1. I’m a single boy. I feel your pain. I hope the right one comes soon for you. Keep davening!!

   • hey you never know maybe tls will get a third

2. Stop relying on shadchonim…bogus. baloney. Do (or have your parents) your own hishtadlus.

   Iy”H the right tzadik will come along very soon.

   Behatzlocha

   • Very mean comment. Do you believe the family is just sitting back and waiting for someone to call? They are looking for a shidduch actively. However, they are getting minimal interest in this young lady.

3. sign up to a dating sites.. dont give up. ask ur rov if its better to go on dating sites. its very hard. im a guy and a well known rebbi said its much harder 4 a guy not to be married then a girl… and biggest yisssurim 4 a guy is not being married… im not saying its not hard 4 girls. we r all in the same boat. u could daven 4 a friend whos single and she davens 4 u

   • Rav Elya Ber highlighted that we set ourselves up in this mess….. no amount of davening will help the 15% lack of Bochurim. Yes davening is of utmost importance but lowering the age gap is more important. To the mothers of boys that are keeping them in Israel till they are 24 and then put them in a dark freezer for a few months. Please be aware you will also feel the same pain as this letter writer when your own daughter is in Shidduchim. The Shidduch morass by the Yeshivish community in America is a FAILURE. Soon people are going to ask “and what do the Gedolim say”?? We all read from the last post of TLS the letter signed by all the Gedolim. We have to REALLY fix this broken system. It is doable. Change can be painful….. reading this letter is more painful

   • Really? A Rebbi said this? Can you let us know which Rebbi? I would appreciate a deeper understanding of this so I can better relate.

     • At this point, spreading awareness of the magnitude of the problem might be the best hishtadlus that can be done. We are an Am Kshei Oref, which is why unless we recognize the crisis, our society won’t change the status quo. (There are many benefits to our refusal to change our ways of life as well) I commend the Lakewood Scoop for spreading this awareness which will Bez”H lead to real change. I urge the single girls out there & their parents to flood every Frum publication with weekly letters so that this remains a front burner issue. Ignore all the soothsayers downplaying this by quoting Torah sources which are irrelevant to the Tzoras bnos Yisroel we are now facing. It will take tremendous pressure on the current system for it to buckle & change. Let’s raise the pressure on every level until real change occurs! Thank you again TLS.

       • Flooding the newspapers with letters is a great idea but what really needs to happen is for people to call the roshei yeshiva and let them know what is going on and if you cant call ask your rov to call. The Roshei Yeshiva both old and young are the only ones who can do anything. PLEASE lets ALL do that. Even if you do not have a daughter or sister in shidduchm today you should still do it for your neighbor or for yourself down the line. This situation will continue to spiral totally out of control unless we do something now theefoe we cant afford to wait another moment.
         Thank you TLS for doing your part in creating awareness and PLEASE keep it up constantly.

4. Are there only very few types of bnei yisroel that you consider going on a date with??

   • You are a very inconsiderate person. Why do you assume she only wants to go out with a specific boy from a specific family? She wants a jewish boy that believes in Hashem.

5. I went with my 3 daughters to shaddchnim meeting. Not one shiddch was read from all these meetings. It’s hishtadlus. All sheduchim came from other places. From left field. Some didn’t get read for over a year. It’s very difficult. But BH all are married. It takes nerves of steel. And LOTS OF DAVINING

   • You are lucky that your three daughters found Shidduchim. Of course davening is the way to go. We all know that when it comes to a persons Parnassa Hishtadlus must be made even for the lucky Klei Kodesh who are in Kollel or Rabbeim. Unfortunately this letter writer is a victim of a very corroded Litvish AMERICAN Shidduch system. This doesn’t exist in Israel or by the Chassidim. Besides the Gedoli HaDor, Rav Elyashiv, Rav Shteinman, Rav Chaim Kanievsky and Rav Shmuel Auerbach and of course our very own Rav Elya Ber who screamed about this as the biggest Tzara of Klal Yisrael…….. the please of our Gedolim and our dear Bnos Yisrael keeps on getting met by a deafening inaction. If you are a Litvish person and don’t highlight to all your friends, neighbors, Rabbeim the problem going on in our midst, this will affect your own daughters and nieces and family members. WE HAVE TO MAKE REAL CHANGES

6. Possibly the most real and best letter posted on TLS regarding Shidduchim.

   You have done what must be done and that is make this real. Because it is real. The pain of being single is unbearable. It is our voice that needs to be heard. Our pain that needs to be understood.

