weed.
Just wanted to say that you are not the only person in the area “smoking”
But most chevra get themselves a wax pen so as not to bother anyone in the neighborhood.. additionally being self conscious about your observance level is something you should work on bc most ppl simply dont care if your keeping to yourself… therapy may be able to help you with stomach and confidence issues hatzlacha with everyghing
@your neighbor, I do have a wax pen, CBD, edibles and have tried diets and am under the care of a gastro. There’s times when only smoking regular brings relief. It is so troubling to see how people react. You do not know what someone is going through! There’s a line between self conscious and neighbors actually making comment but you are right living in a community like Lakewood has made me ashamed of being viewed as a Frum Jew by others
Why were you so hurt, if they are not talking to their sick neighbor next door?! Sounds like there is a guilty conscious going in here!
I’m not saying I don’t sympathize just saying people are allowed to ask you to hide it! And for doing it in the place where you did it, you got clobbered!
I am not frum but people like that make me want to not ever be frum again. What’s the point if no matter what level of frumkiet I am it isn’t enough? People like that are unhappy and just take it out on others. Screw them and other judgmental jews. I can’t wait until 1 of their kids goes off the derech or is less religious then them. (It’s going to happen) and they get a taste of karma.
Enough of these fabricated agenda driven letters!!
And talking about stereotyping you would probably be the first to call the police if a big black guy was walking around your street late at night, just looking around not realising that he is actually a doctor checking on a patient on his own time and needs help finding a address. For example. We all stereotype one way or another . Grow up!!
You have a right to be hurt. You were humiliated for no reason. Minding one’s own business is an old issue in the community – not a new one.
On another note, if you are open to hearing another perspective on what might be going on with you – I have an idea or 2.
Hint: If the doctors can’t diagnose it – that’s probably because the root of your issue is not necessarily medical, despite the symptoms showing in your body. And judging from your letter, it all fits right in.
This convoluted address leads to my primary email if you want to pick up the convo with me:
[email protected]
Be strong, be confident in what you do and who you are!
Strengthen your relationship with hashem and don’t mind anyone else
Good afternoon, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I suffer from severe PTSD. Although there are medications available for me, i can not take them as when I’m on them they impair my ability to go to work. I have tried medications to stay regulated, but the after affects and the never ending cycle of trying anything that will work , has brought me to using marijuana, which actually works. I’ve had a similar story to yours, we had a neighbor which approached my wife and told her that I’ve been doing drugs, We kindly explained to them without any shame that I suffer from a severe illness, unless they can bring the cure for me, they should kindly not judge me in any way shape or form. Once I communicated that properly, that family actually talks to me and looks up to me my wife my kids and my family, their kids play by my house all the time . I’m hoping that with proper conversation with your neighbor you can do the same . Best wishes, and I hope you feel better soon. Avi. Truly wishing you the best !
What does the Torah say about this? Is a person allowed to do something that looks wrong to others, and then demand that the other person be dan lekaf zechus? I don’t think so. The Torah says והייתם נקיים מה’ ומישראל
I know it doesn’t feel comfortable, but that is what the Torah says.
Thats if you’re doing something that looks wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with smoking weed the only reason why we believe its wrong is because of media and govenment brainwashing, weed happens to be very healthy its a wonder drug curing people with many deceases even cancer, does it make sense to you now why the govenment would want to demonize it they’ll lose billions in big pharma funds these are facts think outside the box
Weed does not cure cancer. Please do not spread misinformation.
There is a tzaddik in this town, Menachem Dancour of nature’s warehouse down the 9. He has helped many many people suffering from stomach issues that doctors could not figure out. Refuah sheleima!
@tryingtounderstand , you have an interesting way of being ” sympathetic “
@read a book, you might be correct if it is something people only look down upon. In this day and age it is well know the medical world of marijuana. So yes you can demand they be Dan lekaf zchus. Ignorance is no excuse
Try to get to a functional nutritionist who practices functional medicine. You can contact lakewood scoop who can send you my email if you wish……
you may also want to consider the side effects;
just google something like cannabis users at risk of emergency care
zay gezunt!