1. כל המרחם על הבריות מרחמין עליו מן השמים
   Find someone who really really needs help and put yourself out for them. Be מוסר נפש for them.
   And don’t just help, but take full responsibility for them in every way imaginable and then some until you pull them out of their desperate situation. True רחמנות and not just chesed.
   You have a PROMISE from Hashem that he will have רחמנות on you as well……

   • Daven for someone else who needs a shidduch. If it’s a friend or family member, ask them, if you can daven for each other. BH it worked for my family member, but one must daven as hard as for oneself or a sibling . Hatzlacha rabba and besuros tovos

   • She didn’t ask for more eitzos, she’s heard all of them already. She only asked for you to have her in mind in your tefilos.

     • ……And I quote: “YOUR THOUGHTS and tefillos mean the world to me…..”
       Those were my thoughts…..actually Chazal’s thoughts…..

2. One thing I have to tell you, is don’t give up, Hashem can & will do anything, don’t stop davening, keep storing in emuna & Bitachon, try learning Shmeras Halashon, there’s a guarantee regular from r segel

   • THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES

     Hashem already setup your zivug and everyone else’s zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.
     Mrs. Seminary girl,/Mr. Learning/working boy Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?
     Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.

     Why are we not putting our faith and trust directly in our loving father, king of kings, ruler of the world Hashem? Especially when we all know the truth that Hashem has everything down to every person’s breath and penny of income already decreed since Rosh Hashanah for the entire upcoming year? Of course we need to do our Hishtadlus but the ultimate secret for success in our needs is to turn Directly to the source Hashem for help in anything. as we say in bentching from Tehillim “ודורשי ה לא יחסרו כל טוב” i.e. for one who seeks out Hashem directly lacks nothing that is good.

     • Shmuel, we don’t know the ways of Hashem but the fact of the matter is, 1000s of singles worldwide, across the frum spectrum are over 40 yrs old and have not met their Bashert. To say there’s no Shidduch crisis in a horrible, insensitive thing to say.

       • Hashem has a reason why someone is still single and I can list TEN REASONS
         1)not doing their hishtadlus rather ruchnius or gashmius
         2) punishment for laughing at someone else years ago that they still aren’t married at this older age. Ever heard of midah kineged midah?
         3) person only has a short mission left to complete in this world before coming to the olam haemes to serve Hashem directly but getting married will leave the innocent children as orphans.

         4)a test of bitachon and emunah
         5)other tests that need to be completed and passed before being ready for the nisayon of marriage which includes Shalom Bayis and having children etc……
         6) person is not on the level of marriage which involves thinking about your spouse BEFORE yourself cause today sadly were living in Sedom where everything is ME ME ME AND ONLY ME.

         Many other reasons that can be listed from the ruchnius perspective of why Hashem has not sent someone their zivug yet and they need to work on themselves showing Hashem that they are ready to get married and handle the nisayon of marriage.

         • To Rabbi Dovid:
           Can you please explain to us how come Penina got punished for those different things that she said to Channa? Chazal say that whatever she said to Chana, she sincerely meant LeShem Shamaim. So why did Penina get punished? She was LeShem Shamaim. She meant well and she got punished. Why?

         • how cold can you be to another person’s suffering?
           anybody and everybody can hold a job, get a driver’s license, take out a credit card.
           you really think they are not capable of getting married?
           sure they are.
           there just aren’t enough boys. and there never were. because the boys their age went after girls younger than them and so a girls surplus was created by market unfairness.
           this can only change by changing the system. and the system will only change when the public mindset gets updated. and that will happen by itself as lifestyles and values get reevaluated.
           and the current system which is leaving girls trapped out and abandoned opens up to allow freedom of movement and the right to choose what and when in this vital area.

         • What happened to the other 4 reasons, Dovid?

