It was two and a half years ago when Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz addressed a dinner in Lakewood and gave a speech that no one was expecting.
“L’tzaareynu harav, we have a machala in Lakewood,” said Rechnitz. “No other out of town community would ever allow a child to be left without a school. In LA if a child wouldn’t have a school , the first day the whole community would be all over it. The same thing would happen in Baltimore, Chicago, Toronto or anywhere else. This is basically a Lakewood machala. Yes, there a few kids in Monsey, more than a few kids in Brooklyn, but nowhere else and at no other time in history was this problem close to the magnitude it is in Lakewood.”
Rechnitz ultimately retracted his words and the firestorm that shook Lakewood to its core slowly settled down with everyone saying that, Baruch Hashem, the situation had changed.
Just four months later, my wife and I moved with our two daughters, then ages three and one, to Lakewood. Priced out of the housing market in Crown Heights, we did our homework before making the move, choosing Lakewood because of the affordable housing and the many amenities that it offered, moving our well known, New York based photography business with us. While it was true that the Lubavitch presence in Lakewood was not overly large, we found our place in a community and a shul where we felt at home, and we settled into a more relaxed pace, confident that we had made the decision that was best for our family.
Allow me to tell you a little about my family. I am from Denver while my wife hails from Miami. We are your average frum family. We are makpid on pas yisroel, cholov yisroel and I take both my davening and my learning seriously. It never once occurred to us that finding a school for our kids could prove to be a challenge.
We couldn’t have been more wrong.
We were somewhat discouraged when we first began looking for a school for our older daughter, hoping to find an appropriate place where she could learn and grow. We had been warned in advance that elementary school placements could be difficult, so we started looking for a four year old preschool program in order to get a foot in the door at an early age so that we wouldn’t have a problem down the road. Unfortunately, we struck out everywhere we went, told time and time again that the schools were full, so with no other option we put her into playgroup for four year olds and took comfort in the words of consolation from our friends who told us that we would get her in the following year. “Don’t worry about it,” they told us. “The 4 year old preschools can be harder to get into than the older grades.” “They only take families with kids already in the school.” “Just do to a playgroup this year and things will fall into place next year.”
We hit the ground running when the next school year started but by December we were already discouraged because no matter how many applications and deposits we sent out, the rejections kept on coming. We kept hearing the same words: “our school is filled to capacity” and “our classes are bursting at the seams.” Some schools wouldn’t even take our application because they literally had no room and a few that supposedly still had room they treated us very poorly, though I will spare you the details to avoid embarrassing them. We thought our worries were over when we were finally accepted at a school in February, after a very nice hour-long sit down meeting with the menaheles, but they retracted their acceptance a week later, telling us our daughter wouldn’t be “a good fit because she was too well mannered for the kids in their school” and assuring us that they would help us find another school. “It has nothing to do with being Lubavitch,” she said to us, hastily adding “I love Lubavtich people.” Ask yourself if we were black if she would have dared say the same thing to us. And as far as I know, they never lifted a finger to help us and we never heard from them again.
Believe it or not, we had even tried to start a school of our own, hoping that we could be part of the solution to Lakewood’s school crunch. We met with a few local families and others but couldn’t get the necessary commitments and since we were already busy with our full time business that often has serious time demands, we knew we couldn’t take this on on our own. It was clear to us that we had to stick to existing schools and daven for siyata dishmaya.
An ad placed around town by the Lakewood Vaad in February offering to help parents whose kids still didn’t have a school was another dead end; while they seemed well meaning and said all the right things, that was as far as their efforts went. Our hopes were dashed again in June when we had an extremely positive interview at yet another school but then didn’t hear back from them for weeks. When I finally reached them, they told us they had been ready to accept our daughter until something came up, refusing to tell me what the issue was. The mystery was solved a few days later when a rov I know called to tell me that the school was unhappy with my business’s Instagram page that featured pictures of brides, and after being told that I was a wedding photographer, they reluctantly agreed that I might be frum enough to send my kids to their school. They said they would call us back for another meeting in a few days but that was weeks ago and I am still waiting for that call to come through. Ironically, this particular principal had told us that she was from California and didn’t have the stereotypical “Lakewood” mindset, but her actions clearly proved otherwise.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out how is it possible that a wedding photographer can’t post his work on Instagram, even though apparently it’s ok for a frum man to run a lingerie store in the middle of Boro Park. Can someone please explain that to me? I run an honest business together with my wife, we provide people with treasured photographs of the most important day in their lives. Have we come to the point where we need to have wedding pictures without kallahs in them? Or is someone out there suggesting that if I take pictures at a more modern wedding then clearly my daughters will never be good frum girls?
Meanwhile, yet another promising lead at a small school evaporated just days after our registration was sent in. We got the following email from the school in late June that read “Thank you for your interest in our school. Unfortunately, the school will not be continuing in September, so please pursue whatever other options you have for your daughter.” Other options? We had no other options. And worse yet, dozens of parents now found themselves on board the same sinking ship that we were on.
Our only option left so far is to put our daughter in a van with local Chabad shluchim and have her driven 70 minutes each way to a Chabad school located in New Brunswick. I simply cannot come to terms with the fact that we live in an “Ir HaTorah” with dozens of schools and yet not a single one will take our child. And it isn’t just my family and my daughter – I have spoken to numerous people who have the same problem, and while some are finding themselves suddenly facing the possibility of homeschooling, quite a few of them are seriously contemplating enrolling their kids in public school simply because they have no other option. Is that what things have come to? Beautiful, yiddishe families putting their kids in public school because the existing yeshivos simply have no space?
As the product of Lubavitcher yeshivos, I was raised on stories of the previous Rebbe who risked his own life to send melamdim out to teach in underground Russian yeshivos in the 1920s and 1930s. They defied the authorities daily, despite the possible consequences because they knew that they had to keep yiddishkeit alive by educating the next generation and every time a melamed was captured, there were others ready to take his place, placing themselves in jeopardy to keep the flame of Torah burning bright. Yet here we are in America, the land of the free, living in Lakewood where there are over 60 elementary schools, where no one has to risk their life to teach, where countless teachers can’t even find jobs and we still have children near the end of July who don’t have a school to go to in September.
We all need to wake up and realize that Lakewood’s growth is unsustainable. We can’t keep building and building and building and growing a community without proper infrastructure in place. Yes, we have kosher supermarkets, and pizza shops and shuls and mikvaos and clothing stores selling the finest in designer clothes for kids of all ages, including babies. Is that where our priorities lie? In making sure our babies are dressed in Burberry? But what good is any of that if we aren’t able to provide our precious children with appropriate chinuch? Rumor has it that both Bingo and Pomegranate are opening up locations in Lakewood. I hate to be the one to burst anyone’s bubble but we don’t need another place to buy overpriced dips, $200 roasts or two gallon jugs of mayonnaise. What we need is more schools!!
Our community leaders need to step up and take responsibility for this problem. We as citizens need to take responsibility for this problem. Much as we would never feed our sons or our daughters tarfus, we cannot allow them to be raised with an education that is devoid of Torah values simply because our current yeshivos cannot handle Lakewood’s blooming population.
Baruch Hashem, every Jewish child and every yiddishe family is a bracha and a cause for celebration, but the irresponsible development of Lakewood, which seems to include everything except for ample educational opportunities for our beautiful children, has created an untenable situation. Anyone who is contemplating a move to Lakewood needs to be aware of the realities – you might have all of the conveniences you want here, but as things stand right now, don’t assume that you will be educate your child anywhere in the greater Lakewood area. Not until opening more schools becomes more real then more grocery stores.
While he may have retracted his statements, Shlomo Yehuda Rechintz had it right when he said, “Who has the right, who has that G-d like complex, that feels they have the right to inflict such irreparable tzaar? If you are ready to take the achrayus, then stand up now. Amod, Amod.”
