I would like to share some thoughts I had upon seeing a tzedaka campaign recently. There are boys from poor homes that cannot afford to date because dating is so expensive so the oilam should please give money for this important cause. Car rental, drinks gas and tolls etc.
I wonder if people find this disturbing as I do. These are young MEN getting ready to marry and become responsible adults. If they are from homes that are struggling financially they need to be realistic. They should understand that their parents cannot afford to pay for their dates. They are healthy and strong and perfectly capable of working a bit on bein hazmanim and earning a few bucks. There are plenty of opportunities for making serious money for someone willing to work. (Instead of going on road trips etc.) They could pay for their own dates. Maybe this should be part of the hishtadlus for marriage.
The boys expect to be supported by their wives/ fathers in law and I understand that is the norm because they want to learn.
Butโฆ shouldnโt they be expected to contribute some effort if their parents are struggling? There are beautiful organizations that help pay for the weddings and the gifts for the kallah etc and I think the money would be better spent there. Why should the community at large have to cover his dating costs?
I do appreciate the sensitivity of this organization to want to help others and itโs really special. But are we coddling our young men just a bit too much? Is it really good for them to have everything handed to them on a silver platter with no effort of their own?
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them toย [email protected]
Boys date more often than girls and each date costs alot. So even I they worked and earned $$$ it would likely not be enough.
Great PR! If any organization would like I can write a letter free of charge to TLS. I have multitude ideas/issues with organizations. You will see immediate fundraising results!!
This letter is utterly ridiculous. The period of time spent in BMG as a bachur is very stressful as it is. You feel lost in a huge crowd of hundreds of Bachurim & thousands of Yungerleit with very little social or financial support.
You have no marketable skills to earn much money at all bein hazemanim & certainly not to cover your dating expenses on your own. This is a time that you need the peace of mind to make the very important decision of whom to marry for life!
We want our Bachurim to be able to date with Yishuv Hada’as & not be worried about the financial costs of the date.
More to the point, This writer is campaigning for Boys to start working BEFORE they go in to Shidduchim.
Why not say it straight ?
Why make himself appear like a stingy grump ?
Actually, the writer of this letter comes off much more as a “she” than a “he”. Certainly not written by anyone who actually learned in a yeshivah.
The boys’ parents have insisted on big bucks from the girls side just to get the date. Let them borrow for the dating. Girls parents will be borrowing for years
Yess!!!
Stop cuddling them!
Let them take responsibility for something! Otherwise how will they learn? How can we expect them to step up and lead a household if they can’t be responsible to procure their own funds to date?
This is why we have too many boys and not enough men in the shiduch market…. and girls don’t want boys, they want men! IMHO it’s one of the biggest issues contributing to the shiduch crisis.
Perhaps, Boys grow to be men during marriage not always before; same for the girls.Then the boys marry the girls and they grow together to be Men and Lady.
Could you imagine what a strong marriage that creates in thatboth immature grow to TOGETHER into adulthood!
Whereas if they are both fully grown into man and Lady the PERHAPS that is a missed benifical link to have incorperated in thir marriage connection; because now they have less that they experienced to together.
Doe sthis mean both Boy and Girl need to be totally immature… of course not but to expect full manhood and fullladyhood PERHAPS is a lost opportunity in the marriage Kesher.
Yes, we shouldnโt be cuddling our kids – which includes the parents should not be handing out credit for their boys to go on a date too! If you never had a problem with parents paying for their kids dates, why all of a sudden are you having a problem โcuddling the boysโbecause an organization is paying for it? Shouldnโt you be responsibility in a home even if the parents are rich?
The word is coddle. Cuddling boys should stop after infancy or toddler age. Try to cuddle your 8th grader and see what happens.
I agree.
If you want to get married, you need to be able to afford certain basics like a car (rental), gas, and emergency money. Dates do not need to cost extra money. U do not need to do activities that cost money in order to get to know someone enough to decide if you want to marry them. But if you can’t even afford the basics before you get married, it might be in everyone’s best interest to wait until you are a bit more financially responsible to take on married life. It’s nice that some ppl have parental help but that is usually after the wedding. People should not be giving tzedaka for dates. So many people don’t marry the first person they go out with, and so many times people go out more than just a small handful of times, that’s a lot of tzedaka ur asking for. Be responsible and make some money before you date. I don’t care how frum you are, it’s not ok to take tzedaka for this.