     • A bunch of foolish misguided ideas about Bitochon have been written here. There are many tzadikim who lived with full bitochon who never had children, lost their wives & children, never had a peaceful day with the wife/husband they married, etc.
       There is no guarantee that we will get what we won’t in life even if wer’e on the highest level of Bitochon. So said Rav Moshe Feinstein & the Chazon Ish, among many others.
       Klal Yisroel has a big Eis Tzorah because there are thousands of unmarried girls with no one to date. Will Hashem make a Nes & fix this problem? I hope so. Is there any guarantee that Hashem will fix this problem for us? Unfortunately NO! We have no guarantee!
       Despite all the Tehillim said, shidduch meetings, Bitochon Hotlines, Tzedakah Given, the Yeshuah hasn’t come & we don’t know if it will before the geulah shleima bikorov.
       Our main job is to save the next generation of girls by balancing out the ration of girls to boys in the shidduch market. That is the mitzvah that Hashem expects from us Lemaan Bnos Yisroel.

   • There’s no guarantees in life no matter what zechus you undertake. Hashem has a plan for all of us & it’s not up to us to necessarily change it.

3. Can you please share you’re tehillim name so we can daven for you?

   • Dovid’s or the letter writer? I would daven for both.

4. Wishing you that by next year this time you will be celebrating Tu Bav with your Basherte

   • I’m with you in this. The wait is difficult, painful and so long. And what makes it even harder is everyone’s “helpful” advice. Yes, I tried that segulah, and that one, and even the other one. Yes, I met many shadchanim and do as much hishtadlus as humanly possible. Yes, I took on numerous kabbalos, and you better bet I daven and daven and daven.
     I don’t know your tehillim name, but I just davened for you and I really hope your wait is over very, very soon.
     I also want to share information about an amazing chizuk email group that sends out a daily email with either an inspiring message, a heartwarming poem, a wise quote… To sign up for the email you can send an email to [email protected]

5. Davening with all my heart for your yeshua to come in the blink of an eye- b’karov..

6. Until someone has tasted this “journey”, they might understand intellectually, but can’t fully grasp the all-consuming pain. Some prefer to offer a used bandaid so they feel better and can move on.
   I am very sorry about the net that has caught so many singles, rendering them “older singles”. You are not a Nebach.
   I was listening to a shiur by Rabbi Zecharya Wallerstein-z-tz-l: He said look for Midos Midos Midos. No one can take those away. They endure and shine brighter.
   I know you are doing your Hishtadlus so I give no advice. May you meet your Zivug Hogun with clarity and Mazel, and celebrate while also helping those, who must wait.

7. Have you joined Ohel Sarala and Lechu V’nelcha 2 wonderful organizations for singles I am part of. They create many different events where you make tons of friends and see you aren’t alone.

   • Thank you very much for your kind advice.

   • And also reach out to UNITE!!! the only all frum womens single community in the world. They treat u like family and it will give u a renewed spark of life while u navigate this part of ur journey

8. PLEASE don’t give up.. I’ve been there and BH married a tzaddik.. just really really believe and daven. Stay strong.. You seem in despair a little.. do exercise, daven, enjoy life, do chessed, be involved with your siblings and their families and Hashem will send you the right one IYH.. be happy and simply enjoy your time now.. TLS can give you my email address Im happy to speak with you

   • We need more people like you.

9. Permit me please to make a tiny correction.
   “the ones I have been interested in did not connect with me”.
   Food for thought:
   I have heard several Rabbonim say a powerful Segula to have your prayers answered.
   If you are in the middle of a “Nisayon”, the Satan is trying to get you to do a tiny little sin and you fight back and win and you did no sin at all, that is a beautiful moment to ask Hashem to help you with whatever issue it may be.

10. Coach Menachem has a live podcast tonight on shidduchim presented by three popular dating coaches. It is worth listening to. Hatzlacha!

11. let the boys start dating younger
    which will
    let more girls get married
    =
    more kedusha, more Torah, more families, more children and more happiness and goodness,

    don’t be intimidated to back down from doing what makes sense!

    Tu B’Av is about courage, success, and happiness!

    focus, it can work, and it will work!