Thank you, Mr. Rechnitz. I can only hope that others heed your call.
Yosef & Sarah Shidler
Lakewood New Jersery
Please do not compare Lakewood to any other community. The schools in Lakewood are PACKED. This is very much a space issue. There some schools in Lakewood that are not so packed and I assume those would take you…. everyone knows don’t move to Lakewood if you don’t have you’re children in a school. No community has the amount of kids in a class like Lakewood. Most elementary schools have about 35 kids on a class and the girls high schools are up to over 40. These are not normal numbers. For everyone who cares so much open more schools instead of just pointing out the negative.
im not sure that you read his full letter but he wrote that he tried every school and one of the schools didnt want to take him because he was trying to show on instagram what a good job he is doing to get more customers that really doesnt have to do with the school being full
read the letter again apparently you missed his point
There isn’t much more to add to the letter writer.
They are 100% right.
With a drop of live in your hearts , each school could come up with a solution to ensure that every single child has a school.
But they don’t.
If the day before school , a little girl applied to school, and her last name happens to have been Rechnitz,
All the instagram excusee and being full and not equipped , would suddenly disapear.
The reason why so many children end up without a school , is because of a lack of love for a fellow yid, and Tisha B’av is the most appropriate time to post this.
This Sept:
Let’s all band together and show the world that we love each and every child and NO CHILD , no matter what their circumstances , should be without a school.
Schools should not be a business. They are chinuch institutions and should be doing G-D’s work. It is not for any human being, school principal, administrator, etc. to decide not to take another yiddishe neshama because of space restraints or other invalid reasons. If you are fortunate to run a school that people want to go to, accommodate the demand. OPEN MORE CLASSES!!!! These are the Ribono Shel Olam’s children you’re playing with. Be careful. As Rabbi Wallerstein told a school principal, “Hitler ymch”sh never worried about space. There was always room to push another jew into the gas chamber. Don’t be worse than Hitler Ymch”sh!! This may be an extreme analogy, but Jewish people are hurting. Don’t be the cause of it. Step up to the plate and be part of the solution. During the times of glory, the Bais Hamikdosh had room for all. It is a disgrace what goes on in Lakewood and other heimishe communities playing with Neshomos. עורו ישנים משינתכם
I don’t understand why people who spend time and effort establishing and running schools get letters like yours. They are part of the solution! They are not the problerm! This is an established school tht has hundreds of talmidos! They don’t have room! Maybe some other people should start another school! That is what is needed! Not bashing the schools that are bursting at the seams!
Ok – but there’s no justification to withdraw an acceptance. That I would argue is the main point – let’s say some schools have no room, but what about the ones who gave them an acceptance letter and later retracted that – that’s disgusting. How do you justify that?
I’m with you in your truly painful situation, and you’re right on each account.
But I will add that while true, there is a space issue, there’s also an exclusivity issue, which completely overrides the former. The spaces are all filled up with those that will positively add to the school’s image, and/ or have pull or deep pockets, and not necessarily with those that register first and are equally shomrei Torah umitzvohs.
How apropos that this letter was printed on Tisha b’av. Let’s take a good look at ourselves and see if this doesn’t eerily remind us of the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, who was also told that the party wasn’t the right fit, and there’s no room for him….
P.S. Yes, we do need more schools, maybe the vaad can help with that…
Excuse me but I have been living in Lakewood for the past 12 years and still can’t get my daughter into high school your a big talker Shainy you probably have all your kids in school for September well I don’t and it’s very painful you can not even fathom what we are going through and what it’s doing to my foot Rechnitz is 100 percent right I wish there were a lot more people like him and for all those high school principals you are mamish destroying and killing these girls that you are refusing to accept and you wonder why we have to go through a Tisha B’av again and moshiach can’t come it’s sick what’s going on
principals are killing these girsl????? They are taking care of hundreds of girls! Do they get no credit for that???? They are running schools for bnos yisrael! If they are full, what do you want from them?
I do feel bad for you but please don’t move from another city and start telling us how to live. Yes, lakewood has it’s share of problems but believe me , people who have lived and breathed this city for many many years are hard at work trying to fix it. People can’t expect to move here and suddenly try to fix the problems. If you don’t like the way things are run, you are welcome to join another community. In Rome you do what the Roman’s do, and if Romans don’t like brides on instagram pages then if you want to be excepted there, don’t do it. But don’t move in and tell them what they should and shouldn’t do. I wish you much hatzlocha in your school searching.
Neighbors says: YOU SOUND LIKE YOUR FROM SADOM
It’s not easy to open up a school I would b very interested on opening a girls high school and invest money but have no idea how to go about doing that,anyone that can help and wants to form a board that will open up a new girls high school then please email me at Mutifel@gmail.com
Thanks
You are talking lemaaseh. I am a senior citizen, but hopefully some younger people will join you. Hatzlacha!
I truly wish I could defend the schools of Lakewood but unfortunate, the actions of the people in power have made that impossible. So many residents of Lakewood have been dragged through the mud by these schools. Story after story dictate the horrible, embarrassing and mortifying times people have been put through while trying to find a schools for their kids. Yes, there is presumably an issue with room in the schools but that does not give any excuse for the horrible embarrassment and shame that families are put through by the school acceptance committees etc. It is Sinas Chinam at its worst. Let us hope that those people realize the echo chamber of sinas chinam they are a part of and have the courage to stand up and say “I refuse to be apart of it.” And maybe then, we can all turn to G-d and ask him with a clean conscience, please redeem us.
Here is an idea
Start a petition aiming for 1000 signatures called NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND
once 1000 people sign it will take effect
We will not send are elementary kids to schoo this coming school year l until every single child has been placed and accepted in a school. That should work
To the comment put out at 1205pm by neighbor all I can say to you is ….. and this is why we do not have moshiach
When in Rome do as the Romans do? Really? That’s Torah? That’s unzirers hashkofos? How about when in Yerusholayim do as the Aibishter says? How about that the Bais Hamikdosh accepted all Yidden. Wow imagine a guy did an avayra, comes to bring a Chatos and the kohayn tells him so sorry we don’t have room for another korbon today especially from a sinner like you. Your type is unwanted here.
AL ayleh ani bocbhia, aynee aynee yordo mayim
@neighbors
I dont think they are telljng people how to live,rather they are in pain and reminding you of a glaring problem which may be your responsibility to help fix.
This man is absolutely right. The Lakewood school system is sad, pathetic and needs a lot of help. The are so many who feel rejected and are in so much pain. Is this an example to set for our children? Where is our ahavas Yisrael?
Worldwide parasitic machalah!
The school picks you, you don’t pick the school.
Will never change. Has been this way since I can remember- and I ain’t no youngster.
I think we need around 20 businessmen like myself that r ready to contribute each around 10k towards opening a new girls high school we will have to establishe a board that is comprised of serious people that will hire a solid principal that has experience and can work on creating a solid curriculum and hire the right teachers etc.
If interested on getting involved please email me at Mutifel@gmail.com
Oy vey, i think you have it all backwards. Lakewood’s was meant to be an ir hatorah, unfortunately nowadays, for many reasons, it’s far from it. But it is entitled to have standards if that’s what the rabbonim decide. I think in Tisha B’Av we should mourn the fact the ruchniyas in town is slowly getting watered down while the standards for gashmiyus is getting higher and higher. As far as schools go, it seems like there are enough people having issues with the current schools, so maybe start you own school….
I’m truly sorry to hear your predicament. However, please try to see it from another person’s perspective. There are those with different hashkofos than you and they are also entitled to raise they’re children according to the hashkofa that they feel is right. We have one Aibeshter, but many different approaches as to how to serve him. I wouldn’t necessarily want to send my kids to a school that has your kids and your hashkofos in my children’s class. I wouldn’t expect a Lubavitch Mesivta to accept my litvish son, because as much as we are the same we are very different. Try to see it from our perspective.