If you donโt agree with an organization thatโs okay and you donโt need to contribute towards what they do but to write a letter against it to be posted on social media is a whole nother story! There are very chashuve rabbanim who endorse this organization, just Bec you think everybody is lazy or isnโt doing enough doesnโt mean itโs true! Just so we are clear I was one of the buchurim who worked bein hazmanim/sedarim and let me tell you first of all dating costs a lot more then possible to make bein hazmanim. I think if you try to see the bad then thereโs what to judge about every organization and we can find problems with all of them but instead of looking for problems why donโt we try to look at the good and try to see if itโs possible we are making a mistake and there really is a huge need and void they are filling! I give you a bracha you should get more of an ayin tov and that you should appreciate the special things people are doing for klal yisroel!
very well said! the retzay approves this message!!
That’s not the point of the letter. The letter writer is really trying to express something much deeper. An adult shouldn’t be expecting others to spoon feed them. Unless of course there are serious health issues. Thus if a guy is looking to get married and already is unable to perform a basic responsibility, he’s not ready for marriage. I’m all for Kollel, and personally help support Kollel families. However, It’s a deoraisa for a man to support his family. See pesukim in beginning of Parshas Mishpatim. No one disagrees with this. These guys will expect a father-in-law to be broke for a decade just making this one wedding and 5+ years support. He should be able to fund something for himself. I wonder how many of these struggling guys go out to eat instead of only eating what BMG cook supplies?
Hot takeโฆ
However the goal of the campaign was to push people to go on โtry it outโ datesโฆ
Most bocherim wouldnโt want to spend there hard earned money on a โtry it outโ dateโฆ
It’s part of finding their lost item. If you lose something and don’t spend to find it, that’s Yiush. If I remeber correctly The Kotzker says on the Sugya of Yiush the reason why we PAsken like Abaye is because some one that gives up is lacking DAS. Thus they aren’t capable of Yiush. If a guy is unwilling to look for what he lost, maybe he’s lacking basic Daas, and isn’t capable marriage.
Can you help me find a bein hazmanim job that pays thousands
I would appreciate it?!
Work Bein hasderim all year. You have to give to get.
clean cars
The bachurim benefiting from this are not the ones going on and spending money on road trips.
true
I’ve seen plenty of not having taking expensive trips.
You only see bad in people if you are looking for it. You need to look for the good in people.
Amazing question, and I’ve asked this type question to multiple Rosh Ha’Yeshivas’ of mine, and no, don’t take this as a pack, but supporting someone so he can go on a date is actually supporting his learning, because he can now afford to go on a date and still stay in yeshiva all day and learn. Giving tzedaka doesn’t only mean giving to the poor, it also means giving to the rabim, giving to yeshivos/ bais yaakovs, giving so one can learn Torah, even giving for a party made for the rabim ๐คฏ but only if it’s for the rabim, and even more ๐คฏ if a rich person wants to buy something and doesn’t have money on him, giving him money to buy it is also tzedaka!!!! So yes, giving money to someone so he can go on a date and still stay in yeshiva is considered tzedaka. But don’t take it from me cuz I’m not a posek.
Which RY said giving money for a party derabbim is tzedakah?
You know what I find disturbing? Everyday I get over 50 (at least) Tzedakah emails. There are a few that should have my email address because I have some relationship with. Most are new and I never heard of.
Obviously someone is “sharing” / distributing email addresses without permission. I don’t think this is kosher at all.
True and sad.
You can hit the unsubscribe button.
Organizations have been selling/sharing/exchanging lists for decades.
I knew someone who (in the early 90s) spelled his name differently for each organization so he could see which organization was sharing with which.
Same can be said for various other tzedakos. We should be helping the needy as much as possible, and they are hopefully be doing the same by doing whatever possible to be gainfully employed.
The boys’ hope is that they will snag a well to do wife, or at least a wife who has a lucrative job. There are jobs for young guys, but perhaps they feel that they are too menial.
99.9% of jobs don’t cover our expenses. Get over it. I’m a 2 family income, outside of Lakewood, and even Kollel families in Lakewood take more vacations then we do. If you can’t do it, stay single.
Your apparent blatant kinnah is not good for your health !