12. I genuinely have no advice. I am just a simple, simple fellow Jew, who is reading your letter and crying

13. I am reading the comments and just don’t believe it.

    Please stop with your advice. You have a girl devastated that she is not married. I am sure she did everything that you are posting and more, can you imagine how much you are hurting her with your comments???

    Just stop what you are doing and ask HASHEM to send her here SHIDICH ASAP like this MONTH!!!!

    To the letter writer, I wish that HASHEM sends you your SHIDICH this MONTH, and you should be ZOCHE together with your new husband to build a true BAIS NEMAN BYISROEL!!!

14. She writes: I dated over 50 boys, most wanted me but “ I DIDN’T CONNECT WITH THEM” who’s fault do you think it is! what is she fardraying everyone a kuhp. After rejecting some much boys how do you think those boys feel! After a boy gets rejected boys take it much more to heart and take it worse than a girl.

    • Please reread the paragraph, in no way does she say that most of the 50 wanted her and she didnt connect.

      We are just past the 3 weeks, let us not forget what Ahavas Chinam is: No judgement, only love and compassion.

      May Hashem listen to all of our tefillos and may this wonderful young lady and all the other singles find their bashert soon!!

      To the letter writer and all other singles, Chazzak! Always rember that Hashem loves you and is holding you tight, even though it may sometimes seem like he let go, just tighten that grip because He will never let go!

    • You made that up. She never wrote that most wanted her. Re-read her words and then delete your insensitive post.

    • She did not say “most wanted me”. She did not say percentage on either side.
      “and the ones who wanted me, I did not connect with”
      She did not say “most”.
      Also, if you speak with the professional Shadchanim, the say that the girl gets more offended when she gets a “no”. I do agree with you that it is possible that there is a small percentage of boys that maybe those few boys will get more offended then the average girl.

15. 10degrees Below so far is the only one who made who has spoken the truth. The insensitive comments above are appalling and the people who are just saying to daven are also a bit disingenuous when people are taking actions against Chazal –
    which is playing a big part of this issue in the first place. If we really want to make this situation go away we need to take real action and follow what chazal says. Remember the chassidim, Europeans, Israel’s etc. don’t know what you are talking about when you tell them about this situation. Follow the dots and you may draw some conclusions.

16. I would like to Daven for you. Please leave your name. My son is on his way up to Amukah right now to daven for a Shidduch. I can give him your name as well to have you in mind.

17. I’m B”H married over 50 years, I’ve tried to help many others, etc.
    The Holy Reb Gamliel and the Steipler among many others that the one and only thing to look for is Midos toivus.

    You don’t have to connect-NOW.

    Eventually, you’ll connect.

    • Why do 20% of today’s shiduchim end up with a Get or a rotten marriage if you don’t need to connect? All midos Ro’os?
      What was said 2 generations ago might not apply the same way to our Dor. Our manhigim in the Yeshiva world have said that there needs to be a nesius Chein in order to marry someone.

18. Hey! Relax! You Don’t know all facts.

19. # Mutty, She absolutely did not say most wanted me!!! Go back and read what she said!!!

20. Whom ever wrote this letter, thank you. And iYH you should find your bashert immediately. I would not say it to your face. But that’s my bracha.

    For all who have brilliant suggestions, don’t you think these singles have davened, cries and already tried so many regular. Even the most oddest ones.

    As a person who got married later than my friends, it’s hard to watch my daughter who hasn’t had a date in 2 years. Supposedly it’s not odd. And yes we network and we speak to others. And then I get frustrated for why am I worried, as when I open my mouth to network I find out the other persons daughter is 3-4 years older than my daughter. So what’s the big deal if she is 24-25. Should I complain..

    We are not here to give advice to the singles. We can privately daven for them – but don’t tell them.

    You can tell your thinking about them and wish you had an idea.

    But please done tell them “iyh by you”. You can say “simchos by all”

    And don’t tell them your not going to anymore simchos until she /he finds their bashert.

    People’s heart are meaningful but it has to connect with the brain. BH or hopefully you have never been there so how can you understand- unless you yourself are currently holding at the same situation and not every situation is the same as the other.

