Dear Community Leaders and Fundraisers,
First and foremost, I want to express how fortunate we are to live in a time where there are so many wonderful organizations tirelessly working to support and uplift our community. It truly makes me think, “Mi K’amcha Yisroel”! The dedication and passion shown by these organizations are nothing short of inspiring, and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to contribute in the past.
That said, I’d like to share some thoughts and concerns about fundraising approaches, hoping it will lead to greater understanding and sensitivity.
For many years, I was blessed with stable finances, allowing me to contribute generously to various causes. However, like many others, I’ve faced some financial challenges in recent years. While I wish I could continue giving at the same level, my current situation simply doesn’t allow for it. Unfortunately, I’ve found some fundraising interactions to be quite difficult and, at times, disheartening.
For example, when I explain that I’m unable to contribute at this time, I’m often met with persistent requests such as, “But you gave this amount in the past—can we set up a smaller recurring donation?” or, “If you can’t give the full amount, what can you give?” While I understand the need to raise funds, these conversations can feel overwhelming and, frankly, stressful.
I’d like to share one specific experience to provide context. A Shul I’ve attended for many years approached me about an unpaid pledge for an aliyah I had previously committed to before my financial struggles began. I explained my situation and assured them that I would fulfill the commitment as soon as I was able. Despite this, I received repeated reminders and even a letter expressing disappointment that I had caused the Shul financial loss. While I completely understand their perspective, I couldn’t help but feel that my years of timely contributions were forgotten in that moment.
I know fundraisers have a challenging job, and I deeply respect the work you do. At the same time, I humbly ask for a bit more sensitivity in these situations. Financial struggles can be deeply personal and stressful, and being met with repeated pressure to give—even when it’s clear I’m unable—can make a difficult situation even harder.
I also want to suggest a more streamlined approach to fundraising communications. Receiving multiple messages throughout the day, each with increasing urgency, can feel overwhelming. A thoughtful, well-timed follow-up or two is much more effective than excessive reminders.
Thank you again for all that you do on behalf of our community. Your dedication is truly appreciated, and I hope these suggestions can help create a more positive and supportive experience for everyone involved.
With gratitude,
Y.G.
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to letters@thelakewoodscoop.com
Can I just add that some meshulachim get so aggressive and are never happy with what they are given. These people cause me to avoid all meshulachim, even the decent ones, out of fear of a whole pushy and demanding interaction.
i dont want to minimize any pain they have.I do feel i have masser to give and you can accept my donation or leave it. as a side note there are real causes and fraud ones. I wish we had a system to properly vent the real ones as they are in tons of pain and really need help.
Dear Seriously:
You have my sincere sympathy. Although presented with multiple opportunities to give Tzedaka, a mitzva that can cost no more than a single dollar, you turn away “out of FEAR OF A WHOLE PUSHY AND DEMANDING INTERACTION (my stress)”.
Dear letter writer,
Another way to look at it is that fundraisers generally take a cut from every donation they bring in. This is their parnassah! Instead of selling you a product, they sell a noble cause. Their main priority isn’t the organization, it’s the parnasah they bring home to their families. So don’t take it personal, their also struggling & everytime they send out a notice, they bring in a few more dollars to share with the Mosad. This keeps our Mosdos humming along & the fundraisers motivated to do their job well.
Chaim:
I would not say that the fundraisersare not intending to help the organization or whatever their fundraising for. because it takes a lot of effort more than money can satisfy them if the cause is not a cause that they believe in. Agreed that they take a big cut a lot of times.
I didn’t say they don’t believe in a good cause, I said their primary goal is their own parnassah. Many of them move up to more lucrative fundraising jobs as they build a clientele.
There’s no need to take these things personal, this is a financially motivated request, in most instances. It’s a big mitzva to motivate other’s to give tzedakah & a good fundraiser will be amply rewarded in this world & the next. Just don’t feel insulted when he keeps on bothering you for a donation, he has bills to pay just like you.
And please, if you are a class mother and a family constantly “forgets” to send in Chanuka money, please don’t repeatedly “remind” them
Why can’t you just say I’m not joining instead of making the “class mother send you multiple reminders till they get the hint. Kind of wasting their time.
hmmm if i had to guess id say that perhaps theyre slightly embarrassed… no? what do you suggest mr. askan4trouble? is that a possibility?