   Probably there will be a bunch of comments on your letter from all the brilliant minds who all know what the solution is and our problems are. Age, pickiness, dating coaches, overloaded shadchanim and all the rest of these great minds who have done so much research and KNOW what our problem is. Ignore them. Don’t be upset or care about those comments because they are meaningless and will do nothing for you and me.

   What will help us is when people start hearing US and talking to us and taking what we say as the solution. And you said it so well. All we want is for people to please just think of ideas and suggest them with no strings attached or conditions or opinions. If we don’t think your idea is best for us please allow us that earned right and just keep thinking about us. Please don’t label us or lecture us or attack us or move on from us because you think we have a problem. I promise you we so desperately want to be married and build our own families. We are good people that are dealing with a very difficult and painful nesayon.

   IYH we will all be benched soon with our zivug. Hashem loves us and he will send the right shaliach to bring our match to us. Pesach is so hard for us but we smile and do our best. This is the time of geula and not just for the arrival of Moshiach but for each personal geula as well.

   Thanks for your beautiful letter

7. I am speechless I have tears in my eyes reading your letter. You broke my heart!!

   I have nothing to say.

   • I do have what to say. Listen to our Gedolim and BRING THE BOCHURIM YOUNGER to the United States and ABOLISH THE FREEZER.

8. Start paying shadchanim by the hour and many more dates and marriages will come about

   • If you pay every Shadchan one million dollars for each Shidduch the make it won’t solve the 15%_20% age gap. We have to deal with this catastrophe with true changes. Whitewashing it by throwing money to Shadchanim won’t help at all.
     Also how are Shadchanim supposed to redt Shidduchim if Bochurim are being put into a freezer?? We all see a ton of Shidduchim happen when the freezer opens up. If there is a freezer why isn’t it till Chanuka

   • I know quite a few shadchanim in the main strean yeshiva world. They don’t have time for family or friends because they spend 24/7 reading shidduchim. Sometimes it’s dangerous for them to be driving because they are otherwise occupied. Some Rabbanim can’t help but themselves from thinking in learning when maybe according to Halacha they shouldn’t. Same with shadchanim.

   • The writer is 100% correct. Ask your LOR but I personally would avoid supporting any instution that is involved in perpetuating this horrible situation. Years ago we didnt understand the issue but now the math has been clearly explained we need to react and effect change in the system. Also we can’t each blame the other one but must all do what is necessary even if it is uncomfortable and even if it will not financially ne the best thing.

   • This comment is so dumb! Shadchanim are not god, (moderated) only goes for big money and maybe if hes lucky makes 30 shidduchem a year, that percentage is so low! Shidduchem come from hashem and the shleiach 90% of time is from family,friends etc. Not shadchanim! You have to start davining! Not paying shadchanim by the hour.

9. I, and I am sure many feel your pain and want to help. I propose that we begin hosting in a local hall under the auspices of a recognized Rov meet and greet meetings. The meetings should be divided by age groups. The aforementioned would be cost effective and will have הצלחה as it will be a כינוס לשם שמים. I personally am offering my organizational skills to make this a reality. Please share your thoughts on my proposal.

   (TLS- has my email and is respectfully requested to help facilitate, should their be intrest in this initiative)

   • Excellent idea! I’m all for it. Please keep me posted. Going to these conversations, dinners etc.. is very costly and has not proven to be very effective.

     • Meet and greet. Just curious, are you an older single and thats why you can feel my pain and why you are offering your suggestion?