Not to mention, loooooserish.
I think the girls should just pick up the boys and pay for the date. They are working anyway and will soon be expected to support their husband’s, so why not start now ?
Great idea. It also make sense. Der mit der meah hut a dah.
I started and run this organization. The boys we are helping are already working bein hazmanim to pay for their new clothes. Believe me, their parents aren’t helping with that either. They are not “going on road trips etc.”
These parents are struggling to pay for groceries. When getting hit with dating expenses, they are simply overwhelmed. A basic first date (nothing fancy, just a car, gas, and tolls) can be well over $125. Multiply that by multiple dates a month, either continuing with that shidduch, or unfortunately moving on to others. The costs can be a deterrent to giving a shidduch another try or even going out in the first place.
These are serious boys learning all day. (We only help boys learning in yeshiva for this very reason.) Many of them already work bein hazmanim, just for their basic expenses in yeshiva (like I mentioned earlier.) But how much do you expect them to make over a few weeks? And I hope we can understand that they are already using that money to replace their three-year-old hat or tattered suit.
One more point: The lack of funds can lead to another disastrous effect. Many boys will take a girl to a park, or another lounge, even on later dates, as they cannot afford more. However, later in the process, it is crucial that they plan a date properly (activity, restaurant etc.)
We started this fund because while helping thousands of dates each year on our hotline (we have a hotline that helps boys find appropriate venues for their dates) we realized how many shidduchim were being affected due to financial strains.
May we only celebrate simchos together!
P.S. We are very short on funds. If you want to join this huge mitzvah, we are 100% volunteer run, and every dollar goes straight towards building future batei yisroel!
Thank for this tremendous Chessed. You are literally helping to build Klal Yisroel and saving bachurim from embarrasment. Ashrecha.
Thank you so much! Amen!
Thank you so much for what you and your organization are doing, may it be HaShem’s will to grant your cause and your organization’s efforts a lot of success!
All fine and dandy. Maybe we need to go back to old school and not think so fancy. 50 years ago no one went out to eat that often. In Eretz Yisroel as well as many parts of Europe, dating doesn’t involve eating out and other expensive outings. Go old school. Sit in. Create a cheap sit in environment, similar to what was done during Covid. There’s no need to do what the wealthier do. Nor to have what the wealthy have. If someone needs all that while dating, both the guys and the gals, they will not be happy in the long run living b’histapkus. This is a major issue today among Klal Yisroel in America.
You seem all too eager to respond to every Yahtz that says something. Maybe itโs time for you to get a job. And this organization is amazing, maybe you should volunteer for them in your spare time instead of writing your insightful responses.
Please pm me. I want to make sure my daughter doesn’t marry your son. (sheesh you sound miserly and bitter)
It would be a good idea to work on some ayin tova and farginen before moshiach comes.
Additionally we don’t live in the shtetel anymore.
Dates involve spending some money.
No need to donate to this beautiful cause if it doesn’t speak to you, but you don’t need to be bitter about it.
Thank you Elimelech for all that you do for the klal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly amazing and don’t let the haters win, They are just jealous that they arnt successfully in life this is how they keep busy.
I just gave a donation after reading your comment. Kol Hakavod to you!!
To the letter writer, While I may agree with some of your sentiments, when it came time to make a simcha, I realized things were not that simple and clear cut.
Thank you Elimelech! you do so much for the klal and these struggling families as is evident from your work. Apparently these people who comment know more about tzedaka and whats a good Org. than the Roshie Yeshiva who endorse you. Please continue your great work and remember that it’s the thoughtful and helpful people like you who”ll bring Mashiach closer
Why should money go for the girl and not the guy….
I’m assuming you used your parents credit card when you were dating correct me if I’m wrong.
My father told me that the same was done in Slabodka in Lithuania. They would share a hat for meeting shidduchim. The idea is to make a good first impression. The young women knew exactly what they were getting into, but you always want to have an image of potential in mind. Use your energy to raise a hue and cry about makeup and contact lenses, which are intended to defraud innocent young men.
good points. 2 replies:
1. it is tzedaka if that is the standard
2. even though he could work, it will disturb his learning, so, in essence the people contributing are donating to help him continue learning.
I will bli neder donate $18,000 to this organization because of this letter.
