Dear Fundraiser,
We understand the pressure you are under and the importance of the work you do. Tzedakah is a cornerstone of our community, and many of us have given generously with gratitude to Hashem for the ability to do so.
At the same time, there are periods when a person’s circumstances do not allow for giving. If a call goes unanswered, followed by another call and then a text with no reply, perhaps that silence is itself a respectful answer. Repeated outreach can create unnecessary pressure and place the giver in an uncomfortable position of having to say “no” directly, something many would prefer to avoid.
Our kehilla is built on generosity and chessed, but real chessed also means respecting boundaries and the dignity of each individual. With a little extra sensitivity, fundraising can continue with the same strength while also preserving kavod habriyos.
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Silence will never be considered a respectful answer
Dear Baal Tzeddaka,
We the fundraisers deeply appreciate your kindness! And we especially appreciate how when you ARE able to give, you always respond to messages and calls! Ashrechah!
Unfortunately, that’s not the typical reality we deal with. Typically, donors who ARE in a position to give – for very excusable reasons – don’t take our calls and messages, leaving us with no choice but to “chase” them and “nudge” till we get through. In fact, many donors have told me directly that the only way to reach them is to keep trying.
So while none of us want to bother someone who isn’t in a giving position, we’re really left with no other option. If we stopped trying every person who didn’t take our calls, our mossdos could all close up shop.
Tizku Lmitzvos to you, and to all of Lakewoods Baalei Tzeddaka! May we all be zocheh to be successful, and may it be easy for all!
Maybe sepaprate those that can give from those who can only give $10 every 2 years.
people have such a hard time ignoring their phones. yes its annoying but just ignore the link, call, text a third time. just like you flip that envelope in the garbage do the same with your phone request. people are so attached to their phones they feel that its personal, its not. the guy on the other end is working non stop and he is in a mind set of “don’t give up try to get any donation you can”. just ignore it, the campaign will only last a few weeks anyway
I always wonder where they get my phone, address and email from. Oftentimes I will get letters from different organizations with my name misspelled.
On the phone, I feel pressured to make a vow to send a check later, which is a real problem.
Totally agree. I come from an affluent family but am personally unable to give much…..I’m forever being asked and pressured. At some point, and especially to people I know personally, I’m just honest. Yes, there is money in the family, but, I’m personally unable to give….our “system” is on the verge of collapse…..
Dear letter writer,
please take all of five minutes to understand how a fundraising operation works so that you no longer feel as though tomchei shabbos is harassing you for five bucks.
The standard procedure is to have lists tackled by groups of either volunteers or paid employees. As names are crossed off the list for the campaign (whether they have or not), they move on to other lists. Often a list will be used by different groups at different times of day (you might not be available to pick up your phone in the early afternoon, but might be available after 5)
Text messages are sent out by blast to everyone who is on a list. Even though the message seems personalized, it’s just a robo message.
That’s an excuse. Leave a message and move on. You don’t have to call the same person 6 times a week. The fact that the lists are shared is a problem of it’s own. I might give an organization out of Hakaras Hatov, even though I’m struggling to make the small donation. Now you pass on my nuber to 25 other organizations, who then harrass me for a committment. It’s all completely dishonest and disrespectful.
I hung up. The tzadekes was heartbroken. I don’t regret it because I can’t afford it. Unfortunately, this is what happens, unfortunately.
It is a very serious Avaira and actually frightening to pressure those unable to give. See Rambam Matnas Eniyim Perek 7 Halacha 11.
The most difficult thing is when the fundraiser shows a copy of a check from last year or even worse the year before I feel pressured to at least give the same(which I can’t) and when I give less, even if it is a nice donation given my circumstances I am met with a disappointing face. It makes me feel awful even when I am stretching to give that amount. Just saying….
it’s difficult, yes. But here’s a related and very big problem in the system: I know that my husband, and I’m sure most wise baalei tzedaka as well, simply gives LESS than he might want to because he KNOWS whatever he givesbecomes the baseline, and they will be coming next year hoping for MORE and “settling “ for the same, being disappointed with a bit less. What’s the remedy?
Thank you very much for all the Tzadaka that you give.
Dear donor,
As a fundraiser we appreciate everyone who donates to our organization but we would rather get a “not now” then being ignored! Also if everyone who pledged or said that I should send a link and they will donate, will give right away organizations will be in a better financial situation.
I understand your sentiment. However, we can’t spend hours a week telling people not now. Especially when very often I’m giving that response more then once to the same organization.
If you can’t contribute financially right now, it’s okay to be honest about it. And if you are already supporting others, then there’s nothing wrong with being open about that as well.
I don’t know how you consider ignoring the requests a respectful way of saying no. Just respond “now’s not a good time”.
they’ll likely respond something like “do u want me to reach out in a few months” to which u can respond “I’ll be in touch if I want to give. Thanks”
that’s respectful.
im a former fundraiser
this is not true when you say I can’t give now they say can we get a smaller amount or just drive you crazy. FYI I never gave anyone permission to pass my phone number on and the person that does share that personal info is a ganiv
I give a few 100k to tzedakah a year. I will not make a neder on the phone. When they pressure me I hang up in there face.
First of all thank you so much for all that
צדקה
‐——
Food for thought: There is a possibility that this might be a special
ניסיון
And maybe to pass the test with flying colors maybe you need to hang up gently the phone and offer a quick prayer to Hashem that Hashem should give
שכל
To the caller.
Just maybe
Agree with those saying that ignoring does not mean you cannot give. Most of society today will ignore calls and texts from those who they don’t know. A respectful response to the fundraiser is a much wiser way to go about it.
The whole מעלה of a phone, is that you dont have to answer it. If someone is standing in front of yo, you can’t ignore him. But a phone? Just ignore it.
When a fundraiser is on the phone more often than not, they don’t let you get a word in. I reciprocate by ending the one sided conversation
What word are you trying to get in? Just wondering
NO
Just say no – why should they have to waste their time and contact you 5 times to get the hint?
Way too many letters about people being not sensitive enough.
It’s ok to get offended every now and then.
Everybody at times struggles with something. It could be parnassa, fertility, children not visiting for yom tov, an older single, family member at risk etc.
We need to be honest with ourselves, and realize that what we have is from Hashem, and what we don’t have is also. This doesn’t mean that we are worth less or that our struggles are a punishment for a specific aveira or lack of mitzvos.
We are not allowed to say hurtful things, and we should be aware of what not to say.
However we also need to stop being oversensitive.
(I’ve struggled with some of the above including pushy fundraisers when i couldn’t beat last years pledge.)
It has come to a point where fundraisers yes are actually destroying people’s lives in more ways than one. We don’t need to list all of them. This is the reality. Speak to any current giver or previous giver. While the fundraisers may say they have no choice for their methods something isn’t right over here. Speak to those in the trenches. There are serious boundaries being crosses and it’s not ok. While yes that are giving out tzedaka and doing good it just makes some of us wonder if we’re doing lore harm than good? It definite needs evaluating. Something isn’t adding up.
Why can’t you just respond I’m sorry I’m unable to help at this time?
tons of sympathy for the writer!! that being said… grow up and just tell them ye ye and never send the money. or actually man up and say im sorry i dont have money this year!! try it! swallow your pride for a minute and youll see its not that hard! theres nothing to be embarrassed about! we werent put into this world to have a lot of money! when i was growing up we were embarrassed if we couldnt know a blatt gemara by heart!! welcome to 2025 the generation thats only embarrassed about money! nebach! but again lots of sympathy!
i agree with almost all your points.
except the first 2 lines, which may not be mutar, ask your LOR.