       Basically you are proposing what’s been around for many years called speed dating. I have been to these and for me they were extremely uncomfortable. I stopped going when I couldn’t find any Rabbonim in support of this idea. I also stopped sending my picture with a resume for the same reason – couldn’t find and Rabbonim who said it was permissible (and I personally happened to have felt so cheap that someone was going to decide if I was worth their time or their sons time based on a picture)

       • I happen to be divorced and therefore although the level of pain is not comparable I can relate to your pain.

         I actually just got off the phone with a respected Rov who is also a posek who supported the idea. I believe if done appropriately it can meet with much siyata dshmaya.

         TLS has my permission to share my contact information should you feel a conversation would help the initiative.

10. i literally just read read your letter sitting on my couch and cried. I’m married with 5 kids kn”h and cant imagine what going two years with no date feels like. it must feel like no hope, like no light, like not even a tunnel to look down and dream of a light. All i can say is in these days of pesach keep your emunah strong. don’t stop believing. smile when you can and just keep climbing. The time is now. Hashem cares about every one of you no Jew is left behind and iyh He will shine a little light on all the singles who need a yeshuah. With the giulah iyh we will see all the pain wiped away forever as we go to Yerushalayim forever one.

    • Bh you are married with 5 kids. Thanks for sharing. Makes us singles feel much better that you understand that for us we feel like there’s no hope, no light and not even a tunnel. Thanks for really feeling it for us.

    • Thanks for the kind words. Can I implore you to make a phone call om behalf of a single aside from advising us how to behave?

11. Hi sorry this is definitely rough to realize but also finding a partner doesn’t make you happy- you have to find happiness within yourself. There is a lot more to this world than getting married – whether that’s you learning a new Sefer on your own or with friends, listening to podcasts, going on trips, etc. Finding meaning and purpose and connecting to Hashem on your own is paramount to finding happiness versus saying things like “waiting for a husband to usher them into the world of marriage.” If you aren’t happy when you are single being married won’t change that.

    Good luck and I hope you find a husband soon but you also have to live in the moment.

12. a letter to melt away the icicles of an outdated freezer.

13. Wonderful world of marriage. Halevai.

14. Send me your resume through the scoop want to help you Iyh find the right one

15. Food for thought:
    Maybe this will work to ease up a little bit the Shidduch problem.
    I was thinking that maybe if a person tries to be super careful in one simple Mitzvah or to be careful in of the 39
    מלאכות of Shabbos.
    As an example let us pick carrying on Shabbos.
    I know that there are many
    Eiruvin all over.
    Find out the name of the Rav who gives the Hechsher to that Eiruv.
    If you feel comfortable to lend him a nice amount of money because you really trust him that he will pay you back in the exact manner that you originally agreed upon. He will not play games. He is a super honest Rav. Then by all means, please carry in his Eiruv.
    Maybe a person can daven to Hashem and ask,
    In the merit of me being extra careful when it comes to carrying on Shabbos, please Hashem help me to find a good Shidduch, help me to get married quickly, please Hashem.
    Please feel free to ask your Rav about this advice.
    He may agree that it is a good idea or he may change something a little bit.

16. According to (moderated) there are 2200 single girls today in lakewood over 22

17. As the lubavitch rebbe zatzl once screamed in. A bit of frustration KER A VELT,….Heint.!!

    • Can you please translate?

18. I started shidduchim when I was 19, and didn’t get married until I was 26. In hindsight, it all makes sense because my husband and I never would’ve ended up marrying each other if we had met when we were younger, however, you never forget the pain of waiting. I wish there was more that I could do practically besides for sharing your pain, but know that I am. I cried while reading this. I know it doesn’t feel this way, but you are not alone.

    The one bit of practical advice that I would give you is to *stop sitting and waiting*. It was controversial in my family that I decided to stop sitting at the window with a tehillim for my bashert to come riding down my street on a white horse while a bas kol trumpeted from the heavens, but it was the best decision I ever made in my life. I’m not saying, don’t daven, I’m not saying don’t do your hishtadlus, but don’t let life pass by as you wait. I traveled the world. I took classes for fun. I developed new hobbies. I learned to love myself and my life. And then, when the time was finally bashert, I met my husband. And I look back at all the adventures I had while I was single fondly, especially when I get enveloped in the daily monotonous parts of life that with raising your family and working.