To organization organizers: stay strong, this is the yetzer hora writing this letter.
To the bachurim that are struggling: don’t read the letter, and if you do, please dont be hurt, asthese letters are impulsively written and published.
Please respond with a link in the comments to donate.
https://pay.banquest.com/datingresourcesnetwork
R’ Elimelech and his rebbetzin are true gomlei chassodim who hold up the world, always thinking of others….
We are admirers and inspired by their dedication to the klal!!!
Unbelievable!!! What a shtuch!
I don’t think TLS will allow a link through, but please google Dating Resources Network. We will be the first result.
Tax ID 92-2305095
In case this works:
http://www.datingresourcesnetwork.org
WOW!!!
May this be a Z’chus for you and your family
Kudos !
Maybe people who can’t afford groceries shouldn’t get Tomchai Shabbos as well, since they should do their hishtadlus and get a job?
As someone who happens to know what this AMAZING organization offers, it is the same people who struggle to put food on their table that are helped with this financial aid. They are not people that just feel “entitled” and want free stuff, they are people who work during bein hazmanim, they use their free time that’s meant to rest up as their time to make a few extra dollars. These are the same people that have to buy clothing, food and all other expenses for themselves since their parents can’t afford it. how much money can one possibly make during bein hazmanim with all these expenses and still have extra money to spend on a date. Even if this boy has a generous friend who will lend him his car, he will still have to pay for gas tolls drinks and parking. All this can literally cost $100 for just a first date from Lakewood for a girl from Brooklyn. this same boy can potentially do this for a second or third date, and potentially with 10 girls (or more) in just one year! If this guy goes out just two dates with each girl AND has a really generous friend to lend him a car (which is usually not the case…) it can cost him easily $2,000! If a yeshiva bochur can find a job that pays him for all his expenses for a year plus an extra 2k then he’ll be able to afford it all. As we know this is absolutely not the case and if you can find me a summer job that pays that much, I may be interested.
I believe that this is a tremendous mitzvah to help out in building families in Klal Yisrael. In many cases, if not for the financial aid, boys will simply say no to a girl simply because she lives in Brooklyn, Passaic or Monsey. Or worse, they will spend money that they don’t have and start their marriage off with debt or put their parents in debt (further than what they are in already, sadly) just because they want to get married as we all do.
I hope you understand how important and beautiful this organization is now. It has and Im Yirtzeh Hashem continue to literally make shidduchim happen and build beautiful batai ne’eman beyisrael.
Dear Letter Writer,
((Approximately how many Bochurim who can’t afford their dates have you personally dealt with?))
It seems to me that you are out of touch with the reality that many Yeshiva guys from financially troubled homes are facing, and with what it means to be a full time Yeshiva Bochur.
If someone is asking for funds (for any cause), your job is to help them. Not to decide if they actually need it the way you understand the term need. Otherwise Ain Lidavar Soif. Do you only give your money to the guy who literally cannot afford clothes/food/shelter?
Where do you draw the line?
Ask your LOR and in the meantime give the guy 5$.
I guess u have a organization thatโs not collecting enough so your complaining about others
Donโt know why every one so negative but he has a point about men going to work if his parent canโt support him he should go out and make a little money
U are completely clueless lol. I want to tell u the story of my life!
I’m from a large family, both my parents worked. Unfortunately they always had (and still have) a hard time making ends meet. From age 13 when I went to out of town yeshiva, on a good month I got $50 allowance. Most months I got nothing. I became a hustler. A young entrepreneur. Everyone though I was ‘rich’, I wasn’t. Every dollar I made went towards my clothes, food, and an activity here or there with my friends just so I don’t look poor. Fast foward, time to get married. I’ve been hustling for 8 years while still holding out in full time yeshiva. I don’t have a dollar extra to also spend now on dates. I borrowed my grandmothers car and had to be extremely cheap on dates, it was embarrassing! but I had no choice. Now bh I’m married over 10 years and blessed with a great parnassah. But…. I WISH THIS ORGANIZATION EXISTED WHEN I WAS DATING! Thank you for understanding. I hope u apologize to all of us.
We would love your support! Our organization is called Dating resources network, if you want to help other boys!
