Dear fellow Jews, A couple of months ago my husband and I were on our way to Lakewood to the lchaim of our son.
As you can imagine, we were delighted and excited and nervous as we looked forward to the hour plus drive to inform our friends and family of the upcoming simcha.
That joyous feeling was quickly pulled out from under us by some quick fingered yeshiva boy who felt the need to ‘chap’ the simcha and post it on various chats. That message got reposted in a matter of seconds to thousands of people. It only took seconds to end up on the bungalow chat and that’s where the fun began.
Instead of choosing carefully whom we wanted to share our simcha with, close friends were insulted that we didn’t share this news with them first.
We spent the next hour doing damage control and what should have been an exciting time became a very stressful situation.
By the time we got to the simcha we were total stress balls. And all because someone had to post the simcha first.
To all you young people, I beg you, please confirm a simcha is official before you post it anywhere. And before you REPOST it make sure it’s official as well. It’s on you to make sure it’s official EVEN if you saw it on another chat. Just because someone else stole a simcha doesn’t give you permission to steal it again.
Please be aware of the tzaar you cause when posting a simcha that is not yet official.
A Mother of a Boy
I really feel terrible for baalei simcha that this happens too.
Ppl really have to be careful before they share things.
That said I will give you another side to a story… although may not be your story, mistakes can happen to.
A relative of mine called me 1am once when she knew I was up busy with a project.
She wanted to tell me that she was getting engaged the next night but in her excitement she kind of worded it in a way that I understood to mean she was engaged. Well she was. But not official. I guess waiting for parents to meet etc.
But amidst my project I didn’t catch that nuance and was so excited and wished her mazel tov.
I sent a quick text to a bunch of my family members to say,she was engaged and knowing theyd see in the morning.
Meanwhile I only found out the next day that it wasnt official!!!! I felt terrible but it was too late. I was actually mortified!
My family isnt big news spreaders so it didnt go too far… but it could have!
Just,sharing another point of view!
Mazel tov on your simcha!
My advice;
Switch bungalow colonies.
Gimme a break. A bunch of snowflakes we have become. Big deal. Move on.
Maybe your son shouldn’t have shared it with his friend then? This is the world we live in.
I agree that people should be careful to make sure that it’s official, but to call it a ‘ruined simcha’? Seriously? Your kid is engaged! And honestly, there isn’t any reason that you should need to do ‘damage control’ the day that he got engaged. People should be more sensitive to take up their insult at a later date. And also, how are people supposed to know whether or not it’s official? If I see my friend is engaged then I EXCITEDLY tell my other friends, because I am HAPPY for him.
IN short, the ‘chats’ aren’t the only ones at fault here, and they certainly didn’t RUIN anything, just possibly made it a tiny bit less of a simcha, because if you really think they ruined it, then the problem isn’t with the chat.
To Abe and everyone else: Just mind your own business. Schoen. Even spreading good news is Lashon Hara. Maras Ayin. You heard about it?
Im so sorry to hear about this. It should be a kaparah. May this be the worst thing that ever happens to you
People shouldn’t be insulted for not finding out earlier about a Simcha. Whattsapp makes people into vegetables. So you can’t really expect a bunch of fried brains to differentiate between a Simcha before it’s official or not. The fact is smartphones and internet is destroying society. People don’t think anymore.
I’ll say it like I would have as a bochur 20 years ago:
Chill!
Its a disgrace that people can victimize themselves in the best of times. There are people out there who would do or go through anything to have a lachaim. Why dont you look at the positives in your life instead of finding faults in others during a time you should be appreciative in your life
Relax buddy!
Let me make a few points.
Who are you to go ahead and call Yeshiva boys “some quick fingered Yeshiva boys”?
Did you think for a second?
Is there no chance in the world that your future daughter in law has such friends as well? Or they are all very refined seminary girls that will never do something like this? What’s all the hate about?
And besides the point what happened after your son asked his Kallah if she wants to marry him? Did he go ahead and call you and the second later text his best friend? What do you expect that to happen he should just hang up and that’s it? NO GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!
this is not the 1900s where everyone had to call each other. Good news spreads in seconds. Yes there’s all the what’s app groups and yes the first person that hears it will send to his friends group and it goes on from there.
About your friends getting insulted. They have to grow up or find new friends.
And last point is there’s always a second party involved. How do you know who your machatanim told already maybe they themself went and sent it to all their groups.
I really feel bad for you that you had a disturbed Simcha when it should’ve been the happiest time for you. Next time make up before hand that it’s not official until 7:00 and then you can tell whoever you want b4 and tell them what time it’s official. Move on with life and only Simchos! Can’t wait to share the next engagement I hear about! (Maybe it will be one of your children’s)
I recently sat Shiva and had serious cellulites, making it very difficult for me to sit low and meet people. A well meaning friend posted and emailed notices without asking, in effect, making a difficult time more difficult.
You must keep a careful list of all and every contact you ever made.
You must use this list to consult and get advice plus all legal loshon horah from each and every one on this special list.
Ignoring this advice is not only socially wrong but also osur al pi halacha.
How can you insult one list member over the other by not consulting with each and every…..
There are big big isurim involved such as insulting jews especially friends. Does Oina’as de’varim get any clearer? How about hurting feelings of so many people? And whats about HaKaras Hatov to all these list people who did all kind of favors for you – ask them.
Bottom line:
Keep that list alive at all given times and keep adding anybody who thinks they should be on it and then you nust consult with each and every one on that list.
these chats, whatsapp, etc are POISON, period. It cause more harm than good. Stay away from it. You will be glad you took my advice. You will see.
This seems to be a bit of an overreaction. If your son is old enough to marry he is old enough to share the news with his friends.
If ur bungalow friends reallt got upset and you had to spend ur time doing damage control, I would recommed dumping them.
Like the other poster wrote chill out people.
By me, not only my bungalow friends but also my shul friends and my business friends and my spouses business friends were all boycotting our simcha.
The only ones that came were the shechaynim and only because one or two saw them going out and they very quietly discussed it and suspected something.
grow up. look at the huge chessed the Abishter has given you! and you focus on narishkiten?
So you had a plan how you were going to control the situation and Hashem had other plans. If your point is that social media is horrendous then fine but it seems like that is not your point and you are only upset of how it effected YOU. I understand it’s a women thing to be more sensitive about such things as being told first about something but HOW DEAR YOU WASTE MY TIME WITH SUCH SILLINESS. SERIOUSLY?!? What has this world come to?!? This should be the worst thing you ever experience.