    Yes you want to help.
    So think about, let them know your thinking about them.and then Try to red shidduchim. But do not get insulted is he/she says it’s not for them. Your job is to think of others. Not more. If the shidduch happens, please don’t push it to make you fell great. If it’s bashert it will happen.

    So everyone thank for yout great ideas 💡- the singles know almost every type of segula, are already on a higher ruchniyas level then anyone else to suggest otherwise as commented here. The nisyanos of this generation as well as this mission the singles and their parents are dealing is not easy.

    Ps shadchanim and want to be shaddchan. Please don’t take it personal when someone had diffrent ideas of what to ask before going out or says it’s not what their looking for. Your job is to suggest. And if people asks things you think are abnormal in your little world, don’t object or go unguard.

    May I also say please be truthful when asked direct questions. Your not helping anyone. Your only responsibile to create issues later with Chas vshalom a broken engagement or.divorce.
    And to the coaches who tell the singles to ignore their feelings, as weired as it is, stop convincing then to go to chuppa. Life is not just a party and gifts. Their is real life and it starts after sheva brachos. Not every time does one know what the issue is and focus on something that may not add up. Let it go and don’t push. It’s not their bashert. Watch they will marry a person with the same name, or beard, or color hair.
    Many understandably have anxiety. But that doesn’t make you the doctor to operate. Coaches need to know their limitations.
    Real experience doctors snd successful doctors don’t tell their patients to ignore their feelings and convince the pateint what the real thing is bothering them is something they never thought.

    If someone has anxiety PLEASE Get help before dating or take a break.
    Dating isn’t therapy. And marriage isn’t a hospital. It takes work.

    I wish young before marriage age cna get help for their issues to deal with prior to dating. And parents give your daughter or son some space. Don’t make it a crisis to have them lined up before they even get back from seminary. Give me them a few months to a year to land. Back off the pressure. If they don’t like his eyes after the 5th date then don’t push it.
    I will say girls need to give a guy more than 2 dates and think it’s worth investing more time. You don’t know someone in 2 dates. Take the pressure off yourself and the system.
    Give it another date with an open heart.

    I apologize if I said something insensitive. Just a father who got married late and has children waiting for their real bashert.

21. Thanks for the inspiration. I said Tehillim for you and all those facing this difficult challenge.

    • there once was a fire but the fire brigade couldn’t put it out because someone was stepping on the hose and lecturing everyone about praying that everyone should be miraculously saved from getting burned.

      so too, first get rid of the cause, look for what can prevent this from happening, and make sure it happens soon, in this case a major system overhaul with absolutely no more coercion on the boys not to begin looking for their spouse until, later, thereafter someday etc.

      because there is no pressure on any boy, he can just look at even younger girls, but girls cannot in the same way look at any boy 5 yrs younger than her.

      when that correction is in place, when there is a real calculated chance that every girl can find a boy, which is possible if it works along the same age bracket where there are even numbers of boys to girls, then daven that it should all happen quickly, correctly, and smoothly.

22. Some of the comments here were offending.
    It is pretty obvious that if a person says a nasty comment, that person probably has some mental issues.
    I think it would be a great Mitzva if the people who write letters, if they are able to forgive all those people that write comments that are not fair comments. I am talking in general to all those letters that we saw during the past 12 months. A nasty comment means that the guy is not feeling well. I am sure that most people will one day regret their nasty comment.

23. Dear “alone” Bas Yisrael: Reading your plea brought tears to my eyes. This adds to the river of tears flowing from the loss of so many heroic and beautiful young people who have been valiantly fighting in defense of Klal Yisrael.

    It is not surprising that this is a time of tears, as Chazal foretold would be our fate during Chevlei Moshiach. I pray that there are many more readers of your letter who brought forth tears of pain for you, than those who responded with little compassion and unsolicited “advice”. You have a cohort of souls standing by your side during this trying time…trying for you and for all of Am Yisrael. May the geulah come very soon to bring a refuah to all of our tzaros.

24. Was there no Shadchan when you reached adulthood?

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