Binyamin, you just succeeded in destroying the Bais HaMikdash again. All your Kinnos you may have said this sad day are gornisht.
Shame on you binyamin. people like you-You’re the problem. opinions like yours, make me quiver in disgust-
Ashkenaz schools accept sfardim. And sfardim accept ashkenazim. Plus there r many Lubavitch kids in Lakewood schools where do u think they all go?! we’re all Jews no matter what kind/type. We have to all get along. This is why the bais hamikdash was destroyed
Shayni and your neighbor you are so wrong! Us jews should be free to live near eachother and expect everyone to treat us like brothers and sisters. If there is someone not in school everyone should feel their pain and not start school for their own kids till its resolved! Whether its opening another class or everyone contributing some money… and how dare you say only do things the way we do it or you wont be accepted into our community! Thats why the bais hamikdush is not here! Everyone should stop looking at external things to judge someones level of yiddushkiet because its just that external and thats the opposite of true avodas hashem!
I am a Lakewood family that lived her all my life and my parents did so much for this town and know I’m am in the same situation as you I have two kids that I have to get in. The other thing is that a school close and know there are other kids that have two be placed and we are getting the same thing over and over no room.
We must all remember that Sinas Chinom cuts both ways.
To understand the situation, and in keeping a fair-minded atitude, I went to your online sites to see what that school may have meant, and, wow, was I shocked!
In my wildest dreams I would not have expected to see what you posted!
You write so innocently how you have pictures of brides. No, you have pictures of dvarim assurim b’rabim, videos of wild, mixed dancing with people partially undressed, etc., etc. It is absolutely shocking that you don’t see what is so horribly wrong!
Many people are photographers, but not many will participate in such vile, pritzudike weddings. And even the few who have (or claim to have) a heter, have the basic seichel not to publish such pritzus for all to see!
Remember, accusing schools of Sinas Chinam when they have every right to not admit someone whose standards are so incredibly different, is itself a tremendous display of Sinas Chinam toward the school owners.
You should really be making a Cheshbon Hanefesh and so should all the commenters above who jumped to conclusions.
May we be zoche to true ahavas Hashem, ahavas Yisroel, and ahavas Torah & Mitzvos.
I took a look myself. I see a photographer who posts mostly frum weddings. Im curious why the first thing you see its pritzudisk things. I see great shots of a chosson or kallah. As the author said in the article: are you saying that if a father does moder orthadox weddings, he must not be frum or his kids are not frum? Seriously on tishbav. Your the problem. Your attitude is the problem. The reason we are still in golus.
To be dan you l’kaf zchus, my guess is you looked at the Instagram page and not the website.
The reason I see pritzus right away is because the very FIRST video is beyond the pale!
(But even the Instagram page is far from Lakewood standards.)
i just checked out the site. i am appalled honestly. even if his clients are more modern there is no reason to post all the pictures. pictures of a bride are fine. family fine. but pics of couples in all kinds of provocative poses are totally pritzusdig and not necessary to put on a frum photographers website. taking those pics is questionable to begin with but posting them for the public to see????? sorry there is nothing to be dan lekaf zchus about.
This was Not Reb Aharons dream.
To 16….. on tishbav. REALLY!!!
So @mom according to you, a school/ community can have standards? I’m guess you can have standards only if @mom agrees to them….
Binyomin never said anything against Lubavitcher at all, he just said they have a different way in avodas Hashem then we do. Achdus doesn’t mean that all different types have to be together always. We can get along on our different paths of avofas Hashem.
The bottom line is, there are not enough spaces in school for all the children that apply. End of story. And thats why Rechnitzes speech was so off and insulting. Im sure if someone would stand up and sponsor a space for every single child in school there would be no more issues. Money is the problem and thats why schools arent popping up as quickly as grocery stores. Of course if there are only a set amnt of spaces the kids who fit into a school better will be chosen first. But dont blame it on sinas chinam. This is not about leaving out people that arent wanted. This is about not enough room for the ever growing kids. Open a school and stop complaining. Each school is opened privately. This is not like pu lic school. Fund it and you wont have a problem. There is no one to blame here. Open a school yourself and contribute to the solution but dont blame anyone. Youre just as much guilty as anyone else for the problem.
we need to wake up and realize that the growth in lakewood is unsustainable even Jackson and toms river are coming to Lakewood schools.. classes are beyond capacity.. schools cant take in more kids and there arent enough new schools esp girls high schools! stip ths building and stop the moving to houses when there arent schools for all the kids that currently live in Lakewood!
I feel your pain and it hurts me that you are going through this.
If I were you, I would seriously consider removing pictures of brides from my instagram account to satisfy the school.
As far as parnasa, it’s all from hashem, we need to do our hishtadlus.
I know I’m a big talker and cannot say for sure what I would have done if I were in your shoes. I do know that we need to make sacrifices for our children.
I hope it all works out for you and you find a local, appropriate school for your kids.
Every Jewish child deserves a Jewish education. Nothing else should matter. The school situation in this town is pathetic.I’m not lubavitch and not a photographer but I had a very difficult time getting my kids into schools. I was raised In lakewood and attended the schools here. My husband learned in bmg for 7 years but when it came to getting our kids into school, we were still not good enough (for no good reason….we r torahdik, frum, both parents work hard to make a living but not wealthy!) And told there was no room.
Bh my kids are high school age and we are past this but the pain is still there.
Call up Rechnitz and tell him to open a school that accepts everyone. Its as simple as that. Everyone has great suggestions and ways to blame the schools if you are SO concerned open a school with an open door policy.
Where does it say that Lakewood needs to accept anyone and everyone from the entire Jewish world?! Before moving here you need to do your reaserch and see if you can get into a school. Please don’t move here and then demand a seat on the bus when there are many families that have been living here for 20+ years and need a seat.
My heart goes out to all those children and families that struggle to get in to Elementary, Mesivta and High School.
We do have some serious issues and flaws, some could be fixed and some cant.
1)Space is a serious issue. BH there are new elementary schools opening every year. Not High schools.
2) Pick and Choose. Schools have to pick and choose their accepted student/families. Imagine your child’s school has an ODP “open door policy”, would you send there? Look how the schools in town with ODP looks like. Imagine you hear that the school you fought to get into as you heard such nice things about the families they accepts changed their acceptance process and its on a first come first serve basis. I bet you be the first to make an uproar or to pull out. In our communities BP Monsey Lkwd were we have 25,000+ children in the school system we cant have one school for all like many out of town communities have. We have smaller schools each one with its own taste and flavor. They wont survive if there is ODP. In plain English COMPETITION.
3)Your Choice:Know which school is your type and belong to.
You cant expect a school that mostly has Type A family’s to consider Type B. Like shidduchim it needs to be a match. Apply to the right choose. If you are have the option to settle on a school thats not your option #1 settle on it they all offer the same chinuch. Dont cry wolf and have everyone feel bad for you when you can choose option 2.
Please – in out of town communities where only one or two schools exist somehow they have an open door policy and it works. As Recnitz said its a problem unique to Lakewood. If we stoped the baseless hatred, sticking out our heads with an ego and took in kids who want to learn this would be stoppable.
OOT Communities aren’t growing nearly as quickly as Lakewood is so there is no comparison
Which OOT school is being asked to add new classes every year?
Exactly right. Instead of complaining and making speeches ,all we need is,somebody with deep pockets to open up a boys and girls elementary school ajd one girls high school that will have an open door policy and accept everybody as long as they are Shomer Shabbos . Then all the problems will be solved . We dont need speeches or complainers. We need one diet who has the money to open up these schools who will,accept everybody and will keep making more classes every year to keep up with the growth .
