Dear TLS,
I’m not sure if you will be willing to post this, but I’m sure many of your readers can relate.
I am so done with the explosive marketing noise around me every minute of the day, in every aspect of my life.
I say this even as someone who has marketing as part of my portfolio…
Because everywhere I turn, someone else is trying to vie for my wallet—regardless of whether it’s full or empty. And someone is always there to remind me that I don’t have enough, that I am not satisfied with the status quo, that I am missing out on what I really need.
Yes, this is how business works, I know. But it’s getting to be too much for me.
Needs I never knew I had are suddenly blaring in my face with utmost urgency.
The second that one season or chapter of “need” is over, the next one is already blaring its horn before I can sit and drink my coffee.
I open my emails, surprisingly see content of interest—only to be followed a few lines down by “Sign up,” “Join now,” “Only $99+ for the next 8 hours,” etc.—and suddenly I realize all the courses I should be taking and places I must be going.
WhatsApp Status doesn’t fail to remind me constantly of all the vacations, hotels, and other luxuries that I’m missing out on if I don’t join now while there’s space.
Text messages somehow find their way into my personal messaging to let me know about the greatest sales for things I never knew I needed.
The circulars are packed cover to cover with every possible piece of gashmiyus that Lakewood once upon a time lived without, reminding us that we want in on it too.
Pop-up ads do their part as well, as we scroll through what we thought was relaxing reading time—only to quickly remember that there’s more stuff we “need,” and how could we miss this sale that’s just too good to be true?
(And I add in the most sensitive and understanding—but frustrated—way, that even the tzedaka marketing has become non-stop and invasive. From Rayze-its to kids door-knocking for prizes they can win, my home phone has been ringing during supper and bedtime constantly with campaigns asking for money. Texts, calls, WhatsApps at all hours asking for tzedaka—which is a chesed and beautiful—but being done invasively at times.)
I write this because I am simply overwhelmed from all the noise and soliciting for business, and the creation of so much desire.
I rarely open my emails anymore.
My WhatsApps mostly get scrolled past—except for people that I know I need to open.
In fact, I’ve even stopped scrolling through Statuses from the constant overload of gashmiyus noise.
I’ve started to ignore phone calls from numbers I don’t (or specifically do!) recognize.
Circulars I generally don’t open anymore either, even though they have some really great content.
And websites that I used to frequent have also lost my interest for the same reason.
It just became too much of a marketing whirlpool!
I get it—people need to earn parnassah, and they’re doing what they need to in order to make a dollar. They don’t owe me or anyone anything. (Well, mostly—except those of you that know who you are 😏).
I want all our local businesses and tzedakos to have hatzlacha. I really do.
But the chaotic, non-stop marketing from every corner is creating a society of need, need, need, and I am wondering if there is a way to put a slowdown on the constant pocket-digging to make a buck or two—and the desire-creating noise that is all around us.
I’d like to be able to sip my coffee, read the news, and thank Hashem for all I have.
For just a few minutes.
Without needing anything!
Thanks for listening. I know I can’t stop or change the way society has become, but I figured I’d share the frustration and get some emotional support from those that are on my wagon.
Thanks for giving us a space to share our thoughts and opinions!
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected]
Don’t look at WhatsApp Status, you’ll get your life back.
Just saying this has always been the way of the world! advertisement has always existed! I remember in the early 1800’s trying to read my newspaper and getting really frustrated at the ads on the side telling me what im lacking and which vacations to go on…
so ive locked myself up in my basement and learnt gemara all day as my wife worked part time and did chessed the rest of the time without reading any newspapers….
i try to avoid TLS as well because im always tempted to pay for their billboard advertisements which they advertise for…
What about the advertisements ahnging on every bulletin board? Including every shul and bais Medrash? I don’t have whatsapp.
Couldn’t agree more! But it IS a hard balance to strike. I try to remind myself that it’s ALL – ALL – just yidden trying to make a parnasa. That’s all! As much as I struggle, others do as well, and this is them working on their parnasa. As for it’s intensity- with so many yidden and therefore such high financial needs- and the average from Lakewood family has to be in the top few % of earners in the country just to survive- it’s going to be intense. So just see parnasa, Parnasa, PARNASSA!
its important to remember that yiddishe parnasa is NOT gashmius. Standards were lower when they could be. And pure gashmius chasing is obviously wrong. But ruba d’ruba of yiddishe parnasa is tuition, and kashrus, and shabbos, tznius, chessed, and all other mitzvis k’rimon. Soi try to see it, dismiss the need it creates, and revel in the beauty of a velt of yiddishe parnasa. Not saying it’s easy, just giving an eitza I’ve found useful.
By writing or complaining about it will not change anything.
If it’s too hard, mute all your statuses and unsubscribe to all the marketing email.
Deal with it and move on.
But it does feel good to know there are others out there who agree….
Nothing is gonna change so you ought to get used to it.
If that is your biggest problem in life consider yourself very lucky and thats what the delete key is for !
A person can’t complain about something without getting dumb comments like this?
