I’d like to chime in on the recent school and vaad fiasco being discussed here on the scoop over the last week or so.
Many have suggested “simply” opening more schools in Lakewood or surrounding towns.
Let me share an experience with you which may enlighten you.
I’m a businessman who has been living in the area for over 20 years. For the most part, I’m not a popular person, I just try to support my family and keep to myself.
Several years ago, when I noticed there was a serious issue with girls high schools and saw the pain many girls and parents were suffering, I seriously contemplated opening a school in Lakewood. In fact, I did quite a bit of research on experienced teachers, was in the process of identifying a property for a potential building, spoke with friends who were willing to send to the school and more.
What changed my mind, was a conversation at a neighborhood table during an event. The discussion was about schools.
During the conversation, a well-respected person made a comment completely disparaging a respected school owner, saying how he’s been working with him for years and he’s “an animal.” He said other things too which are not even for repeating. I happened to know that particular school-owner, and was shocked at what I heard. Obviously what ensued was a back and forth between several others at the table, some defending him and others adding to the insult. The vaad that assisted these girls also came up in the conversation, and many had not nice things to say about them too.
Right then and there I made the decision that this business wasn’t for me. Not that I need the Kavod or anything like it. It’s not what my intentions were to begin with, nor did I need it for the income. But when I heard this, I decided that if this is what my family will be put through, I don’t want a part of it. That night, I called quits on the project.
I’m sharing this experience to enlighten others about the burden of opening a school. Some people have thicker skin than me and can handle all the dirt that comes along with the territory. I wasn’t willing to deal with it.
Kol Hakavod to the Askonim who have been dealing with this issue for all these years.
A regular Lakewood resident.
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I have no skin in this game but this letter saddens me terribly. We are our own undoing….
We must work on our Shemiras Halashon.
If you truly mean lesheim Shomayim & have the capability of being mezakeh Es Horabim, you don’t stop because one person spoke loshon horah. You also need a Rov to guide you & be mechazeik you to come through to the end of the project. The school founders’ in this town have good names & do beautiful shidduchim.
It’s not easy being in the limelight & a klal person but this isn’t why new schools aren’t being built. A quiet personality that gets shied off by one negative comment might not be the right type to take on such a project.
It would take a talented & idealistic organizer with great fundraising skills to sucessfully launch a new successful school in Lakewood.
It’s loshon horah to repeat that other Yidden spoke loshon horah. I see no benefit from you submitting this letter.
Thanks for sharing your experience. For the thoughts and efforts you expanded, I commend you and say thank you! And for me the part of the story that really hit me was that “החיים והמוות ביד הלשון”
The power of the spoken word, at the table you say at, and in general!
A real lesson for me, thanks for that inspiration.
May you use your kochos to help the klal!
System’s are both neccesary and inherently have issues. No system is going to satisfy evreyone. As such, one who wants to help the klal must be prepared to ignore naysayers and others who are not mindful of what חז”ל
teach that החיים והמוות ביד הלשון. May those who have the capability and can ignore the aforementioned individuals rise to the occasion and merit much siyata dshmaya.
Best explanation regarding the school situation.
This might sound counterintuitive however it might be possible that without a safety net everybody will be better off. As long as there was a vaad, people relied on them to get them into the School of choice regardless if they were, or could have been accepted in any other place. And delayed registration if they thought they might have a chance in getting into a place of choice. Now without a safety net people have to commit right away and schools don’t have as much visibility to predict who they can accept. It just so might be the year that things work out better than any other.
This is similar to why a free economy works better than a planned one.
I am sorry, but you’re incorrect. the VAAD pushed girls into schools that were not on the standards of the families, they did NOT get girls into the “schools of their choice”.
Can you post what you predicted the cost to be to run a school for one year?
It’s already started. Right now there is blood in the street and anyone that can step in to help should. It’s an unprecedented mess. Girls are sitting home crying, scared and mortified. Parents are stressed and in pain and besides for suffering their daughters pain. This was brought on by a terrible sequence of events and the poor young girls are the korbonos, may hashem protect them. And to make it worse there is no one to turn to. Schools seem to be lost as well and saying what should we do, askanim it seems are no more and helpless parents and daughters are suffering and lost. The march towards potentially incalculable damage to these girls and a directional change in their lives has R”L begun. And, it’s from all segments of our community. To those who can help now is the time. We need to be able to say ידינו לא שפכה את הדם הזה
Sadly, well said. The generations here before us would never, could never believe it would come to this. Business needs to be business. Schools need to be CHINUCH, not ego boosters or pocket liners.
There is no chinuch when classes have 45+ girls! And those that have small classes would probably take you, but you won’t go there!
that’s completely wrong. the schools with small classes are dumping grounds for all the girls who were rejected from the “good” schools. there are a few schools without too many girls that are very good, but they are so selective that they won’t even take calls from the Rosh Yeshiva.