I couldnt agree more. I love giving tzedaka but hate manipulation and entitlement used by some fundraisers. Some use friendly manipulation to start I know you are a tzadik I’m sure you will give me at least 1000 u mean u cant oh so everyone in your neighborhood will know that u gave 18dollars.Good luck getting your kids married.Dont ask hashem for money.You have it and refuse to give. or I was by a guy who makes way less than you do and he gave me more. Or calling twenty times in a row after you gave so you should give more. another trend is org looking at what you publicly gave to orgs and denading the same. I saw you gave 10000 to bonei olam or rccs. How can you give me less. i generally prefer to use pen names when I do give. tzedaka is a mitzva and requirement. I don’t want to minimize any pain people have when they need money. I do feel when people are disgusting I have a hard time giving. lets restore restore respect to the process.
The fundraising situation has become so incredibly distasteful of late. We just had one for our child’s school. the bombardment of text messages, increasing in frequency and use of cap locks and siren emojis were jarring. They came early in the morning and late at night. Upon speaking with friends, it appears that this occurred with their children’s schools fundraisers as well. There is a way to motivate people to participate. I don’t believe this was the way. It’s ok to reach out periodically over the course of 5 days to remind people about the event and motivate them to participate. It is not ok to receive 40-50 texts in a 24 hour period. ALL IN CAP LOCKS!!!! I am perfectly capable of recognizing the need to raise the funds without being yelled at.
Never be embarrassed to say I can’t. We all find ourselves in different situations in life.
saying “i cant” usually doesnt get them to stop, they wont stop till you give them what they think you should.
I was a fundraiser for over a half a century i always told the donor that i can not tell him how much to give this year because i don’t know his situation and i wou8ld say if you are making less money this year then give me less or vis versa. But i would never pressure to give what he can not give. this mehalech always worked because i saw afterwards that Hashem came through
very smart! also people feel like giving more when you put the ball in their court! halevay everyone used your mehalech!
To the letter writer.
May Hashem bench you and your family, that your PARNOSAH should come back 10 fold and to be able to give more than you have done in the past!!!
I feel terrible for you and your family.
A pledge for an aliya is not the same as general fundraising. You purchased something and they’re asking you to pay up. I agree they should be sensitive to your situation but it is not the same as general fundraising.
I gave a donation to an organization every year during their regular fundraiser, and one year I was really struggling financially. I didn’t have any income, let alone maaser to give. After hanging up the phone from my electric company begging them to keep my power on even though I was 5 months behind, I got a call from this organization. It was very embarrassing for me to be honest and tell them unfortunately I just couldn’t afford it and did not have even one penny to give to tzedaka this year, but I hoped next year would be different. The response was “we could put it on a credit card” and then “We also offer payment plans”. Really? You want me to go into further debt? I was so hurt by the interaction, I told her my credit cards had been canceled due to nonpayment, and that I hope she never is in the predicament I’m in
I understand fundraising, I understand it’s a good cause, but it was a really shameful thing to do to me after I was so upfront about my position
A few weeks later I got a similar call from a different organization, and all I said was I wasn’t in a position to give this year. She was so nice, gave me a bracha for lots of parnassah and wealth and that IYH when she calls next year I can give. That should be the ONLY response someone gives!
well said
In general not the best idea to say u can’t give. U don’t want to cement that reality in for long term. Better just say something positive like imy”h when the time is right we can talk at that time. Also no need to embarrass yourself with excuses. To the fundraiser that are pushy just ignore them. No need to interact with them, telling them your situation. I hope this helps. The almighty should bless u with big buck, health, nachas everything good. Hold on good days are comming.
Here is another problem to deal with:
1. Shimon is a member of Shul “A”.
2. Finding itself desperately short of funds, Shul “A” launches an on-line fund-raising campaign.
3. Shul “A” asks Shimon to be an “ambassador” or “team leader” for the campaign. Shimon agrees and is asked to send requests for contributions to his e-mail contacts; WhatsAp contacts, etc. Many make contributions to Shul “A”.
4. Within the next few weeks and months, Shimon receives requests for contributions generated by his e-mail and WhatsAp contacts who donated to Shul “A”.
5. Shimon is now faced with the necessity to donate to organizations which he is uncomfortable with doing.
I think it’s best not to donate to pushy fundraisers. I believe they come across exceedingly aggressive & possibly disrespectful. If the fundraiser wants more than you’re able to afford, they’re being downright rapacious and don’t deserve one red cent!
Ask daas Torah what to do