Dear M.A.G
I hope this message finds you well. I recently had the opportunity to read and contemplate your article multiple times, and it stirred within me a deep sense of reflection and a desire to engage in a meaningful conversation. While your perspective is certainly valuable and offers insights worth considering, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on certain aspects you raised.
Firstly, the growth that Lakewood and its surrounding towns have experienced is undeniably remarkable, and the blessings of Siyata Dishmaya are evident. The dream of Reb Ahron Z”TL to establish a haven for Bnei Torah away from the hustle of city life has materialized into a thriving community. However, with growth comes the inevitable expansion of infrastructure and the increasing needs of the community.
Your observation regarding the challenges that accompany growth is particularly poignant. It’s true that not every child in Lakewood, even with a father dedicated to Torah learning, will follow the traditional educational path. As the community expands, additional schools, stores, and services become imperative, presenting a unique set of challenges that require thoughtful consideration.
Living in a world where technology is ever-evolving, it’s impossible to escape the instant transmission of news—whether true or fake—across the globe. The exposure to a broader and sometimes conflicting worldview is a reality for our community. In such a context, individuals, especially the youth, may grapple with the desire to fit in or navigate personal struggles. It is incumbent upon our Rabbonim to guide and educate the community, acknowledging both the positives and challenges posed by the modern era.
Your assertion about the ostentatious display of wealth raises a crucial point. While some may flaunt affluence, it is essential to recognize that true wealth often lies beneath the surface. The ability to live modestly and contribute meaningfully to the community exemplifies genuine prosperity. It’s a responsibility our Rabbonim should address, fostering an environment where success is measured not by material displays but by the impact on Klal Yisroel.
There’s an old saying that a broken clock is right twice a day. In the context of our discussion, it struck me as ironic that conversations about these individuals, particularly among your grandchildren and others, tend to focus on their planes and wealth rather than the substantial acts of Chesed and responsibility they undertake.
Having had the privilege of traveling with both individuals, I’ve witnessed firsthand the challenges they face daily. Amidst attempts to find moments of peace, their phones incessantly ring with calls concerning issues such as children struggling to secure spots in yeshivas, individuals seeking financial assistance, struggling yeshivas, and the intricate world of shidduchim, among many other heart-wrenching matters.
The question that lingered in my mind is why your grandchildren and others seem to emphasize the material aspects of their lives, such as planes and luxury items, rather than acknowledging the immense chesed, tzedaka, and the burden of responsibility these gvirim carry on their shoulders. These individuals shoulder the weight of over $100 million a year in charitable endeavors just to 2 mosdos and that’s besides for the hundreds of other chesed projects they shoulder.
Perhaps, it might be worth reflecting on the example set by their father. If the emphasis on material possessions seems to overshadow the profound impact and generosity these individuals bring to Klal Yisroel, it could be a reflection of the values communicated in their immediate environment. Perhaps if If at the Shabbos table instead of discussing jets and luxury cars, perhaps discuss how these individuals give selflessly of themselves, how these gvirim travel for weeks using their business acumen to raise staggering amounts of money, so that they can keep the flame of torah burning brighter while giving the Bnei Torah an increased salary. Perhaps your children will be “machshev “ the Zevulens of our generation for the right reasons.
In conclusion, my intention is not to criticize but to encourage a deeper reflection on the narrative that surrounds these individuals. There is a wealth of goodness and selflessness that deserves equal if not more attention than the material aspects.
Wishing you continued blessings and thoughtful contemplation.
Warm regards,
Izzy S.
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected]
I don’t think this change in Lakewood is specific to lakewood. It’s the trend all over. No one is negating the chessed that gevirim do. Let’s not forget that the money they have isn’t theirs but Hashems and He gave it to them to do the chessed with. Another point to mention is the gevirim of 30 years ago. They had the money, they gave the tzeddkah but yet they never ever felt the need to flaunt their wealth the way people do today. The lavish partying the massive houses the luxury cars. They were all able to afford it but absolutely didn’t live the way they do now. So there is a concept of having wealth and giving tzeddkah and doing chessed and living a life that doesn’t poke out other eyes. Kudos to a lot of the wealthy people I know that have the wealth, do the chessed and are happy with what they have and don’t always feel they need more and more and more. Ratza meya, ratza masayim. It’s a real thing and unfortunately plenty have this nisayon.
Finally someone with sense. Thank you.
This reminds me of a video I saw that surprised me. It was a fun, cute video asking elementary school age Charedi boys what they wanted to be when they grow up as they were entering the Yeshiva. What was the most common answer? Basketball player! Whether Basketball or private jets or exotic vacations something has gone off the rails. I remember not that long ago when boys (whether honest or embarrassed to answer otherwise) would answer, Rosh Yeshiva, Rebbe, Talmud Chochem, or Ben Torah. What happened?
Well written although I still believe the original letter writer has a point. People can be tremendous Baalei Tzedaka without being ostentatious. Many such people exist. A few years ago, Rav Avremel Ausband Shlita came out strongly against the private jet phenomenon.