    I wish you clarity, menuchas hanefesh, and to meet your bashert in the right time.

    • THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. This is the best of the best comments. I totally agree with you and you have made me feel happier knowing I am not alone when I feel that as long as I am not married I can still live life and enjoy life. Really, thank you so so so much for posting this. You made my day. Hopefully other older girls will do this. It really helps to live life.

19. I think that every Chatan and Kallah should make it a top priority to make at least one shidduch. By pass parents if need be. Many parents are rejecting girls because their parents can’t provide support. It’s ok for a young man to go to work after marriage. He’s promising that in his kesuva. I laugh every time I go to a “Kollel” wedding. Parents who demand money are creating the shidduch crisis.

    • Saying make a shidduch like it’s making a scrambled egg is unfair to the world around you. How about trying to read a shidduch?

20. To the letter writer, I know how painful it must be to still be single. Sometimes Hashem does things we don’t understand, yet ultimately everything is for the good of our pure souls. Please thank Hashem every day that you are single and seek to take advantage of this. You can read, go to shul, you can work full time, you can do many things married woman can’t. Please accept Hashem’s will. When you do his will he will do yours. Accept and thank Hashem and feel gratitude for all you do have. Focus on that and not what is missing. Hashem is always taking care of you. Don’t worry. Your life is perfect at any given moment — exactly as it should be….

    • Do people actually believe this? If I go home now and start cutting off my kids’ fingers for the the fun of it and then kill my neighbors and light all their houses’ on fire… is my life perfect at that moment and is Hashem taking care of me? Or am I actively making dumb choices and ruining my life and the lives of others and He is allowing this because of bederech sheadam rotzeh lelech? There a bunch of people who are passing on their zivug because of their own stupidity and lusting for money or yichus or honor. That is not part of His plan. We are actively ruining His plans with our foolishness and then we say He will fix it and He is taking care of it. He already did everything and set it up and we messed it all up because of superficiality, our need to keep up with Schwartzes, our need to accepted, our quests for more money and honor and fame and other gashmius and we ruined our chances for our or our children to get married after He was already mezaveg the zevugim. If we just get out of His way and open ourselves up to His plan then the shidduch crisis will be solved but that ain’t happening anytime soon seeing as how we all think we know everything and we know what He wants and wouldn’t you know it happens to be exactly what I want: lots of money up front and such and such level of status and to hear special I am and my child is the greatest child that has ever existed- other than maybe Moshe Rabbeinu- maybe.

      • This last comment should be taken down. It’s not appropriate, and not sensitive to many sincere, innocent, people suffering from the tzarah.

        From the comment:
        “Do people actually believe this?”
        Yes, it’s called being a Jew. We believe in Hashgacha pratis.
        This comment is against the basics of emunah in hashgacha pratis. True a person can’t actively do a wrong action and while doing it say “this is Hashem’s will”. The person doing the action will get punished. That’s for the person that is doing the wrong action. However, no one can affect another person with their wrong action, unless it is the will of Hashem that the other person should be effected in that specific way. That is the basics of emunah in hashgacha pratis, which is necessary to be (as the Rambam says) considered to be part of the Jewish nation.
        Yes, we believe that.
        There are many suffering from the shidduch challenge who have done nothing wrong (in regards to being picky, or anything else referred to in the comment). To them it IS without a doubt 100% hashgacha pratis and the challenge they are going through IS Hashem’s will.
        Of course they need to keep doing their hishtadlus, but they also can (according to their level at the time) benefit from accepting that this IS Hashem’s will, and it is ultimately the best and necessary path for them to go through. And BE”H the pain will end quickly, and they will find their bashert, and will continue to serve Hashem, and reach their tafkid in this world.

        Paroh ofcouse got punished for making terrible choices and causing pain to the yidden. However, for the yidden themselves ofcouse it was hashgacha pratis. It was exactly what Hashem knew had to happen to get the yidden to the next level at that point.