They shouldnโt ask money from anyone except from their parents. Itโs a bad midah to start out adulthood schnurring . By handing them out money for everything (even for a mitzvah) your poisoning them ; and I noticed that whomever I had given or loaned money to they are never done with me, they will come back for more again and again. It will not hurt them to earn some money 5 or 6 hours a week as a result they will feel better, learn better and learn more.
Do you even know what your saying?
Yes! I know what Iโm saying. I guarantee no one will listen to me anyway; let them โDo Nothingโ and schnuhr all they want.
Mutty, these sentiment precede you by approx 3500 years.
Sedom !
By far this is the best organization for yeshiva boys. Let’s help them raise funds. FYI u are also helping the girls.
Huh?!?
Have you never supported the TAT in whichever yeshiva you were in?!
Or are you the โgo to college/work and donโt stay in Yeshivahโ guy?
Regardless, no.
If a bochur is learning and has no financial support system he needs to be supported through the process.
And even if you donโt want to support him through his learning, at least do it for the single girls!
I will say that you would be a little bit more justified fifty years ago when the other needs of the Klal were being underserved/underfunded and the cost and expectations of the dating process were much lower.
Well based on your logic, let the yeshivos start paying the post Isreal boys like Kollel Yungerleit. If thats the case than i would agree that they should psy for their own dates.
Maskim.
I hear your point, but please realize that dating related expenses will likely exceed any amount of money a bochur could have made by working for several years in the summer. Dating costs add up very quickly, especially if the boy is in shidduchim for some time. (Think of how much one flight could be.)
Not to mention that many boys use money they’ve earned for other necessary expenses (ex: while they are in EY) because they don’t want to burden their parents.
Because a summer job canโt fully cover a year of dating they should take the entire amount from an organization?
Also, why canโt they work a few hours per week during the rest of the year? There is no shortage of yeshiva boys between grades 6-12 Whose parents are looking for a tutor. Last I checked tutors are making at least $60 an hour. Let these bachurim have some skin in the game instead of just taking handouts.
I agree
Do u make your own boys pay for their own dates.
If boys are learning seriously the few hundred dollars they make being hazmanim goes towards daily expenses. Not enough for dates.
Maybe we should cut down on these ridiculous coats of dating.
That would make more sense.
Let the girl and boy meet somewhere and you don’t need to rent a car.
By this logic we should close down all Kollelim because the Yungerleit are ”young MEN” and ” are healthy and strong and perfectly capable of working a bit”.
Perhaps you should speak to your Rav, and have an discussion about Kollel in general, because it seems that you don’t quite understand the Hashkafa of the world of Yeshivos in general, and Lakewood in particular.
You make a good point at the start
Missed the point completely.
For a nice change, let’s turn this letter into a fundraiser for this organization. I have a daughter in shidduchim and would not want lack of funds to hold back a potential bachur from dating. Organizer, please add where we can send money.
pay.banquest.com/datingresourcesnetwork
Thank you so much!
Can you post an address to mail a check? Thank you
Sure! Thank you!
Dating Resources Network
28 Eagle Lane
Lakewood, NJ 08701
For those asking how to donate to this organization and help build the future of Klal Yisroel here is the link.
Everyone who uses the services are vetted by Rabanim.
https://pay.banquest.com/datingresourcesnetwork
or Zelle [email protected]
I sincerely hope you never had the experience of being in a situation that every dollar made a difference. I’ve personally seen some people that had to turn on the ‘avoid tolls’ setting on Waze just to be able make ends meet for their parents and in some cases I’d assume they are paying for it by themselves. For this reason I think this is one of the best forms of charity, it gives people peace of mind and helps them get out of the rough situation they find themselves in. It not only helps with dates, it brings peace to households that desperately need it. Lets all just take a step back and not judge other people even if you think you understand the situation perfectly. May we all be in Eretz Yisrael for Yom tov together.
amen!!
A very close friend of mine started this organization and it is ligit. It is important to note that dating in our community involves significant costs. The breakdown of a first date from Lakewood and the prospective girl lives in Brooklyn is approximately
$60 rental car
$30 tolls
$30 gas
$30 date (Parking, drinks ect.)
That’s around $150 for a FIRST DATE!!!!
Now add in when the dating gets more serious and you need to go out to eat or go do an activity together (which are crucial for building a real relationship) the costs are extravagant.
NOW IMAGINE DATING OUT OF TOWN you have to add in the costs of flights!!!
