I was recently at a chasuna. At the chuppah, the chosson broke the glass, but the usual music did not begin.
People starting getting up from their chairs and talking. Then a singer started singing, “Im Eshkachaich Yerushalayim.” I was quite shocked to see that the people who had stood up did not sit down, and the people who were talking did not stop talking. And it could be, although I am not sure, that even more people starting standing and talking.
Even if it is not your minhag to sing this song at the chuppah, out of respect for the baalei simcha who did want this song sung, everyone should have sat back down and stopped talking. And even more importantly, out of respect to Hashem, Who does not have a Home (the same way that we are in galus), this behavior was very disturbing. Have we forgotten to mourn for Yerushalayim, for the Bais Hamikdash that has not yet been rebuilt? Are we so distracted by this world with all its gashmius that our ruchniyus is below the radar?
If you are reading this, please consider the proper thing to do should this occasion every arise again. (And by the way, silence during the entire chuppah is “golden.”) And may we very soon be zocheh to “Od yishama b’arei Yehuda uv’chutzos Yerushalayim, kol sasson v’kol simcha, kol chassan, v’kol kallah”!
Signed, “Waiting anxiously for the geulah”
(TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected])
Something seems strange. Usually im eshkacheich is sung before the glass is broken, not after. Generally ppl consider the chuppah to be ongoing until the glass is broken. Maybe the chuppah you were at did it the other way around and that confused ppl. You make a good point about the proper thing being to
sit back down after realizing what was going on…but this may have been the cause for what you saw.
You should break the glass after they sing. The breaking of the glass means it’s over.
Common sense is not so common after all!!!
great point ty
baalay simcha should also be considerate of the extra long chuppa songs & choirs
ppl have several simchas per night blee ayin hora & try to go wish mazel tov & participate is becoming ever more challenging…
mazel tov to all
Does anyone have a m’kor for singing Im Eshkochech at a chupah? There are actually 5 reasons why we break a glass under the chuppah, we don’t sing the other 4 reasons…..
You can’t have the events backwards and unusual and expect everyone to follow suit
Sing before – then break.
There is no m’kor. It’s a new meshugas that people decided they want to do. Our fathers grandfathers and gedolim didn’t do this and neither should we.
It was probably a compromise as one side didn’t want to sing and one did, so they broke the glass first and then sang. This is how marriages should start off, with compromise and validity to the other sides feelings. And yes, the guests should have sat back down as this is the night of the Baalei Simcha and all their decisions should be respected. If you had to leave for another simcha then you could quietly walk out.
Chupa protocal – You want to discuss Chupa protocal? How about these common sense suggestions – or the 10 commandments of a Chupa – and maybe we can see a quiet real Chupa the way it should be (SIC)
1 – How about Baalei Simcha not keep their guests hostage to sit through a concert and a parade and rather just have the traditional Choson and Kallah walking down with just the songs to walking and then Me Adir and me Bon Siach (it’s a 2 way street – you want quiet then make it short and sweet)
2 – Choson Domeh L’melech may be enough of a reason to stand when the Choson walks in but nowhere does it say Kallah domeh Lmalka so no reason to stand when the Kalla walks in
3 – keep in mind the mitzva of respecting your elders and stand when someone older then you walks in
4 – keep quiet
5 – no, contrary to what todays chuppos suggest, Im eshkochayach has no Mekor to be sung at a Chupa and talking when it is singing is not disrespectful to Hashem. It is a good thing to always think about Moshiach and the Churban but it has no connection to this song being sung at a Chupa
6 – turn your cellphones off
7 – stop nodding and smiling and hand shaking the parents who are walking their children down the aisle. Allow them to live that serious awe inspiring Zchus of a moment without your need to make sure you are on the video, in the picture or that they see you there
8 – Mechutonim – make sure you work out your Kibbudim BEFORE the Chuppa begins and then confirm that those who will get a Kibbud are actually there. No reason not to tell them before the Chupa that they will be getting a Kibbud to be sure they are in the room
9 – Chosson and Kallahs we know you are engaged and are so so so so happy to be together at someone elses chuppa but it is not necessary to stand together in the back assuring everyone sees how happy you are. Go to another room and talk if you want but let the Chupa we are at be only about the Choson and Kallah getting married now.
10 – shut your cell phones
I will leave the name calling to someone else but allow me to give you a little bit of advise if I could; ‘Get A Life!!!’
Letter writer makes a good point!
I was at a wedding where ladies behind me were discussing what they fed their kids for supper in the middle of the chuppa!
To the person who said that chuppas are too long,dont attend if you don’t have time! Ppl get married only once in their lives,they will not change the way they want to do it to fit your schedule!
Actually, it is more correct to STAND at the chuppah, not sit. See nitai Gavriel.
lol that is only during the brachos not the ceremonial singing
Good points – I am always confused when there are tefilah booklets on women’s chairs only – don’t men daven? Perhaps it would keep them quiet.
It is a Sefardi minhag to say the pasuk “Im Eshkachech” before breaking the glass. Some sing the pasuk.
Obviously a lot of Ashkenazim like the custom and have adopted it.
This is what happens when u have too much time off
Thanks, everyone, for responding to my letter. A few comments:
Some people do not like to break the glass and then immediately every one shouts mazel tov and the music begins, bec it appears that the mazel tov and celebration are in response to the broken glass, which of course symbolizes the opposite of mazel tov and celebration.
Yes, people were definitely confused, but after that momentary confusion they could have realized it was appropriate to sit down and stop talking.
Someone commented that guests can rise for the chosson and for older people, but not necessarily for the kallah. Don’t you think it would be strange that the kallah (and her parents) do not have the same respect shown them as they walk down the aisle as does the chosson and his parents, and perhaps grandparents if they are zocheh to walk down too?
Again, thanks for all the comments said respectfully. I especially liked the one that talked about the idea that maybe this was a compromise – which yes, is a great lesson for marriage!
PS. It was not a long chuppah at all.
Very funny. You think H-shem was “sad” because ppl were talking during a song ??!!
Ha Ha. Cute.
While it’s not my minhag to sing this song, I agree with the letter writer that this was disrespectful. I know a kallah in EY who asked that the music not start right away so that when her chosson breaks on the glass people don’t lose sight of why were break it. They also sang im eshkachech. And it was beautiful. At least in eretz yisrael where people feel more connected to the kedusha do they show sonme respect. To be fair though, there was a little “speech” right before saying the kallah has requested not to start the music etc. You can’t blame people in lakewood for having no clue whats going on but yes they should have realized and sat back down.
Profound, I am not sure if you realize what this song is about..it is that we should not forget that that we are in galus…and that we should daven for the geulah, when the Bais Hamikdash will be rebuilt. This should always be on our minds.
It’s brought down in seforim that before the chassan breaks the glass he should say the pasuk ” Im eshkochech”,. That is probably how the custom started to have someone sing these very moving words. Why is it different than singing Kedusha or Hallel? If you are in a rush you can leave?