You’re missing the point though. It’s not about private jets. It’s about people who are portraying themselves as being examples of bnei Torah who will never wear blue shirts and only allow the highest hechsher into their house, who are living it up like they are in Hollywood
@pashut,
You make some valuable points, but I ask you to consider the following, having grown up 40 years ago in Toronto, I can assure you that the world famous gvirim that lived there and supported not only the local mosdos, but their chesed was spread around the Jewish globe.. they lived lavish lives. They had palatial homes and drove the latest model cars etc.
throughout our rich history gvirim always had nicer homes, had butlers and traveled in luxurious carriages.
The biggest difference is, as the writer wrote, we live in a world where technology is intertwined in our lives. With the internet, chats etc many people’s lives are broadcast around the globe in milliseconds. Sharing a video of a family trip with extended family ends up being shared by thousands. The end result can be disastrous.
We always had gvirim, although their lives may sound glamorous, they don’t have have a good nights sleep.
With constant calls for help, going to Shul to Daven turns into an adventure.
The fact is,our generation of gvirim is no different from the past, the only difference in my humble opinion is the fact ppl want to vicariously live like them without the their means.
Trying to be liked or respected by showing off a car or throwing a meaningless kiddush because they need kavod is a byproduct of the internet generation.
One of the wealthiest if not the wealthiest Frum yid lived in Denver. An incredible Baal Tzedaka named Sheldon Beren. You could drive around the frum community there and it would have been impossible to figure out which house was his. He was next door neighbors with the Rosh Yeshiva and driving down their street you wouldn’t know whose house was whose.
Society surely has changed but our mussar seforim, pirkei avos and other generational seforim have not. What applied then applies now. It’s our job to to figure out how.
Just because you give millions of dollars a year in donations doesn’t mean therefore you can live as you want or do as you wish. Having money comes with an incredible achrayus and more difficult nisyonos. But you have that money because the RBSO believes you can handle that nisayon. Pass and your money will stay with you. Fail and you will lose it as fast as you got it. Flaunting it will eventually cause you to lose it.
Off topic but not totally, when did it become appropriate or acceptable that if you have money you can attend get togethers with Gedolay Yisroel and not wear a suit, tie and hat? What does kovod hatorah have to do with money? When in the presence of greatness dress appropriately. R Sheldon Beren, R Moshe Reichman, R Rubin Schron, R Avrohom Fruchthandler are from the greatest. Learn from those giants.
Yehudah Ha Nasi managed to write the mishna, I don’t think money is a problem with living a Torah lifestyle. There are a multitude of fantastically wealthy talmedi chachamim who wrote many of the most important texts we rely on every day in BMG. Some literally lived in castles. I think the problem is that living among the Western nations has influenced us to think that being holy is somehow related to austerity. Goyishe zach!
Reb Yehuda hanasi did not drive a Tesla
The writer of this letter is clearly a good person with a good heart. I feel what Izzy is saying. He makes some very valid points. But it still doesn’t take away from the fact that Lakewood has become the poster child for gashmiyos that has been taken to the next level. I’m talking a level that’s higher than the upper west side or Lawrence. There are plenty of kids and families with parents who raise them well, but the kids still get sidetracked by the glitz and the glamor. You can’t avoid it if on every street corner the fanciest shops and eateries are opening up. So whatever we could control, like explaining to our kids how is wrong to drop $1,000 in one night at a restaurant on fancy steaks for a single couple, we need to do. Yes, perhaps certain parents bringing it on their children, but other parents You mean well and live a simple lifestyle are just shocked when their children gravitate towards gashmiyos because they’re being exposed to it from all sides around them whether it’s Lakewood or Toms River or Jackson or anywhere else for that matter. If you live here or have family here, you cannot avoid it.
Instead of talking on the Shabbos table about the Zevuluns and their contributions to Klal Yisroel, let’s not talk about them at all. Let’s talk (in a positive way) about the Yissochors; the Gedolim, Roshei Yeshiva and Yungerleit who hold up Klal Yisroel in so many ways.
I’m not downplaying the importance of what our gvirim do for the klal. It’s just that children seem to gravitate to money and wealthy people, and at a young age it is not healthy for them. There are subjects we do not discuss with our children until certain ages, let this be one of them.
See how many names of Gedolim vs. names of Gvirim the kids know today. If they know more than two gvirim for every ten gedolim, it’s too much.
I grew up in the home of a famous Zevulun, where money was never discussed, not positively nor negatively. The result was that we grew up colorblind to ‘green.’ We were friends with rich kids and poor kids just the same. We didn’t care to wear the finest clothing, and we didn’t drool when we saw a limousine. Money wasn’t what was choshuv, Torah, mitzvos and yiras shomayim was. And although we grew and ‘matured’ past that point, I don’t believe any of us have a sick obsession with money or with showing it off.