my story of shabbos (1)
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Letter: A Week’s Worth of Pressure in One Holy Day: One Man’s Honest Shabbos
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This is such a sad read. My heart goes out to the writer. The problem is not shabbos. The problem is this man is not living. He’s depressed, isolated in his own head, not connecting to Hashem, his wife, the world or anything else. He has no sense of purpose. He numbs life out, social media and whatever else on his screen. Then comes shabbos and he’s forced to face himself and his life. So he tries to numb it out again with alcohol. Which seems not to work as well as a screen. There’s help available. You can learn to live with purpose. Then shabbos can become the connection it’s supposed to be. And you can actually start to live. Your life, without looking at everyone else’s.
He needs to work on his marriage. Ugh
This story is clearly made up, looks like a chapter out of a nachman seltzer novel. Many things just don’t add up. I’m not sure why they even posted it.
It’s irrelevant whether its fiction or not. The unfortunate reality is that this is very relatable to many in our community.
I know the writer- not made up
Nebach, not the way I experience Shabbos at all. He has to work on himself, his wife and kids and get back on the right track.
No point dissecting this diary entry and showing the writer the beauty and awesomeness of shabbos! I’m just coming on here to simply stick up for the heilge day of shabbos. To show Shabbos that she is not alone. To let Shabbos know, that yes we are struggling but we still love her and don’t have anything against her. To the contrary, we will always and forever cherish her. When we take care of shabbos, shabbos will take care of us. כי היא מקור הברכה. May we all be zoche to get through out challenges, to seek and dig deep within us and see and feel the greatness and awesomeness of shabbos Kodesh! Amen!
You forgot to post the charidy link
Clearly not a letter, but somehow a very well-written story because I made it through all 13 pages in one sitting. This guy definitely knows how to write and I felt like I was reading from one of the magazines. That’s quite a talent! I think that I’m kind of hoping that it’s not completely true with all the details, because of it is I think his wife is kind of not so nice. I think it’s, actually I’m wondering if it’s, an amplified version of what this guy feels and what he feels that some of the people around him feels and he wove that together into a written story. Which it may well be a few stories woven together and it’s somewhat helps if it is true, to see you that a lot of people are dealing with various difficulties and feeling loneliness against everyone else’s success.
This is very real. I read this a few weeks ago
when he handed it to me in shul on Shabbos morning.
Sometimes I just go through the motions too- we all do that sometimes, it’s okay- but it sounds like you’ve given up. You’re too hard on yourself. Please go talk to someone – a rav or therapist. There’s help available. You also write really well!
What do you want from us? You’re the only who can solve your issues. How did you get so cynical?
This person has not said Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman in a long time.
This is very powerful. I think the intent was to let others who may feel the same way know they are not alone.
I want to chime in that, technically, everything in your story aligns with mine – including the bounced cards, the gefilte fish and chicken in foil pans, the kids fighting, the 10-year-old car (13 to be exact), the rich friends, and i do not look at it this way. Shabbos is my lifeline bh!
The peace, the serenity, the forgetting about all our worries and just spending time with family and friends. The forgetting about work and just basking is Shabbos hamalkas glow. i look forward to it all week.
I do feel bad for you, but please stop looking over your shoulder at everyone else’s meat board and get some help.
You are taking some of your own issues and squarely and unfairly placing the blame on the beautiful Shabbos Kodesh.
Editors, please remove this article as there is no to’eles.
PS if for nothing else, do this for your wife. it sounds like she works so hard and does not deserve all this.
If this is a true story, my heart is crying for you!!!
Hashem should BENCH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WITH HEALTH, HAPPINESS, AND WEALTH!!!
can we stop with the true/not true comments? its totally not the point. It can be real and also untrue
Need to work on your emunah & Bitachon. Thats what shabbos is supposed to be for.
So sad. He’s totally missing the point of life. Nebach!
Wonder why TLS chose to post this
If someone is that lost, disenchanted, he needs real help, not thumbs ups/downs or a peanut gallery
You need help, and you need it fast (not talking about financial, even if you got all the money you needed, you would still find ways to be the victim).
I’m honestly surprised at how many people are attacking this writer. Not because the piece is “negative,” but because it’s honest.