Working a job Bein Hazmanim doesn’t come close to covering that! (If I’m wrong please let me know where I should be working ;))
I also know people personally who have benefited from the organization. It saves these guys a tremendous amount of embarrassment, as well as giving them an equal playing field. There have been boys who would not have been able to give a yes to a girl knowing that if it goes anywhere they would have to fly to LA which they could simply not afford.
This organization is literally letting bochurim date in ways they would not be able to otherwise. It lets them be able to truly date respectably and properly, and the same time being able to sit in yeshiva and learn!
It is truly sad that there are still people who can’t understand this! I hope it’s because you were never in such a situation, but for those who have been or friends that have been understand.
I hope you to can come around and start supporting those out there who really need it, instead of trying to make them feel bad and guilty.
UNBELIEVABLE!! It’s a good thing you came out and asked because otherwise you would have been misunderstanding for the rest of your life what tzedaka is. the best tzedaka to possibly give is towards someone sitting and learning torah that cant make ends meet. tzedaka is giving someone money so he can afford to live up to his norm like if a rich guy loses money and cant continue paying rent for his fancy car it is a mitzvah to give him money to live up to his norm and what hes used to. also, its not the givers business to tell the guy how to spend or what to do to get him more money. Hashem gives us whether we deserve or not so we should give whether we think they deserve or are fit to get or not. if you cover the costs for the bochurim to date they will 100% learn better during the zman than if they had to make money during bein hazmanim and have to make cheshboinois and a whole budget plan. their minds will be at ease and their heads will be clear to learn. so, is supporting a stronger learning not a mitzvah?? i am a bochur who BH my parents have enough to pay for me (its not so easy for them even though they work) but i totally understand these bochurim who want to find the girl who actually believes in the torah, the power of the torah, and appreciates and understands that the people learning torah who are keeping the world going as it is one of the pillars of the world, are the ones keeping klal yisroel going, and in order to find such a girl they need the funds till they get married and from there the shver and the wife will support him to keep him being a true warrior in keeping us safe. they are the soldiers of hashem and the same way we pay taxes which goes to paying american soldiers to protect us, kal vachoimer to the true behind the scenes soldiers who actually are protecting us we give full support without any questions to whatever they need and especially towards hastening the building of a jewish family! to all people, please send this organization whatever you can and gain the eternal reward in the next world!!! and ladies please start listening to more hashkafah shiurim, you can find many on torah anytime or find a local rebitzen who gives speeches because it would answer so many of youre questions and make your purpose in this world a beneficial one. respect torah and you would notice that you will stop questioning these stuff in the first place. hatzlacha rabbah! look at hashems kids in a positive way and Hashem will do the same to you!
SHAME! – on this loser for sending in such a garbage letter!
How bored are you to send in such a disgraceful & evil letter?
Yeshiva bochurim need financial help especially with dating and wedding related expenses.
This fund should’ve been instituted years ago!
Everyone needs to help out the oilam Hatorah as much as possible. They keep the world going!
Apologize now! U make me nauseated how u complain about one of the most important causes in today’s economy!
Get a life!
As for the organization, keep up the amazing work and chessed. Don’t let these sick people get in your way.
Chazak V’emats
-A former Yeshiva Bochur
A- I’m 100% sure that these serial daters have met perfectly qualified girls without having to date 100’s of girls because they’re not good enough for these tzadikim gemurim, and hasn’t dated every last girl that doesn’t meet their outlandish criterea. Nothing is good enough, and everything is coming to them.
B- Working is not a laav and not a crime. You can be a Ben toirah and earn some money to support your lifestyle, your nightly restaurant and nightly fress gesheft hopping, your travellings and trips should be as valued as your dating life. Take some responsibility to contribute to society and not a freeloader. As it is, you’ll be mooching and bleeding your future in laws as much as you can, because you are holier than thou.
Enough of this non sense and entitlement.
I truly hope that you can overcome your overwhelming bitterness towards Kollel yungerleit one day.
The naysayers are the biggest haskama as qualified am haaratzim we have Daas bal habayis cneged daas torah clearly playing out live in front of us!
last time I checked, Chazal call someone who doesn’t give and doesnt want others to give is called a rasha.