I heard Amos Bunim speak about doing for the klal and his experience with R Aharon Kotler, he spoke with a lot of emotion about how R Aharon would demand from them that there is no personal feelings allowed in klal work.
There are always negative people that will try to take public figures down, and they are the loudest.
How do you know if you were put in your position precisely to open a high school? Like Mordechai said to Esther Mi Yodaya..
I have a hard time understanding how you set a goal and almost accomplished it, and due to a negative comment gave up your personal kochos and shteiging
It’s not so hard to understand once you’ve been down that road. You probably never tried! Lmk in a few weeks after you’ve done all the research of what opening a high school entails, I’m waiting for a besura tova of a new high school! Much Hatzlocha
While you are right in theory the writer is more on the practical side than you and roshei mosdos are unfortunately looked at extremely negative by a whole host of people not just “a negative comment” so he doe shave what to worry about.
It’s not a question of one negative comment. I know one successful person who runs a girls school successfully
But he can’t deal with all the agmas nefesh and people assuming he is this terrible guy out for money. So he has no strength to expand and grow his school beyond what it is now.
(moderated) needs to step up to the plate. It is mostly the kollel girls that need a school
Rubbish! Where do you get your info from?
Finally someone giving the Vaad and askanim the proper kavod they deserve. As someone who is related to a couple of these choshuve askonim and gets to see the backend of the system, I can confidently say that they all have the klals best interest in mind. Obviously no system will work for everyone. They are trying to accommodate as many girls as possible. Trust me they dont have personal motives and they would be very happy for someone else to take all the garbage they get. They would be very happy for someone elses kids to get treated as harshly as theirs do. they would be very happy for someone else to get woken uo in middle of the night to help another. Theyre not getting paid for this. But haters will always hate, and the bitter will continue to make these choshuve mens jobs as hard possible. Halevai you should all be zoche to do as much good as they do.
I know someone who’s son was trying to get their daughter into one of the many “popular” elementary schools they have a family friend who is well connected and tried to help out at the end she didn’t get in.
The school told him that not enough people called the school to try to get the child in therefore the family was most probably not really serious about getting her into “their” school
This is what our world has come to schools are now a business not a place that cares about educating our future jewish generations
And then they wonder why so many kids go off the derech…
Give me a break. That is not why children go off the derech. Why didnt he just send to a smaller school? The big schools are inundated with hundreds of applicants! He wouldn’t need to call and push if he would agree to send his daughter to a newer school. Then she wouldn’t be off the derech!! Stop blaming when you are to blame!
quite frankly, the smaller schools are the dumping ground for the “undesirable” students and families. who is to blame here exactly?
I need to clarify something that’s often said in the comments: “stop pushing for your first choice.”
People need to understand that very often, parents are often pushed to send to schools that are not even in the Parsha for the type of child and their family.
My daughter went through this. We were told don’t expect your choice of schools. We are a regular frum Balabatish family. They were trying to push us into an amazing school, just one of the most yeshivish ones in lakewood. Another person suggested we try another school out of town for a more modern/baalei teshuva crowd (beautiful school BTW). We are still bitter to this day that someone had the nerve to suggest this.
The system is broken and will collapse if something is not done.
Interesting comment.
The schools are bashed and called the worst kinds of names if they try to be selective and stick to a certain crowd. So here you have a family that was offered a spot in 2 amazing and beautiful schools ( I am using his words ) and he declined and was even insulted because the crowd in both schools was not to his liking. One eas too yeshivush and one was too little yeshivish. So let’s see. Who is really the ones who are picky and discriminating about the crowd that they need. Is it the schools or maybe its really the parents as outlined by this family.
It is an extremly painfull topic. as somone who is in chinuch i have noticed beautiful neshamos crushed. its painfull and somone willl need to give din vechashbon!!! My heart bleeds for those good erluche parents who have done nothing wrong to deserve this.There needs to be a system where people are treated with dignity and respect. Its sad that the vaad needed to intevene in the past.Its sadder that these individuals for who worked pro bono where abused where they no longer are willing to do their job!
There is another element that people aren’t willing to admit. There are some and i repeat some individuals that dont follow to the schools that they are applying to values system. For example the mother comes to school dressed VERY NOT TSNIUS, no internet filter, has no family rov cuz none copuld tell me what to do etc. Be real u can do whatever u wish in your life!!! actions have consequences. To those specific people grow up and stop trying to live a double life.Parents dont need to compromise the ruchanius of their life so u can liv it up!
I understand that’s an extremely tough thing to deal with,
However as a business man you should know that in order to be truly successful you need to not listen or take to heart what people say. (Everyone can work on that)
People will always talk and trash others and this story is a perfect example and great lesson for all of us to work on our lashon hara.
But if you have the ability and gift to open up a school please reconsider. It’s such an unbelievable and tremendous zechus that you’d have to help so many future generations!
Sincerely,
An adult that understands & knows the pain too well of being rejected from schools.