Nothing dumb about it , just an observation of what people get upset about ,I try to stay positive about all the good things life provides and let the minor annoyances go in one ear and out the other
great take but really no solution at this point. the tzidakah originations/shuls/schools will keep doing the raise campaigns as long as they still work (which they do). circulars will keep putting out adds to make money (which they do). statuses will keep being updated becouse people are so sucked into their phones and social media (which they are) sorry
So beautifully written! Kol Hakavod!
Haters will lambast this and laugh it off by making cynical comments, but just know, it takes a lot more to stand up for what’s right than to just be a lazy salmon going down the river stream and never fighting back.
Unfortunately, we’ve seen it time and time again. People bring up legitimate points and are met with people commenting “What’s wrong with that?” or “This isn’t lakewood of 20 years ago, it’s 2025” or “There’s no aveirah, show me where it says it’s not allowed.”
Enough is enough. Why do we all have to be the ones to give in to the craziness and be told to accept it? No! It’s time more people say no!
Many highly successful people don’t read the news or watch TV as it hampers their creativity. A quick search of “successful people that don’t watch the news” will result in some interesting articles.
Hatzlacha
Ah! Beautiful.
maybe it’s time to once and for all rid yourself of technology, as you mention in your post.
I don’t get the weekly papers from around town as it overwhelms me.
same idea.
try to find your own comfort and happy zone. If you can avoid driving into the boutique shops area, and all that jazz and eye candy, by all means.
This is also, no doubt, a big cheilik in Shmiras Einayim.
Aizehu Ashir, HaSomeach BChelko.
Kol Hakavod to you for being self aware. I challenge you to make a plan and get it done
Unfortunately, it’s not only via technology. It’s dozens of phone calls and emails and mail multiple times from the same organization multiplied by the amount of organizations. I’m so frustrated by it all as well and I feel myself getting turned off.
For those that are getting whatsapp statuses, if you hold down a specific status before you open it, you’ll have an option to mute it without removing them. If you want to access it, it’ll still be available to see what they posted.
Back to the original poster, I understand your frustration 100%. There is just too much noise!
Intersting what line of business are you in that doesnt use marketing?
Install an adblocker (such as uBlock Origin)
Also I challenge you to go 48 hours without your phone. That’s right, Shabbos and Sunday. Maybe the extra day of not using your phone will give you more peace of mind from the whole Internet, and it’s good to detox. Start small, just do 1 day a week. Shabbos doesn’t count. See how you feel afterwards. And be consistent.
You will discover so much extra valuable time that’s usually eaten up by phones. I challenge you to go to the supermarket without the phone. Try to do some errands. At first you will feel lost without your phone. But after doing it a little bit, you actually feel free from the leash. It’s exhilarating!
Hatzlacha!!! 🙏🏻
I totally understand what you’re saying, I feel the same way. It’s very frustrating when you feel like you’re being pulled in 10 different directions and there’s nothing you can do to stop it for the most part.
it sounds like you’re on the right track with limiting it as much as you could, even though it’s not possible to completely eliminate it as of now.
one of the things that help me with stopping to “need” what everyone seems to be telling me I need, aside from avoiding hearing it as much as possible, is realizing that they’re trying to sell me something and that it’s a marketing tactic, as you are very well aware of. So I know that it’s a psychological trick to try and get me to buy their product, so I’m not going to fall for it.
another thing that helps me is when I start feeling like I “need” what the ad is advertising, I tell myself that I don’t really need this thing and I think about how much I have and how much I’m really not interested in buying or spending money on other things. That helps a lot of the time also.
and besides for all that is something that I’ve heard on A Life With Bitachon hotline which is realizing that if there’s something that I want, like a vacation or whatever, that I can’t afford or would put me into debt for, and it’s really not something that I “need” but something that I want, or feel like I should be doing, is to realize that Hashem can give me that same pleasure in another way than what I would have thought I would have gotten from that vacation or whatever it is.
that helps me also with resisting all the temptations and everything else from all the marketing.
and of course the most important of all is recognizing the difference between “needing” and “wanting”. Many times the “need” is really a want disguised as a need. When you recognize that, it makes it much easier to simply walk away from the temptation because you realize that it’s a desire, but it’s not something you can’t live without and you can focus on how amazing and perfect your life is just the way it is without that thing in it, and how it will not enhance it or make it better than what it is right now.
oh, and regarding the Tzedaka campaigns, I think you should ask a Rav, if it’s really stressing you out than I don’t think you have a chiyuv to give to every single one, but you should definitely ask a Rav for the right guidelines on how to give and to who and when.
Hatzlacha Rabbanim to you : )
I want to know where they’re getting my phone number and email addresses. That’s a crime.
Generally speaking from your childrens schools.
Don’t live in town then complain
All these methods reach any town you live in. You cannot escape. I get calls and various messages from Israel and I live in the USA.
Does anyone else automatically just throw away the weekly papers that get thrown on our doorsteps on Thursday and Friday? Is there any way to get those to stop?
It may help to have a flip phone, and only use email and be ‘connected’ while at work….as a proud business owner…this lifestyle keeps my life/work balance in check and I have B’H a very a calm and relaxing life without the non-stop noise….just a thought.