Bottom line is, it seems like this wonderful organization doesnโt โspeakโ to the letter writer – which is fine!
There are plenty of other tzedakos that the letter writer can and Iโm sure does contribute to. ๐ค
If you keep voting Democrat you’ll get more of the same.The inflation since this faux administration usurped in 2020 is staggering. I & my wife both work and can’t help our grown children with their families as before.
Do not under any circumstances listen to self appointed askans who want us
To vote Democrat. The country is on the brink.
Just made a donation because of this letter!
Is anything really a tezdaka if they don’t have huge Chinese auctions, raffles or free gift with donation?
Your a regular sinas China person im sorry I bocher learning in yeshiva when hes 21 shouldn’t go work bein hazmanim to save up for 2 years later wen hes going to date, just because your well of doesn’t mean everyone is and no ones forcing u to give money so whats your problem bro! Its a huge chesed
Don’t use my name to post if you can barely write a sentence and can’t even spell! You’re an embarrassment to the Kush Bridge! Use a different name!
The boys can help out, unfortunately, as with many organizations they become overused and people donโt even bother trying to fend for themselves – they just run to the organization like free money. The letter writer has a point, but the organization still may be necessary. Maybe the organization should help the guys get bein haZemanim jobs And offer to fill in the rest. If there are Available work-study jobs, should we just let the guys sleep and run around Bein hasedorim and then get some free money to go on a date later that night?
A very close friend of mine started this organization and it is ligit. It is important to note that dating in our community involves significant costs. The breakdown of a first date from Lakewood and the prospective girl lives in Brooklyn is approximately
$60 rental car
$30 tolls
$30 gas
$30 date (Parking, drinks ect.)
That’s around $150 for a FIRST DATE!!!!
Now add in when the dating gets more serious and you need to go out to eat or go do an activity together (which are crucial for building a real relationship) the costs are extravagant.
NOW IMAGINE DATING OUT OF TOWN you have to add in the costs of flights!!!
Working a job Bein Hazmanim doesn’t come close to covering that! (If I’m wrong please let me know where I should be working ;))
I also know people personally who have benefited from the organization. It saves these guys a tremendous amount of embarrassment, as well as giving them an equal playing field. There have been boys who would not have been able to give a yes to a girl knowing that if it goes anywhere they would have to fly to LA which they could simply not afford.
This organization is literally letting bochurim date in ways they would not be able to otherwise. It lets them be able to truly date respectably and properly, and the same time being able to sit in yeshiva and learn!
It is truly sad that there are still people who can’t understand this! I hope it’s because you were never in such a situation, but for those who have been or friends that have been understand.
I hope you to can come around and start supporting those out there who really need it, instead of trying to make them feel bad and guilty.
The dating system is disastrous. It’s time to change to the Israeli/European system. It costs almost nothing. Why do we need to have such expensive dates? Are we trying to imitate the Goyim and their dating style?
Very simple. Both the letter writer and the organization are right. It depends for whom. The bachur that is truly areingetun in learning and has a real potential to grow into a talmid chochom he should definitely get the funds he needs to date. That is 20% of the bocherim in bmg. However for the remainder this is not the derech of chazal, we dont just take money from people, see gemara brachos and kedushin. If anything this can be doing a disservice. This is all part of our systematic yeshivos, which is a big challenge.
With “emes” like this, who needs shekker ?
Upon my initial reading of the letter I was in full agreement with the author. After reading some of the comments I did a 180 and made a contribution. When my boys went out it was definitely tough for us to cover those expenses. We turned down some suggestions because of the high costs of airfare. We struggled to pay for car rentals etc. I definitely empathize with the parents who are struggling to make ends meet with basic needs and cannot take on the new expenses of dating. The one thing I do agree with is that guys should also take on some of the responsibility of paying for at least some part of this, maybe tutoring younger kids in between sedarim? It doesn’t pay a fortune, but it instills some achrayis.
BH one of my boys ended up marrying someone local (after dating quite a few girls) and the other married the 1st girl he went out with! Hatzlacha to the founders of this tzedakah and to all those seeking their zivug!
I don’t think there’s a point in arguing if we should or shouldn’t give money. The top rabbanim say we should, and they’re word is final. Who are we to question them?