Obviously some parts are exaggerated — that’s how writing works. He took real emotions that so many of us experience and wove them into a single story so readers could relate. It’s not meant to be a minute-by-minute diary of his Shabbos.
But let’s be honest:
The people jumping to “go get help” or “you need therapy” aren’t helping anyone. They’re just shutting down a topic they personally can’t handle hearing.
It’s uncomfortable for them to admit that today’s world — not just Shabbos — is filled with pressure, noise, expectations, emptiness, gashmiyus, and constant overwhelm. Instead of facing that reality, they label anyone who expresses it as “broken” so they don’t have to think about their own struggles.
But struggling does NOT make someone weak. If anything, it shows a person is awake.
It shows they’re paying attention.
It shows they don’t want to settle for a rushed, pressured version of Yiddishkeit.
It shows they want MORE — more connection, more depth, more meaning.
That’s exactly what the writer is saying:
“This version of Shabbos isn’t working for me. I want the real thing.”
That’s not a crisis.
That’s growth.
That’s self-awareness.
That’s the first step toward a deeper, more meaningful Shabbos — not less Shabbos.
And instead of attacking him, maybe recognize how much courage it takes to put these feelings into words. There are thousands of people who feel parts of this but would never say it out loud. He gave them a voice.
Kudos to him. Honesty isn’t negativity — it’s the beginning of something better. And wanting more from your Yiddishkeit is not a flaw. It’s strength.
He didn’t mention one tiny thing he tries to put in to shabbos so that he can get some meaning. He needs to DO something. ANYTHING tiny. Kvetching about davening aint it.
It’s interesting — he shared an experience, and somehow you read it as a to-do list he forgot to complete.
He didn’t ask for solutions.
He didn’t ask for advice.
He didn’t even ask for sympathy.
He described what Shabbos feels like for him.
And your reply ignores the entire experience and jumps straight into a lecture.
That’s not insight — that’s avoidance.
People don’t start growth by pretending they’re already doing “tiny things.” They start by admitting what their reality actually feels like.
He did that.
You dismissed it.
Calling it “kvetching” isn’t analysis — it’s just shutting down a conversation you’re not comfortable having.
If honesty makes you this defensive, that says a lot more about your discomfort than about his Shabbos.
Not everyone needs to hide behind forced positivity. Some people are actually willing to say the quiet part out loud.
He was.
You weren’t.
How long are we supposed to analyze before taking actions?
double post
He can’t because he is TOO TIRED.
lol, this response is as AI as it comes 🤣
The letter writer is having such a difficult time. One place to start is to think about using Shabbos to connect to his family, at least a little. He can play a game with the children, tell a story, read a book. If the weather allows it, he can take a walk with them or go to the park. If he doesn’t usually do this on Shabbos, maybe only one or two of the children will be interested at first. That’s OK. If he does this then mealtimes will probably be less stressed because the children won’t be competing for his attention.
He should also talk to his wife. When shopping on Erev Shabbos, he can buy a treat for his wife and give it to her at candle lighting, to show he’s thinking of her. He should ask her about her day and week.
He also does need to drink less, because though he’s drinking to numb himself, it makes him feel worse. The alcohol probably also contributes to waking up at 1 am and being unable to fall back asleep.
We all have our challenges. The main thing is to Daven for help. There are also many many books and seforim. On shabbas r shimshon pincus or you can learn Toras avigdor on the parsha you must infuse your Shabbos with meaning to appreciate it. Listening to the Emunah and bitachon hotline, you will feel very empowered. life’s not about making it it’s about trying your best. Good luck
A person isn’t supposed to spend above their means on Shabbos!
Not to borrow with no inkling of how to repay
We can have a very satisfying Shabbos without indulging in the delicacies afforded by the wealthy.
You are a rich man in so many ways but you don’t feel it yet
Focus on all the good you have in your life & ignore the unhealthy meatboards & candy platters…
Unsolicited advice for the letter writer:
Honoring the Sabbath is the third of the ten commandments. The final commandment: “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods.” The ninth commandment: “Though shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” For the letter writer’s children, the fourth commandment. “Honor thy father and mother.” I wonder whether the letter writer would tolerate his current circumstances better if he would remember the last two of the ten commandments along with the third and instruct his children in the fourth.
I would be depressed without Shabbos!!
hatzlacha