If u want to get involved in anyway in opening a girls high school then please contact me at Mutifel@gmail.com
Thanks
Having grown up in the Five Towns in a Modern Orthodox setting and having relatives who still live there, ZI csn appreciate thst there are amazing families avcross the spectrum of jewish observance. Im sure you are wonderful people who will bring up a beautiful mishpacha.
Having said that, I strongly disagree with the writers premise. If a Toldos Aron chosid from Meah Shearim, or a family of settlers from Efrat would move into Lakewood would they have right to expect to be accomodated? That the community (and that means you, me, and everyone else) should be expected to take responsibility for them? I think it would be very unfair to ask a school to take them, and i dont think you, me, and the other people who live in Lakewood (because the word “askanim” is very misleading- its guys like you and me who give up their time with their families and businesses to take care of the things that you, me, and every other person has a responsibility to deal with) have to take care of an individual who strongly identifies in practice and way of life with other communities, and moves into Lakewood knowing that the community they are part of is not represented in Lakewood.
Although Lakewood has become much broader than in the past, it still has a certain tzurah and the schhols largely adhere to this tzurah. Lubavitch chassidim have a different lifestyle and way of serving hashem. They learn, are makpid on choliv yisroel, and are wonderful ovdei hashem. I have the halacha sefer of a lubavitch chassid who lives in Crown Heights and it is a gem. It does not mean that it is a fit for a Lakewood school given tge current makeup of the students.
Then there is the issue of the photo studio. I’m sorry, but if I had a school and the person applying was a Rosh Chaburah in BMG I would likely not accept the family into a mossad. The pictures contain poses of intimate contact, suggestive poses, and exposed parts ofbthe body that go way beyond the knee or elbow, not to mention mixed dancing in a manner that any Lakewood school student would recoil from. I know its business, but its hard to imagine that children in that family would not be exposed to those images in some form. I wouldnt be comfortable taking a child whos 0arents have a TV that only they watch, either.
Im sure you are wonderful people, but that doesnt mean that its a good fit for Lakrewoods schools. Perhaps you would want to encourage others to move near you, and once you have critical mass, and prefferably a Rov who can guide your community, you can open a mossad that will be a beautiful makom chinuch in klal yisrael. Hatzlacha
I just want e/o here to know – there is a big prob of Sinas Chinum. Lakewood used to have a Day School, (I’m here many years) but it closed down due to lack of funds. So could anyone claim – our school is only for the Most Frum?!?
They refused to support the Day School & they took in kids from Fryeh homes!
The irony of using “when in Rome, do like Romans do” on tisha b’av…If they taught Jewish history in your school, I’m sure you would understand the inappropriateness of that argument on tisha b’av, or any other day for that matter
Yosef here thank you for all the support. Me and my wife are willing to pick back up the idea of a new elementary school for girls if enough interests exists. Please call 718.781.6405
Your photography is gorgeous. I’m quite sure you can earn a living in East or New Brunswick or even Cleveland and still give your children the education you want them to have.
The girls high schools lose their innocence when you can predict which girls will be the last ones left without a school. The one with our a brand name or money. The space issue gives the schools the upper hand to pick and choose. If it was purely a space issue they would make a lottery system. Once they pick and choose they loose their claim of innocence.
Its very sad that I do agree 100% with most of Rechnitz speech ( with a heart of gold that he has & the amount of chessed he does). He has full right to voice his opinion on a matter that is beyond words hurting so many.
I would just like to say one more fact, on a day of Tisha bav after being Dan l’kav zechus. THE MACHLA GOING ON HERE WITH SCHOOLS is fact #1. There’s another issue with some of the schools ( which we wont mention by name, hoping they no on their own) is the people who are in charge. How they talk to the innocent parents of a young child just trying to get an erlicha chinch. They are playing with neshamos like ping ping balls
The stories that we hear & some are even recorded what some Dean’s or principals can say are undesribable, the pain & embarrassment they are causing for so many. MUST STOP & STOP NOW. Maybe besides the so Vaad, before the Vaad. Certain schools which are run by people that care about one thing only their pride & image!! Should stop & think about עמו אנכי בצרה!! Shape up before the Almighty one & only Hashem who’s in CHARGE OF ALL even your school will just say shape out.ודי לחכימא ברמיזא.
If u want to get involved in opening a girls high school then contact me at Mutifel@gmail.com
Maybe a suggestion: Instead of getting involved with all of Israel problems גיוס etc etc. Sending out מוציא שם רע ושקר papers as (moderated). We should begin fixing up the problems in this beautiful עיר התורה. Which would probably be the best for us & the biggest zechus we can do for problems in Israel that some seem very concerned about…
@binyamin shame on you to bash chabad. When anyone travels -chabad are the ones your rely on. For Food, mibyanim, and often sleep. We have one GOD ! People like you who put their head in the sand, are the root of all evil. It’s the same people who have the school system so “in the box!” Shame on you!!!
How unified we all felt when Rubashkin was Set free! Did u turn your back and say, he’s chabad so I don’t care! A brother is a brother!
If u want to get involved in opening a girls high school then please contact me at Mutifel@gmail.com
1 the people coming from out of town are creating the problem for Lakewood resident’s that houses are going up
and a lack of room in schools………
But they are very welcome we love and welcome every jew
2. Anywere out of town schools are a business and tuitions covers the expenses plus profit for the owner if he wouldn’t accept kids someone else will and have competition to the school just like NPGS and GORMET GLAT and SEASONS there was never a lack of groceries in Lakewood and if you want to pay the full amount that your kids cost the school you WILL find a school for your kids and if you still can’t get in to the school of your choice maybe that school is not for you and you should look at other schools(and if a school told you it’s not because you are lubavicsh it’s maybe because they though you may rite a article saying that they didn’t expect you because you are lubavich) SCHOOLS IN LAKEWOOD ARE NOT A BUSINESS!!!
rechnitz had a total difrint problem he was saying that parents tell the schools what the standards should be and telling the schools what kids to except and what kids not to except.
3. If the school told you you are not frum for them then i believe it’s more then being a photographer and you except people to listen to you without hearing the school response from them (not from you) it’s unfair to do that and yes no school is perfect
by the way schools in Lakewood are not a community school it’s private ( the chasideshe community’s do have community school)
As someone who lived here in Lkwd for over 25 years and did NOT have a easy time getting my children into schools i still believe some parts of the story are missing
personally i had a Instagram account for business yet shut it down for one reason and one reason how can i do one thing and yet preach to my kids another
i have seen CJ account and his you tube videos and yes they can be offensive to some
however he seems to refuse the notion of either shutting his account or modifying it yet demands others to accept it
To the poster who writes,about the girls high schools losing their innocence .
You really make no sense . Are you aware that the older schools basically have close to 90 per cent of their enrollment just from siblings ,and many of those siblings are kids they really would not take if they were not siblings . So in essence ,they basically have an open foor policy on 90 percent or more of their applicants . Second of all , if you made a school with your private money ,would you turn away students that you think are more suited for your school in order to take problematic students . If you would, then why don’t you open such a high school and solve,all the space problems .
I dodnt think u need people with deep pockets if u get 20 businessman like myself to contribute 10k to 20k towards a new school that should be enough to get u going
you are an unbelievable photographer! I want to have my wedding again so you could take the pictures for me!
The Bais Hamikdash was burnt down because of sinaas chinam. Not lack of tznius. Shainy- I give you a bracha you should never have to know the pain of not getting a child into school. Amil Zola your welcome to move to those towns but I hope the Shidlers stay put. And the person who write about the lack of tznius on Mr Shidlers Instagram page, try being dan lcaf zchus. Maybe the brides aren’t Jewish. Maybe their his siblings and he put up the pictures so they wouldn’t be insulted. As I mentioned, the bais Hamikdash was destroyed NOT because of tznius. If you don’t want to look at not tznius pictures, don’t have an Instagram account because no matter how hard you try, you will see pritzus when you open the app.