Mi kiamcha yisrael! We got to a point where organizations are fighting each other do outdo each other and we are complaining about too many organizations. Ad shyeyivlu sivsoseichem milomar dai iykyk
Thank you to the author of this letter – inspired me to make a donation to the organization
why the heck not? if you know that you have an upcoming expense then you save for it. Thats the basics of personal finance. Maybe if we taught basic financial literacy the frum world would be in a better state. Just imagine, for 2 years his bochur starts working just during the summers, and tutoring during the zman, EVEN IF HE CAN PAY FOR DATES FOR 1 YEAR isnt that better than needing to come onto the klal. Why is there no self worth to what to try and be self sufficent?
Most of these type of guys used the money from their last two years working summers to pay for their clothes or basic expenses. Their parents usually don’t help with anything.
Lol. You’re funny. Bachurim with such financial difficulties are working bein hazmanim but they are using the $ for living expenses.
My son is in eretz yisroel and is using his own $ for his spending expenses. Money that he earned.
Whoever wrote this letter is getting alot of mitzvos,
i also just gave bec of it
There is no question that some bochurim can use the help. That goes with being a baal achries of making a genuine effort of trying to carry some responsibility, maybe cut back on eating out every night. Perhaps give a bocher an incentive to settle down and not date endlessly. It certainly adds up.
Life is expensive. People need to put food on the table, that is priority. Dating should be taken seriously , it’s not Catalog shopping for arm candy.
The guys they are helping are not eating out every night.
Why does the shidduch system treat working bochurim as if they are apikorsim?
I think a big disservice is done by not teaching boys in high school and sometimes earlier than that that English subjects are not important. By doing so limits their options and possibilities of what else is out there that can give them a possible higher income. If you want to learn full time make sure you or your family can support you. Otherwise you may be struggling to learn properly because you don’t know how to afford basic necessities.
In response to the breakdown of funds needed per date. Maybe let the shadchan know you can’t afford to travel far. (There’s also fave time, zoom etc.) Going to Brooklyn by bus will save you on gas and tolls. Walk to a park or local library. Drinks don’t have to be expensive. If both of you live far maybe meet in the middle. If you want a girl with money then she can afford to travel. Plenty of guys use Uber. Borrow a suit and hat if you feel like that’s what’s needed. I’m sure there are gemachs that have clothes in good condition. Trying to pass off the rich vibe is just as untrue as makeup is.
I think it would be best to cut out the car rental for dating purposes & arrange to meet some other way. The costs can be staggering.
Other travel arrangements should be made for dates to meet up. Renting a car can be very cost prohibitive.
I just donated $50 to
http://pay.banquest.com/datingresourcesnetwork
Or, as per prior post can also ZELLE to
[email protected]
If dating is so expensive (which it is), it might be time for an alternative than what has been thoughtlessly done for years. Renting a car, going to some inappropriate bar is off for other reasons. I think our lifestyles in general is imploding. ืืื ืื ื ืขื ืื ืืืฉืขื ืืื ืืืื ื ืฉืืฉืืื
Why do you think today’s bochurim are going to bars? BMG guys certainly are not
Simple idea which may help, is to have a legal car gemach. Insurance will be high, yes, still alot less expensive than renting cars. For those driving from lakewood. Some boys shy away from taking money, this will help. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
Absolutely!!
Ice actually tried working on this idea already. It will enable us to help what I call the second tier. Meaning the guys who are not necessarily poor enough to receive aid from us, but still are being crushed by the high costs.
If anyone wants to help me start this, let me know!!
I like the idea of a car gemach for dates. Appropriate dating clothing should also be added to the roster.
R’ Elimelech and his Rebbetzin take zero for themselves from their organization, but yet give every moment they have available. The financial assistance they are able to provide is actually ancillary to a robust chesed machine, run out of their apartment, and which consumes hours and hours, each and every day, of their time. The financial assistance program only started as a by-product R’ Eliemech’s heavy involvement in shidduch related chesed for many years. R’ Elimelech runs a tight ship on the accounting and finance side of the organization.
For as long as the current yeshiva system has been in place, going to back to Europe, mashgichim and Roshie Yeshivos quietly distributed funds to help buchrim buy new clothing in preparation for shidduchim. The concept is not new. The percentage of buchrim needing this type of help probably has not increased much, but because of the explosion of the yeshiva population many more buchrim need the help.