21. Ur 100% right. And there are many other girls that feel the exact same way every morning when they wake up… Be strong!
    It is essential that u find a connect with others in the same stage of life as you, until u find ur husband

    2 years ago one special woman stepped up to start and community in Lakewood called UNITE for single girls ages 20+ which has seen tremendous success. It provides a place for singles to hang out, hear discussions on a variety of topics and do fun activities together nightly plus soooooo much more (for more information on this program please text Hadassa at 732-966-7815).

    A few months ago at the request of some attendees, Unite branched off to create 2 more programs. 1 for single women ages 30 years and up called Unite+. And 1 for previously married girls w/o kids. And these too have seen great growth and camaraderie B’H.
    They have created a safe, relaxed place where women in these stages of life can make new friends and enjoy the great speakers and activities.
    This has literally breathed a new life into everyone involved in the UNITE community.
    once again. for more information on this program text or call Hadassa at 732-966-7815
    ull thank me later!

22. As an open minded frum woman who got married in her upper 30s I’d like to share that yes the shadchanim can b not pleasant they want to know why “they should redst a shidduch for you” I’m not a piece of meat that needs to sell itself! I’m a valuable woman with a want for relationship & to build a home. When I had a conversation with an older shadchan she told me 1 Rebba said there is no such thing as having to do hishtadlus in dating the right 1 will come in the right time. That goes to say one needs to know how to date what their values are. You can’t say no to everyone Bec u want something specific. You need to set ur moral values & if someone fills those they r worthy of a date even if he’s not who u want him to be right now. Moral values are the foundation of a relationship. Not looks not money not profession not learning… When dating like that ur emunah & bitachon strengthen & u have better insight. Your time will come but when that line comes to you don’t let it pass Bec it’s not what u imagined.
    Wishing all much luck & clearity.

    • If “there is no such thing as having to do hishtadlus in dating” what is the point in talking to a shadchan? Why even go on a date? The girls should stay in their house and the boys should stay in their house and then angels will come down from above and rip open the houses and transport the boys to the girls and they will ask them to marry them. No one should ever expend any effort at all. No more shadchanim, no more phone calls about references, no more shadchanim having meetings with each other… this is a brilliant plan. Not one iota of effort should be expended by anyone ever because “there is no such thing as having to do hishtadlus in dating” which would obviously mean that if you would hishtadlus then you are an aino mamin. I have a lot of kashas on a lot of amoraim and rishonim and achronim who put in a lot of effort both for themselves and for their chidren to be married.. but whatever let’s do it this way no one ever put in any effort and just sit back in your houses and let Hashem and His angels do all the work for us.

      • What in the world is your rant all about? What’s your point? What are you talking about?

        Learn through Beraishis Rabba samach ches / daled about Reb Yose ben Chalafta
        Learn Beraishis Rabba samach hay / bais
        Learn Yerushalmi kedushin gimel / yud bais
        Learn meseches Sota bais amud Alef

        Let me know if you need more. Or, you can go to your local bookstore and buy the sefer Reb Chaim on Shidduchim. You can also buy Rav Gamliels sefer Tiv Hashiduchim. And when you are finished those two if you need more I’ll gladly provide more.

        It’s not Hishtadlus. It’s Teffila. Don’t think so? Well then you didn’t Learn through the sugya the way Rav Chaim and Rav Gamliel did. Hishtadlus is a minimum requirement with little effort necessary. Teffilla is a major requirement requiring a major effort. It is all from Hashem and won’t happen a day earlier or a day later then Hashem plans for it.

        • Dumb dumb, it said no hishtadlus at all. Not even tefilla. But even lididach please explain to me how this works. You daven and daven but you never once go on a date. You never leave your house. You just stay in your room and daven. You never meet with a shadchan (that’s hishtadlus) your parents never talk to parents of a boy (that’s hishtadlus too) and no one ever goes out on a date to see if it works for them ir not (more hishtadlus) everyone just davens and davens more then please explain to me what time the angels come down from high and pull the boy and girl out of their respective houses and carry them out with their siddurim to the chuppah?