Mr Shidler, I WISH I had a school and I WISH I had the means to open and run one because I could assure you, no child would be turned away.
Hashem Commanded we not be happy when all the mitzrim were drowned, do you really think He would Approve of just one precious Jewish neshama crying because he or she didn’t have a school to go to come September?
Stop cutting your shaitels an inch and stop measuring your skirts. Those Kabbalos should come second to treating every Yiddish’s neshama as if it’s your own child, your own parent and your own sibling.
As a parent who’s been down this road, I feel your pain. It’s years later and the fear, humiliation and helplessness I faced trying to get my child into school has scarred me. While my child is now flourishing, the aggravation I faced is a big challenge our family faced. While many of commentators above have rationales of how the community is not at fault, I must disagree. If everyone felt our pain, this problem would not be tolerated. Thank you to the letter writers for expressing this topic so beautifully, and may you have the strength and peace of mind to make the right decisions.
i would like to upload a know video from R’ Aharon Leib zt’l ,
Two askanim discussing with him similar issues to the one being discussed
here;
if the scoop sends me a link, i will be happy to send it
I feel terrible for you that you had no idea what you were getting into when moving to this town but I’m wondering, Would my children be accepted to a lubavitch school in Crown Heights?
This town was not meant to move to for the affordable housing and nice stores.
To all you silly people that never heard this saying “In Rome you do like the Romans” it’s just a metaphor not to be taken literally.
In Lakewood you do like the Lakewoodians. Better?
Why are you surprised that you got bitten by a shark when you went swimming in shark infested waters?
The Satmar and belz people moving into town are not expecting to get their kids into our schools, they have their own.
Perhaps you should have moved to a town like Monsey that has an established Lubavitcher Cheder or send your kids to Brunswick until one opens up here which ain’t happening anytime soon.
If you don’t want your kids to have a lubavitch education and are trying to defect to being litvish then I’m sorry but you picked the most wrong place for that.
This town was created to run for the most part on mainstream litvish/yeshivishe values and you may not like it but maybe try Denver or Miami which have very wonderful and welcoming communities.
From my understanding, Lakewood and Lubavitch are like Satmar and Belz if you know anything about chasidishe politics and no satmar boy will ever dream of getting into a belz school so instead of trying to “win the lottery” and changing the way things work here perhaps give your kids a more “realistic” chance and recognize that you made a mistake and either homeschool them or move out.
Unfortunately for you and fortunately for those that chose to live here for the right reasons, this town is what it is and as much as a lot of what goes on is wrong, it’s a brick wall and people should stop trying to run through it.
You created this problem for yourself by moving to a town that doesn’t cater to your style of life, I’m sorry sir but bad, bad move.
There’s a reason I don’t live in Fairlawn, Teaneck or New Brunswick it’s just not my type, sorry you weren’t more informed.
I apologize if anything I wrote was a bit harsh, I’m just trying to put things out in a straightforward and honest way.
I too am an “immigrant” but I did not move here for the gashmius (housing, fashion, etc.) quite the opposite. I knew exactly what I was facing and I calculated that my chances to succeed were high based on how I would fit in with the general population.
What was your calculation?
U clearly didn’t read the whole letter because he explained everything that u wrote in it
because of people like you the bais hamikdosh was choruv you have absolutely no feeling for another yid
The problem will be solved when all school owners, as a collective unit, will acknowledge that schools are a business unlike any other- they are a necessity that every Jewish child must have access to. If you want to run a business that does not carry such awesome responsibility, open up a shoe store. If every single one of the elementary and high school owners would be 100% on board and committed to providing a jewish education to every single child who needs it (whether they live in Lakewood for generations or they dropped in from Mars on a UFO last Friday) then we wouldn’t have this problem. So first, we must have this one point clarified- is every Jewish child entitled to be enrolled in a Jewish school? Any school owner who says no, or hems and haws, should be advised to seek another profession. Chinuch is not a business- it is a tremendous responsibility that not everyone can undertake. Every Jewish child is a priceless gem- and only those who truly understand that should be handling our diamonds.
As I see it there is nobody really running this town. No one person or vaad that has the final say. This is the root of the school problem. But if the rabonim banded together they could solve the problem. They just don’t see this as a priority. As it is they are overworked with no time to work on it.
I looked up your website & was shocked by the very pritzus photos being shown. That doesn’t mean your daughter doesn’t deserve a Jewish education but I certainly understand Why you may find yourself at the back of the line.
People are quick to condemn the local mosdos as though they are responsible to educate every family looking for cheaper housing in Lakewood. That is sinas chinom! The menahalim are not responsible to add more children to an oversized class & ruin it for everyone else. They are not responsible to add classes to already maxed out grades!
You need to think of your child’s chinuch before thinking about real estate prices.
That being said; I feel terrible about the predicament you’re in & hope you find a school soon for your children. I would not mind at all having Lubavitch children in my sons school, they are hailiger yidden.
WELL SAID !! LAKEWOOD LEADERS GET BUSY WITH OUR OWN ISSUES! NOT MAKING UP STORIES ABOUT GIYUS IN EY! LET THE EY GEDOLIM DEAL WITH THAT.
Why dont YOU open a school to handle all of Lakewoods Diamonds? Theres limited funds so all the comments of ” every child is entitled to…” all Lakewood school owners should…” sounds ridiculous. Again, talkung a lit but not being practical about the real issue. Again, trying to complain and blame about something that shouldnt be blamed on the askanim that started theschools. Maybe blame everyone else who just complains but didnt do anything to solve the problem.
The shamefulness and hate in some of these comments cloaked in being “reasonable ” are sick and vile and if you don’t understand what’s wrong with not excepting people into your town or Chas vashalom living in another town with people because they aren’t “your type ” and not allowing someone who’s parents have a different hashkafa than you do near your pure Heilig nose in the air kids, we have a long bitter golus ahead of us. I am completely sickened.
I commend re Scoop for posting this sensitive letter. No doubt, There is a tremendous amount of Sinas Chinam in our community, not just on the part of the mosdos leadership but on every one of us. Judging and comparing ones self and family To others is considered acceptable and normal.
Hashem should give us the strength to overcome this age old maaseh Satan, amen.
Why don’t we hear the same noise when someone gets turned down from a job application? Because we accept that someone else was more qualified or liked by the employer and we look elsewhere. We don’t cry for them to hire us. Yes, schools shouldn’t be run like a business bla bla bla but if I have 10 spots and 50 applications, why can’t I choose the ones that I want? Sorry, My school didn’t open as a community service but it does service the students that are enrolled. Yes, some communities have community schools that everyone is accepted to but that’s because there is only 1 school. If we have over 50 schools why can’t we service it’s individual clientele more precisely? If someone is not accepted to any school and they are willing to send to any school then that might warrant a serious look in the mirror. A lot of students are without a school bec. Their parents are not willing to settle for less than A+ sorry that’s not anyone else’s problem.
Muti Klein, it’s very simplistic to think that a school could get off it’s feet for 20k. There are schools in Lkwd that are better financed than 20k and their pay to teachers is in arrears. But back to the topic at hand, religious and social conformity are highly valued in Lkwd. This may not have been the best choice for you and your family.
Ruth, if I have a choice to live with people I can relate to, should I purposely go live in a community which doesn’t fit my style just for the sake of “achdus”. Stop the silliness.
