Let’s Talk Anxiety: Scared of Therapy – by David H. Rosmarin, Ph.D., ABPP, & Rebecca Holczer, MA

Question: I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for many years now and it is getting worse each day. My family and friends keep suggesting that I go to therapy. While I really don’t want to struggle anymore, I am worried that therapy won’t work and then I’ll be worse off than when I started. What if I don’t like my therapist? What if I’m in therapy forever? I’m also worried that the word will get out that I had therapy, and that will ruin any possibility of me finding a good Shidduch.

Signed,

Sick and Tired

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Dear Sick and Tired,

First of all, congratulations on taking a first step! It takes a lot of courage to write into our column and also to consider something different and new. Unlike physical problems, anxiety and depression are often invisible to outsiders, and it can be hard to let someone else in. Therapy can be daunting, especially if you have never done it before or have tried and did not have a positive experience. The good news is, there is always room to try!

Whether or not you decide to make an appointment, think about what you’d like to get out of therapy. For example, which aspects of anxiety and depression are the hardest for you? Do they make it a challenge to have close relationships with people? Do you find it difficult to perform your daily activities? Are you not as far along with your career as you’d like to be? Once you have one or more identifiable goals in place, you’ll be able to have an idea of what you’d like to accomplish, should you take the plunge.

Once you have an idea of what to focus upon, start researching different therapists. One terrific address for this is Relief Resources – a community-wide organization that helps individuals find the right fit for their mental health needs. Before you call Relief though, think about whether you prefer a male or female therapist or have no preference? Also do you want to work with someone who is from within the community, or someone outside? And when thinking about candidates, be sure to ask about not just levels of training and experience but also supervision, and of course the expected course of treatment.

In case you decide to move ahead with giving therapy a try, a therapist should provide you with an “intake session” or “initial consultation” to help learn about your concerns and determine whether their particular treatment is a good match. At your intake session, be sure to watch out for professionalism. You should be provided with a written statement of office policies, fees should be transparent and communicated clearly up front, the time of the session should be kept punctually, and needless to say your clinician should be certified/licensed or be under the direct supervision of a licensed practitioner. Also, remember that it’s important to like your therapist and you should feel accepted, but the main thing is to find expert help from a qualified person who can assist you with your goals.

Regarding privacy, news about you attending therapy will likely not “get out” unless you choose to allow it. All therapists are legally required to protect your private information with the utmost confidentiality. However, if you do choose to tell others that you are attending therapy, you may not actually experience the negative effects that you suggest. In our program, virtually all of our late adolescent and young adult patients have gone on to get married, have families, and live happy lives, without incident or shame. This is because the stigma of having psychological struggles has decreased dramatically in recent years, since it is now so common for people to seek therapy. Our program alone sees more than 300 new Frum patients each year! This is because skilled and highly professional treatment can clearly benefit our emotional well-being, our ability to communicate effectively, and our relationships. Who doesn’t want more of that in their life? In fact, these changes will only make you a better shidduch prospect!

With some motivation, effort, investment of time and money, and the right therapist, therapy can “work” wonders.

Wishing you Hatzlacha on this journey!

All our best,

Center for Anxiety

David H. Rosmarin, Ph.D., ABPP, is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, part-time, and a board certified clinical psychologist. He also directs the Center for Anxiety, which has offices in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Monsey, and Boston. Rebecca Holczer, MA is a postdoctoral fellow at the Center for Anxiety’s Monsey office. She has received extensive training in the application of various exposure therapies, as well as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to adolescents and adults experiencing anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and other disorders. Her clinical style is collaborative and highly individualized to the needs of each patient.

Readers are encouraged to write in their questions and concerns, and each month 1-2 letters will be published along with our responses. Submissions should be sent in via email to [email protected] with “Lakewood Scoop Question” in the Subject line of the message. To protect anonymity, names and other identifying details will be changed prior to publication. Questions are welcome about any topic related to mental health and treatment. We look forward to hearing from you!

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