23. What bothers me a lot – Is that we make decisions on popularity. What will others think?
    Eg. His family doesn’t have any money. He is 20 years older, or more. Etc.
    While these are good types of rejections if you have choices. But they aren’t good Rejections if you’re single for 2 years or More.
    And if you think Not getting Married can’t happen to You, Think again!?!
    I Personally Know 2 Girls/Women that probably won’t ever get married.
    They have what you call “a good catch”.
    So why do I say that they won’t -“Get Married”?
    Simply, because they are around 60yo.
    So Frum Men with the same age, want S/O that can have Kids!
    Good Luck!

24. I’m sorry that it has to come to this. How many more Karbanos will there be before we listen to the Gedolim and make real real real changes. The Bnos Yisrael don’t have to be turned into beggars. Is it fair that so many of us feel so inadequate because not enough is being done for making changes to the Shidduch system

25. There are so many single boys out there also looking to get married. I don’t get this. Sounds like crisis is that none of them meet your standards, not that marriagable men don’t exist

    • She can’t say no to a shidduch if the name isn’t presented to her. Today, when someone says no date, very often it means no names were presented to her.

    • the system is not geared to service the whole class and it leaves the less endowed at a disadvantage with a percent of them completely left out all this while many are saying that this can be corrected by getting the boys to begin shidduchim earlier so as to give more girls a chance of ever getting married and besides all that the idea of delaying is incongruent with our core values

26. Stop calling references.
    Communicate with shadchanim on your own.
    Get a paid SYAS account.
    NEVER, EVER call references!!

27. I really don’t understand all these letters and talk about shidduch crisis! Who are you screaming to? No one is listening to you per se, and even if boys start coming home earlier, it will still mean there are girls left out of the equation. The only one who can help is Hashem!! Tell him how you feel and that you haven’t had a date in 2 years!! May hkbh listen to all our tefillos and fullfull your hearts desires.

28. I feel you.
    Signed,
    Father of a 27 year old woman (not ‘girl’)

29. Blah blah blah there again go all the people talking about speed dating, chizzuk groups etc… Folks there are not enough boys in the parsha as explained earlier so there is only one single solution as also explained earlier by R Elya Ber (see video). Why does everyone want to keep changing the subject. Boys will not materialize from thin air unless they are allowed to.

30. Curious if TLS will disclose the true identity of this letter writer.

    Sounds like (moderated) talking here and hiding under a different title.

31. The “lesser” girls ?

32. To the poster who said they couldn’t find a Rav to permit a picture with resume, I too am against it. When a boys mother wanted a picture I was told by my very chashuv Rav that if it was for a specific shidduch that was very nogeah and wouldn’t go anywhere without the pic I should mail it to them. I know that they can post it etc but I still have my gedarim. And if course when I follow daas Torah I am protected. May all the wonderful bnos yisroel find their zivig hagun bkariv mamash!

    A mother of a wonderful daughter in shidduchim

33. 10kbatayyisroel.org

    This initiative was started in memory of Yisroel and Elisheva, a young engaged couple that tragically passed away together on Pesach.

    This initiative has proven results, and when I was single, I am proud to say that I made shidduchim in their memory. And, no I was not a shadchan, did not have the confidence, but found the courage to redt anyways. This is how each and every person on this forum can help. We all know someone single and need to take it upon ourselves to network on thier behalf.

    TLS took upon themselves to help the single initiative, perhaps they can connect with the founders to sponsor an advertising initiative for thier upcoming Yerzheit this Pesach.

    We should only dance at Simchos!

34. To all the people yelling hishtadlus ..I agree there’s a derech haolam that people want to do to feel like they did theirs. However my Rav told me that with shidduchim there’s no chiyuv hishtadlus ..only.by parnassah because of “bizayas apecha tochal lechem”. He said if I want to go to a shadchan it’s fine …it’s derech haolam and not bad but I have no chiyuv at all. Daven daven daven…