Amil zola muti said 20k per person. U have no idea what my morals are and I happen to be a very normal yeshivisha background and having school problems as well. just becuase u might have all ur children in schools of ur choice does not mean there is no need for an additional school.I am hoping u will look into the mirror and exmaine what ur morals are as i am not sure they are better than any non yeshivisha family i find that people that love to judge other people are usually not that holy as they think they r
I think that we can all feel bad for you and your children. It’s very painful and causes immense instabilities which everyone can understand. However, the timing isn’t great. It is a time of איתרע מזלייהו and I’m sure that no one wants to cause a קיטרוג, especially today.
And now for the real question. Has anyone sat down with the school/s and discussed this particular case, or any other for that matter. I have done so many times, over the past twenty five years and would be willing to do so for this petitioner. I will be reaching out to you soon but please don’t think that all of our schools are run by inconsiderate people. Everyone has their own challenges, including principles, and not everyone will deal with them in the ways that we all see fit. There is much background music in every aspect of the subject at hand and I will be reaching out to this person shortly to see if we can be of any assistance. I know everyone means well, but please control the rhetoric. Nobody wins that way.
Seriously, Why are people moving out of Lakewood then, and expecting all the rules of a new town to change for them?
Then scream everyone is anti- Semitic? Most people moved by people they have things in common with. But its all supposed to change when a few people of any particular religion, race or gender move in. No its not your right.
After Speaking with many people today. I am clear. Working with some local Rabbis and we would like to start a Primary. One which accepts all. If you would like to know more feel free to contact me. 718.781.6405
Im just,wondering . All the people who say it is required for every school to add as many classes as necessary . How much have they donated to schools to help them add those classes ? It costs schools millions of dollars to build the classes and to pay for the teachers . Are you donating big money for that it is it just easier to bashmutz other people who are doing something while you are sitting back and complaining
I am distributing two tefillah cards l’ilui nishmas Mindel Rivka bas Naftali, a”h
The first tefillah was written by the Chofetz Chaim, and it asks Hashem to help us guard our mouth from speaking words of falsehood, strife, anger, hurt, embarrassment, etc. The second tefillah was written by R. Nosson, student of R’ Nachman of Breslov, and it asks Hashem to help us find the good in everyone and judge others favorably (this tefillah is found on the wall of Kever Rachel).
If anyone would like to receive these free laminated tefillah cards, please email dasigoldsmith2@gmail.com with your full name and address.
I am so proud of you Yosef
Boys school? Girls school?
Can u advertise the new school on whatss app and have people
Forward the info.
I agree with Ruth,the amount of holier than thou,pompous,blame yourself,who asked you to move here…is some of the sickest comments I have read in a long time.
I have lived here for nearly 25 years,and have watched the town that I loved and was drawn to as an idealistic bochur,change and lose its emes.
To respond to someone in intense pain, over feeling that he can’t provide his child with a frum education (due to being made to feel he is different,and not up to par,let’s be honest,being lubavitch hurt him,sad but true),and to respond with such callous,mean spirited nasty responses,(“binyomen,
” & “just wondering” I am specifically referring to you),what happened to the purity of our town that attracted me here?
I learned in BMG for 9 years,some of the best years of my life,(no yeshiva hater here),but I have concluded that one day there will be a terrible punishment paid by our community for not feeling the pain that so many hundreds of parents,and their children and teenagers experienced.
Instead of gasping at that assessment,or responding chas v’sholom,al tiftach peh,it’s still the 9 days etc.,I answer simply,it is so clear that Hashem will eventually bring midas,hadin on all of us,so if 1 person does something about this because of this statement,it will save us all from this terrible punishment,it is worth saying it.
It is sad,but I had conversations with a few mosdos owners ,in which I called them out on language they used about kids they didn’t accept,”garbage,p’soles,zeeburiyos”one of them runs one of my childrens mossados,I asked how does someone in chinuch talk like this?Why did you open a mossad,for yourself or to bring the d’var hashem to a new generation?We,all went to school with kids that were not from homes that were like ours,and B”h it worked out fine,some of those kids today are gedolai yisroel.
Sadly,they just gave lame answers,tried to blame the policy on the parents pressure,but I replied I don’t buy that.
Honestly,the only reason why I was not told,if you don’t like our policy you can leave us ,is because Hashem has made my business be matzliach,and I am considered a gvir,and that the mossad wants to get donations from mr.
The lakewood I joined 25 years ago was different.The town was frummer back then,much more wholesome,people had more yiras sh’mayim,a drive to do the rotzon hashem.
It sounds corny,but it’s true.Leaving kids in the street,letting teenagers wait till one month into school before begrudgingly accepting them,after thoroughly shaming them,would have been inconceivable.
That mindset seems to be gone,and if not gone,it’s definitely not a given anymore.
I would like to publish a book of hundreds of real life interviews with parents and teens,what the experience of the school and high school procees did to them,what they were told,what they actually felt like,what feelings still linger,what they have to say.
All names will be changed and some parts of their story will be changed to protect their identity.I want to have all of the people that write such callous comments, read at length,about the real people that are suffering.
If we don’t collectively do something,one day a future generation will hear a sad drasha about a glorious community filled with talmidei chachomin that came to a horrible end due to acting cruel and insensitive.
It happened before to a much larger group of B’nai Torah,the 24,000 talmidim of Reb Akiva,and it can happen again. The really scary thing is that Reb Ahron explains that the reason r’akiva’s talmidin had to be nifter for what was only an issue of bein adom l’chavairo,is because r’akiva was the mesoras hatorah as the rambam lists in the hakdane to mishna torah,therefore had his talmidim lived,torah to the next generation would be passed down by them,and the mesira could not go through people that acted badly to each other,isn’t that the scariest thing?
Call me naive,I believe all this stuff.I believe r’ahron.I believe we are witnessing a communal disregard for hundreds of people,every year.I believe hashem is patient,he waits and gives us many chances to do tshuva and fix our mistakes.
But I believe he does not wait forever,at a certain point midas hadin is done.What will happen then,another kinah will be written about a commnity that once was?
Lakewood may be different from out of town or other places but the concept that my kid cant be with a kid that has dif hashkafos is just wild to me. Wild.
I went to school at kindergarten and first grade with boys in my class. Gasp.
I then had only girls in my class but my class ranged from yeshivish, lubavitch, israeli, sefardy, modern orthodox, russian with not frum parents, russian with frum parents, homes with dogs, homes with TVs, homes that would never ever ever allow these things, girls that had a parent that went OFF and were totally mechalel shabbos.
But guess what???
Not only did I come out of my schooling with strong healthy hashkafos, I am raising a torahdik family with children that BH have alove of torah, a love of learning, a love of Hashem… and most importantly a love of ALL yidden.
Can you imagine??
I didn’t become messed up or not frum/yeshivish because I had kids from different backgrounds. Instead I watched as some of the most unlikely children grew in their yiddeshkeit and became frummer raising beautiful torah family themselves.
Shocker. I know.
P.s. some of the worst stuff I learned over the years came from the frummest of kids frummest of families.
P.p.s. some of the worst cases off the derech whether my friends or ppl I just knew came from the most torahdik unexposed homes of kids that went to schools with only their type and no other “chance” of influence.
P.p.p.s I think the mosdos in Lakewood actually do a phenomenal job teaching our children. I am very happy with my childrens chinuch. Though I feel that no matter how much you teach ahavas yisroel…
It is a learned from role modeling trait and unfortunately as we see in the comments and out of comments that we are not ready as people to accept each other’s differences and this is just so heart breaking. May moshiach come soon.
Yosef,
It is definitely true that getting kids into school is very difficult, some schools simply do not have the space, and others are too focused on the parent body having to fit into a very narrow box, which is sad and unfortunate.