    • Which by extension means that all these shadchanim are non believers. All the gedolim who had meetings trying to addressing the shidduch crisis are also lacking in emunah. All everyone should be saying is one thing and one thing only: just stay home and daven and daven. No more shadchanim. No more discussing the shidduch crisis and brainstorming how to deal with this. Boys and girls shouldn’t even go on dates. The boys should only daven and the girls too and all the meetings and speeches should be about how to improve people’s beliefs and tefillos, period. Venter, same for the marriages. No more talking to rabbonim or marriage counselors… throw away all advice and counseling… all anyone should ever tell anyone to do is just daven to Hashem ( aside for parnossah). Problems with your kids, the only advice is davening. You have cancer, don’t seek treatment only daven. You cut yourself and are in the midst of bleeding to death, only daven. You are giving birth, don’t go to hospital only daven to Hashem. Your kid is drowning in the pool, don’t jump in to save him just daven. Your kid is going off the derech because you were a terrible role model and parent, don’t try to resolving it on your own and talking to him, only daven. You ran your car into your neighbor by accident on your way to do hishtadlus for parnossah don’t apologize to him just go back into your house and daven. The one thing and the only thing that is the exception to this is parnossah. Got it.

35. Did any of the Rosh Yeshiva accept TLS offer of free advertising? I’m guessing, not as likely TLS would have let us know.

36. Boys should be married by 18. Most are not ready. Why? Our Yeshiva system places no responsibility or accountability upon them. Why not? When the Yeshivos in the US started, every bochur was fighting to be there. The parents said go to college! My father said, when he went to learn in Yeshiva Be’er Yaakov supper consisted of 1 tomato split among 8 bochurim. Accountability is not necessary in such scenarios.
    So if the boys are not ready, what to do?
    I’m not a posek, so please ask a shayla first, but if all the seminary girls would get together and say, we are not going out for 3 years, supply and demand says that boys would have to step up considerably. Also 35 year old single boys like me, would probably not be redd to 24 year old girls anymore.

37. its not the shadchanims fault that they never read u a shiduch! they r NOT meshubad to ANYONE! espescially if they ONLY get paid if they make a shidduch! they r VERY burnt out from helping out singles and making phone calls and spending alot of time and then it doesnt work out! it takes alot of time and its emotionally draining! we should have a new thing that if u want a shadchan to set u up then u should pay them a certain amount of money (maybe $150 to $200) to work for a hour just on that single working to find a shiduch 4 u EVEN if they dont find a shiduch 4 u or they make phone calls and shiduch doesnt work out…. then they will be MORE motivated to help u out. i feel ur pain. im also a older single. i feel singles who r older and didnt find their bashert yet SHOULD GO to a dating coach and find out what they should be looking 4 in a spouse and wat they NEED in a spouse, NOT wat they WANT in a spouse! rabbi abraham twersky said the reason why theres a shidduch crisis is bec singles r looking for wat they WANT AND NOT WAT THEY NEED IN A SPOUSE! i went to a dating coach few times and PAID him MONEY (and it was worth it the money) and he helped me clarify wat type of guy i am and wat i should be looking for. alot of singles dont know wat theyre looking 4 in a spouse…. also they could help u out by telling u wat went wrong on other dates and maybe u could learn from other dates why they didnt work out. also they could help u how to date and wat to say and wat NOT to say on a date or wat NOT to do on a date! and wat dating is about… ITS WORTH IT THE MONEY…. THANKS 4 READING MY ADVICE AND COMMENTS! HASHEM SHOULD HELP U ALL AND DONT GIVE UP! RAV ARUSH SAYS WHATEVER MATZAV A PERSON IS IN THEN THATS THE BEST THING FOR HIS NESHAMA NOW. AND IF ITS THE BEST THING 4 HIM NOW THEN U SHOULD ACCEPT IT AND BE BESIMCHA BEC HASHEM WANTS U TO SERVE HIM DAVKA IN THIS SITUATION AND BE HAPPY. im not saying its not hard