However, I think that in your case, you may just be too open minded/modern for the existing Lakewood schools, based on the fact that you are ok posting photos on your professional sites that are definitely far from Lakewood standards. So yes, I think that you have come to the right decision to open a new school for other people like you, because there are none in Lakewood. Looking around town, I see many other people who are most probably frum and wonderful but are definitely more modern and open minded, and would benefit from this type of school. I wish you the best of luck. (PS: your photos are stunning!)
Please ask the original poster if by any chance they were offered several schools by the Vaad,and they were not willing to send to those schools . Pleas answer honestly .
The a medrish that says the way eisevs malach was able to hit yaakov avinu even though he was thinking AN OYD MALNDO was to show him the zarous of klal yeisroel The medrish says he showed him everything
both chorbens …everything even the holocaust but didt bother our father Yaakov avinu INTILL….he showed him the leaders of klas yisroil before maschach comes and medresh says how the leaders really did everything for themselves and not for klal yesroel then he lost kavana and then he was open to be hit from the malach
I am working on forming a board of a wide range of people to open a girls high school bh the response was very positive. Please contact me at Mutifel@gmail.com if intrested.
Yes this is a space problem and I want to make it clear that it’s only getting worse. I could not find a spot for my 4 year old in playgroup until July. There are just not enough morahs anymore. The dentist is booked through November, the pediatrician is booked through to 2019. The infrastructure in this town is just not enough anymore.
I agree that a new school needs to open.
But instead of being a ‘one type’ school as all the schools here become, I think we need to have a school that mirrors the out of town schools where it really doesnt matter what type you are!
One goal in mind to learn and grow in torah and ahavas Yisrael. I would even name the school Ahavas Yisrael!
Its great to start with a primary but if its successful should really try to establish all grades because there are people moving in right and left and the town really needs to accommodate all grades ASAP.
And while policies will need to be maintained to keep order and yiddeshkeit, there should be an open door policy for anyone that wants to raise kids in a Torah atmosphere.
None of this ‘you wont make it in our school’ business.
How many rabbeim and moros wouldnt be here today ifntheir parents werent allowed to send them to the schools available.
Muti Klein it is so beautiful and courageous of you to step up to the plate.
Thank you!
Wishing you much Hatzlacha and please open a s hool that does not discriminate.
May Hashem bless your efforts!
@DifferentHashkafos
So well written and conceptually brilliant!!
Id like to commend both the letter writer and Muti for working hard to be a solution to the problem. You should both have a lot of hatzlocho! There is a school in town -which I happen to send my kids to- which was started by someone in the same situation and in only 3 years it has already become one of the more popular schools in town. The teachers are amazing and the school is run better than anything I’ve ever seen. However, you must keep in mind that as much as it is a beautiful and wonderfully nice thing to do, accepting anyone and everyone is not going to fix the problem, in fact it will only make it worse. (There’s a reason why the school you got a letter from is not opening this Sept. he is a tzaddik yesod olam but if you accept anyone that walks through your door then no one will seek your school for their children and it will turn into a zoo with what remaining students you have remaining). Mark my words and don’t be foolish. We definitely need more schools but no one needs to accept everybody.
Barbara, I made no mention of you, nor did I comment on anyones morals. Please read for comprehension. Re Muti’s post: nothing indicated that the $20k was per student. I’m assuming he is a grown man and can speak for himself. I will again reiterate, schools are expensive, most parents in Lkwd can’t afford to pay full tuition. Making a successful educational institution is far more complicated then the Andy Hardy concept of ‘My uncle has a barn, let’s put on a show’. Just how many schools in Lkwd closed in the last 12 months?
I am stunned and sickened reading the responses to this persons deep pain.As parents,if you can’t provide your child a frum education,in a town that has over 25,000 children in k-12,the pain is understandably huge.
To respond so callously and cruel,as some did,makes me wonder what happened to the town I joined 25 years ago that was so pure and wholesome(“Binyomen” and “just wondering”,your comments are simply disgusting).
The town was different 25 years ago.There was much more yiras sh’mayim and a drive to fulfill the rotzon hashem.To hurt people so cruelly,and allow hundreds of parents annually to be tortured ,told nasty comments,and allow teenagers going into high school to wait a month or more into the new year before accepting them,shaming and scarring them,would have been inconceivable at that time.
All of us that are living in this community that are witnessing this terrible shameful situation will be held accountable in Sh’mayim one day,and asked”Why were you not pained by all of these terrible stories”?”Did you speak up and protest?
I have discussed with owners of Mossdos the common practice of referring to children the school rejects,or would rather not apply,as”p’soles,garbage,z’eeburyos,sheerayim,fill in the blank.These are frum children,our parents and grandparents generation would never talk that way.When I tried discussing this with owners of my childrens Mossdos,they would backtrack,say that they misspoke,and then blame the parents of the school for not accepting children,or give the standard excuse “the system can”t deal with the numbers”.
I don’t accept either answer.You don’t open a school unless you want to spread the D’var Hashem,not to feel good about yourself that so and so thinks your good enough to send his kid to your mossad.
The standard answer about growth,is only an answer if you don’t really care if children have a school,then you can hide behind statistics.Not long ago a generation built many schools from scratch,with a lot less resources having been almost all immigrants,and when their children married and had children(the grandchildren of the survivors,starting around 1970)the percentage increase over the previous generation was larger than our current generation over the previous one(while there are more chidren today,the percentage of growth increase is not as large,since they started with a much smaller number),and they still managed to provide enough schools to absorb everyone.
The difference was that those Mossdos were opened to spread the D’var Hashem,and it was a given that chinuch habonim V’habonos was kodesh k’doshim.so you just absorb more.
I would like to publish a book with hundreds of interviews with parents and teenagers that went through this brutal,shameful,and scarring process,and have them tell us all(protecting their identities)what the process was like for them,all the hurtful cruel comments they were told,the scars that never went away,and what they would like to tell all of us.
What has been going on in our town is a shameful terrible situation,where hundreds of parents and teenagers are treated with no basic dignity,and made to feel like dirt.There will be a price to pay one day for all this deep pain.All of us that go about our lives uncaring for another Yids deep pain,will one day have to answer for this.
It is better to say this,if it may push more people to speak up about this tragedy,rather saying Chas v’sholom,Al tiftach P’eh.
Reb Ahron explains that the reason R’akiva’s talmidim needed to be nifter for an aveira of B’ain adom l’chavairo,was because the Rambam explains that R’Akiva was part of the mesorah,and therefore his talmidim would have been been the ones to pass the Torah to the next dor,and the Torah could not be passed on by people that were lacking in B’ain Adom L’chavairo,so they needed to be niftor,so that the mesorah would not go through them.This is quite frightening.Because while our town has many B’nai Torah,Rabbonom,marbitzei Torah,R’Akiva had 24,000 talmidim,that were wiped out,and the fact that they were in the chain of the mesorah made their lack of bain adom lchavairo something that could not be overlooked.
So one day a future generation can read about an illustrious community that was filled with Talmidei Chachomim,that was destroyed,and when Darshonim will speak about that time,and all the good that that community stood for,it will be mentioned that some in that Dor said that the tragedy was because they did not care about making sure all children had a chance at having a chinuch,and for intensely shaming each other,and the cries when up to the kisai Hakovod,and made a huge kitrug,and due to this reason,Hakodosh Boruch Hu wiped out that glorious K’hila.
How do we know that won’t be the result of this terrible situation?I may be naive,but I believe R’Ahron,and believe the same can happen again.So even though these are terrible things,it’s worth speaking about if we can help avoid it.
If we would know that due to the current situation a kitrug has been brought against the community,and if tshuva and tikun for the future is not done,there will be a frightening midas hadin on the community,does anyone think that the problem would no longer be solvable?
Hashem has a lot of patience,and he gives us time to do Tshuva,but he doesn’t wait forever.There are literally hundreds of people a year that are getting badly treated,and humiliated.It is time this stopped,or one day day we may have another Kinah to say.