38. To all the people saying daven, daven, daven don’t you realize that you are minimizing the pain of the girls who are suffering? Have you ever heard of a tefillas shav? Are they supposed to create boys that don’t exist? Do you think that they don’t pour out their hearts all the time? Do you think the ladies who are in their 40s and 50s now didn’t daven hard enough, is that what you are saying? You think there is one thing and one thing only- only davening. If no boys ever date for whatever reason it is because the girls didn’t daven hard enough. So all the discussions of rosh yeshivos and rabbonim with shadchnim about facilitating dates and enabling shidduchim and raising money to pay for plane tickets and rental cars is all stupidity- there is only one thing to do they should only daven. Of course using tzedakah money for those purposes would be stealing then… not just davening and doing all these tzadeiki shtuyot is apirkorsus. The fact that boys don’t date till 23 or 24 is also irrelevant, they could start dating 92 that would be all fine all the girls need to do is just daven. No phone calls, no shadchanim and of course any shadchan who takes any money is a ganev because the whole thing is only davening and they are also over lifnei iver for the money and for causing others to become non believers in thinking that there is anthing other than for a girl to just sit in her room and pour out her heart in tefillos.

39. Most singles in their mid-20’s are still single because they refuse to go on first dates unless if their mothers call all references before deciding on the first date. They also will not go on any dates unless if their mothers are the ones communicating with shadchanim and deciding on their behalf whether or not each suggestion is appropriate for them.

    IMHO, bochurim over 24 who refuse to communicate with shadchanim on their own and refuse leave their parents out of picture until after the third date are despicable reshoim who deserve to be treated like Get Refusers. This draconian measure will immediately solve shidduch crisis.
    כופין אותו עד שיאמר רוצה אני!

    • According to the geniuses above the only they are refusing is because the girls aren’t davening hard enough. You see this whole illusion of free will is but is a mere illusion, not sure why the Rambam and a whole bunch of other rishonim wasted all that ink writing about it. If only the girls would just daven harder and with more kavanah then they would all 100 percent be married. The boys have no zero choice in the matter. The girls never even have to leave their houses. There is no makom for shadchanim at all. The reason girls don’t get married is because they don’t daven enough and not wholeheartedly. Of course, this is all kenged kamah v’kamah memras in shas, a mefurush mishna in Taynis, hundreds of maysim brought down about tanaim and amoraim, uvdos from gedolim of yesteryear and today and all the hishtadlus they put in for themselves and to marry of their boys and girls…. but don’t let that confuse you with the facts laid out above from the simpleminded unsympathethic posters that all that matters is one thing and nothing else at all, the girl locking herself in her room and never leaving and pouring her heart out in tefilla.

    • when yeshivos will convey the importance of moving on quickly which one of the ways is to “eliminate the wait” and another is to “bring the boys home in time” and then bochurim will follow suit and get married earlier [and that will also keep them happy and prevent a situation of a GET refuser which is basically a freezer victim who believes he is entitled and so special] and that will certainly hasten the geulah sheleima

40. Kudos to TLS. Although you are bringing articles that are articulating the thoughts of the vast majority I am impressed with your diligence and personal example as offering your billboards to help the Bnos Yisrael. Boruch Hashem people are starting to wake up and realize that we must push the limits to make an effective change!!!! We will all follow the directive of the Gedoli HaDor and respectfully ask all the Roshei Yeshivas and influencers we know, to implement what is inevitable and START THE BOCHURIM YOUNGER!!!

41. Send you letter to the only one who can do anything. HASHEM! WE FORGOT WHO RUNS THE WORLD! NO SHADCHAN NO RABBI NO FRIENDS. HASHEM! THATS THE MESSAGE! we feel your pain and ony HE can help! Stop turning to people and blaming them. No one to blame. Only to know this is a test and we all have tests and when we know the only one who can help is Him He sends salvation. Your letter testifies that you think people have what to with this. THEY DONT! HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO RWLY SOULY ON HIM!

    • Send your letter to the only one who can do anything. HASHEM. WE FORGOT WHO RUNS THE WORLD. NO SHADCHAN! NO RABBIS! NO FRIENDS! ONLY HASHEM! THATS THE MESSAGE! We feel your pain and only HE can help. Stop turning to people and blaming them. No one to blame. Only to know this is a test. We all have tests and when we recognize the only one who can help is HIM He sends salvation. Your letter testifies that you think people are responsible. They aren’t! HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO RELY SOLELY ON HIM!

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