@ amil Zola – read miri’s comment again. He says he wants to put together 20 business men who will each give 10k-20k towards starting a school. That does not mean 20k from one person not does it mean 20k for each child.
There are a few schools that are less exclusive and more open to a variety of type of families not strictly part of the broader yeshiva Lakewood cut . I suggest you go for those schools as well . Some are just new and some are established but just cater to a more diverse crowd .
Please don’t get stuck on a few select schools , be open to newer abs or broader schools
Dear Yossef, I applaud your courage in writing this letter and putting your name on it. We all support you. I grew up in Lakewood and back in the day every Jewish child was allowed a Jewish education. No matter if the parents were financially able to support it or of their level of religious beliefs. Every child was placed. The argument being made by others that one should make sure they have a school prior to settling in our wonderful town, Is a flawed concept the bottom line is we are now responsible to insure every kid has an opportunity to a yeshiva education regardless of the patents situations. It is our responsibility period. All these suggestions and advice is nice but missing the point it is now all of our’s responsibility to insure the kids are placed in yeshivas its the fiber of our religion call kol yisroel aravim. We must stop giving excuses. Someone mentioned we should band together and refuse to send our kids to school till every single child has a school like rechnitz said. You wouldn’t want your kid to feel rejected so why allow another Jewish soul to feel that pain? Again there are situations where parents insist on sending to specific schools however this case seems he is willing to go to any school. We have wonderful people in this town and it is my hope they will heed the call and make this right!
Try Shalom Torah in Marlboro, great yeshiva that will be happy to accept you!!
Hatzlacha to everyone that will be starting new schools in Lakewood!
It is very much needed and appreciated. By showing your ahavas Yisrael and excepting every child that needs a school, you will see tremendous siyata dishmayah. Kol hakavod!
Yisroel Ahava, Please indicate exactly what I wrote that was not acceptable. Keep in mind that this is a public forum and all opinions are welcomed. I was just stating my opinion and you may state your own which I personally think is ridiculous. I hope the letter writer didn’t also wrongly assume that everyone is going to respond with the most loving sympathy. Why can I not criticize him if he is criticizing my town? I have feelings too.
To all of the commenters who have proposed that the schools should be more open, have you put pressure on your administration to open the doors wider? Are you ok with the school taking in anyone as long as they are Shomer Shabbos?
Melinda, are you a bitter resident from Jackson or Toms River. You sound so silly.
I just heard from my daughter of a few good frum girls trying to switch high schools for the upcoming school year and they are going through a rough time.I wish them Hatzlocha.I can only imagine how hard it really is for the parents and a the grown up teenage girls after reading this letter.
This letter is only half the story. Interestingly enough, collive, the chabad shluchim website, which ran the letter as well, had scores of comments, and the chabad shluchim commenting were sypathetic to the Lakewood mosdos, and sided almost unanimously with the Lakewood schools point of view. It was obvious to them that a chabad chossids child belongs in a mossad that educates according to their mesorah, and it is unrealistic to expect such a child to be a fit for a mainstream Lakewood school. In fact, several comments referenced an article that the same website ran in 2006 about the shinders upcoming move to Lakewood. In the article and subsequent comments which ran at that time, many shluchim had urged the Shidlers to choose from several chabad community options that would be a fit for them, rather than Lakewood, since there would be issues getting the children into school. My shidler was quoted in the article as saying that the other options were unappealing since one would involve driving 20 minutes for a slice of pizza, and Lakewood offered the best bang for ones buck when it came to housing. There was also a differing viewpoint on the school situation in lakewood;a shaliach who lived in Lakewood who was quoted in the article disagreed and stated that every chabad shliach within a 50 mile radius of Lakewood was sending to Lakewood schools where they were warmly accepted and felt no different than the other children. It seems that Mr Shidler was unfortunately given incorrect guidance by this shaliach and the advice of the many other shluchim ultimately proved correct.
O how painful this is to read . I am a girl that just graduated and went through this terrible terrible experience of rejection. I was b”h places into a school the night before. When I write placed I mean it…. I come from a good Frum solid family and still experienced that pain of rejection. My father is a well known member of Lakewood and if I would tell you my name you will all I’m sure know him. I tried fir s few high schools that would be fit fir me and that obviously didn’t work out so I ended up settling fir a school that didn’t have such strong hashkafos like me the night before school and B”h I loved high school and gained so much I came out as a girl with much stronger hashkafos because I saw first hand what people more exposed would do and I realized in my own that I didn’t want that. From the beginning I can tell you that yes being rejected is super painful and st the end of the day as painful as it is I understood and respected that there is not enough room and some people have to experience it and I was just the “lucky” girl to have gone through it. However, the way that a school did it was unnexceptable and that ya where extra unnecessary pain came from. To all those going through this yes it’s painful!!! Don’t let the school get pleasure from you being so wanting and begging for them. Just take a school that may be less and if the family hashkafos are strong and in a healthy I am sure that your child will come out amazing m! I know because I have experienced this painful situation and when I look at who I became I just want to go back to those schools and say haha I took what you gave me and just grew from it. Hatzlacha to you all!!!! I am daveninkng that this all works out for everyone m!
beautifully written and kol hakavod to you for coming out stronger and better. However, schools don’t get pleasure from turning ppl away. the ones in charge are under tremendous stress and pressure and have a hard time sleeping at night.
Also, don’t let your child go through extra pain by coming to high school late. I have a friend that weighted fir a certain school abs throughout high school she always felt different from those two weeks that she was not in school.
P.s. my friend who went through this that write the letter dues not have internet she was by my house and I showered her this letter and she used my phone to write the letter. I just want to testify now what a great girl she is and she truly changed my grade. Everyone respected her and her standards
Please contact me at Mutifel@gmail.com if you are intrested in getting involved with a new girls high school, bh the response was very positive.
it must be terribly painful indeed , and I cant g-d forbid minimize your problem at hand. But fact is, there are different style schools, for example Satmar would never accept my big boy, after all he shaves, and satmar holds its a issue doiraisah etc..if a school has certain guidelines or hashkafa outlooks it doesn’t mean you or the school are bad, it just means its not the school for you, I hope you find the appropriate school quickly with siata dishmaya
same story just another school year. I went thru this parsha 6 years ago! as a child who lived in lakewood my entire life I applied to multiple schools only to be rejected with the same lame excuses, some schools did not even have the guts to return our calls. the Amazing Vaad helped “place” us in a school but after a year and with other children getting ready to enter the school system we decided to pick up and move out of the town.
In response to “Just Wondering”
Here are a few of your thoughts that I found unacceptable (I deleted four other stronger descriptions,as it isn’t helpful to keep ratcheting it up),
1.”when you swim with the sharks you get bitten by a shark”,my town is,not shark infested waters,that takes a bite out of people,we have tzar for other yiden,and want the best for them and their families.
2.”If I would send my children to lubavitch would they be accepted?”Well that question can be answered easilly,chabad has schools all over the U.S. where non chabad children are welcomed,not just kiruv,but mainstream frum families,and I have no doubt the same would apply in crown heights
3.”this yoen was established for mainstream litvish families”,what does “mainstteam” mean?Ate you mainstream?are you the standatd Reb Ahron was trying to create?Ot are you part if the Bagaboo Kolel culture?You state”I am sn immigrant to Lakewood,buy I did not come here for Gashmius”,since I predate you in Lakewood, are you up to my “standards?”I learned every min. I had till I left Kolel in my 30’s,till today I give shiurim and write chidushim all the time,are you on my level?can I speak to you in learning in most of shas?What kinds of hanhagos of kedusha do you practice?are you “mainstream”enough for me?
Keep building. someone should make a song. build build build