Recently, several of my friends have complained that their schools have
significantly raised tuition. Speaking to several of these parents, they rightfully complain that it is already hard to make ends meet, however, there is another side to this that must be part of the conversation.
Lakewood families enjoyed lower tuition for years. Our cost of living was well below most other frum communities. We enjoyed this even as the average household income increased as local businesses started doing better and better. So, what did we as a community do with this newfound wealth? Did we use it to support our schools? Did we use it to ensure our rabbeim and moras can enjoy the lifestyle we do? No!
We used these funds to buy $39.99/lb meet at Yapchick and Gourmet Glatt. We used it to buy thousands of dollars of wines and whiskeys for our lavish kidushim. We used it on cars, cloths, sheitels, food, vacations and more. We weren’t happy with our basement apartments that are nicer than any of our counterparts’ apartments in Flatbush, Boro park, Washington Heights, Baltimore, etc. We purchased homes in Toms River and Jackson well beyond our means. Instead of helping our Yeshivos we made the roshei hamosdos run around like schnorrers knocking on the doors of our 4000 square foot mansions while we chilled out back alongside our saltwater pools and asked our children to answer the door and say “Tatty is not available.”
Of course it is hard, but when we increase our expenses voluntarily, the schools suffer and ultimately our children suffer. Supporting our school’s is our number one responsibility as parents and as a community. Did we ever stop to think that if we took more responsibility for our schools they would in turn take more responsibility for our children?
If our standards of living increase and we spend more money, the schools, or rather our children should rightfully get their fair share. Remember, giving to our schools is not to line the pockets of the roshei mosdos or so the rabbeim can live healthily. It is so they can focus on our children and not have to have two or three jobs, work summerts, late night tutoring or other creative ways of bolstering their income.
Let’s once and for all get our priorities straight and put our children, schools rabbeim, and moros first. We should happily share the burden with the schools on behalf of our own children and do our best to meet our tuition responsibilities. And of course, next time your children’s school reaches out to you for their dinner or melava malka campaign, don’t ignore them! Help out! Get involved, both physically and financially. Please don’t make them beg, and maybe they will spend the money that it costs to make a lavish barbeque at your pool on your children.
A struggling parent.
(TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to letters@thelakewoodscoop.com)
Sorry but this letter is absolutely ridiculous.
Who are you to say what people are spending on? Did you follow the hundreds of families and watch what they spend?
What about the families that are struggling to make ends meet? Does your ‘letter’ justify it for them?
Right on! But unfortunately, you are talking to the wall. U R Right but let’s be realistic..”ain’t gonna happen”
Well said!
I have no problem with the schools raising tuition rates. My problem is with the school supplies. Who can afford those ridiculous school supplies? And who has the patience to go shopping? Let the school sraise tuition $100 and buy the supplies themselves.
Just my 2 cents.
Very well written. We have lost our way. Oy!
Who’s “WE”???
speak for yourself x 1000
those are not my priories our how I ever have or will ever spend my money.
Talk about stereotyping……
Kudos to you for writing this letter. This parsha is an issue that people will have to give din vcheshbon on. I work in a school, and while I don’t deal with tuition directly, I see how many people.live in big homes and can’t afford their tuition. Generally these are families with an average of five children (at the moment). If that is the case, a townhouse is large enough to accommodate the average family and.more. how do people sleep at night in a big house and then ask for breaks in tuition!??? This is not even touching on vacations,zvi cars, clothes and other luxuries!!!!! PRIORITIES
I couldnt have said it better.
this is a very confusing letter that you’re writing. let me save from the outset that I have no negius whatsoever one way or the other. I have no tuition responsibility (as all my children are b”h married).
I live in a simple house in Lakewood not in Toms River and not in Jackson. I don’t have a saltwater pool I don’t drink wine or whiskey and I don’t purchase $39.99 pounds meat. In fact other than yomtef I rarely buy meat at all. I struggle very much financially just like you. What’s troubling to me about your letter is how do you know what’s going on by other people? are you really a struggling parents as you sign off? How do you know that those that live lavishly are not in fact paying full tuition and more and maybe they’re the ones that are covering the expenses for your children!!!!!
Don’t get me wrong I’m not advocating for people to live lavishly with big mansions big cars big vacations excetera even if they can afford it but I just don’t understand how you know what’s going on by them.
If you are not struggling and are from those that do live comfortably then why you telling everybody else what to do? Instead of telling them why don’t you show them and do it yourself???????
Before you start lecturing everybody where to put their priorities you need to make a priority of not judging other people
I dont believe the letter writer was talking about any individuals . He was also not minimizing the struggles of many ,many parents,who struggle to make ends meet and can’t afford even minimum tuitions . The letter , in my opinion just lamented society as a whole where from a kehila standpoint we would have enough to support our schools if they were our first priority. On the contrary, we are not being asked to help the schools ,we are asked to help our struggling families who can’t afford so much tuition. We as a society have created a situation where parents prioritize camps and legitimate summer vacations , over school tuition . Most parents feel it is their inherent right to pay the minimum tuition ,way below the schools cost ,and still allow themselves a 2500 wekl deserved Bain hazmanim trip . Thete is no Tayna on the parents because that is how our society works ,but in a list of priorities our society should have people feeling the need to.pay full tuition before camps and vacations and,seminaries and even weddings for 450 guests. Its,an indictment on our priorities as a society, not on the individual parents .
Firstly, everyone should worry about themselves ONLY. You never know what’s going on by others even if it seems like you do…
there ARE people who are spending ridiculous amount of money on these things, but there are even more people who are living simply and barely making it and struggling to the get through the day clothing and feeding their large families and paying tuition.
You are 100% correct our children’s chinuch should be our number one priority. However, us working middle class get NO government assistance while the mosdos thankfully get some government assistance.Also, Mr. Rechnitz and others like him donate large sums to the mosdos. I feel the mosdos should be more transparent.
mosdos are transparent. copies of their tax return and public record and can be reviewed by anyone who wants.
Depends if the school was set up as a nonprofit filing a 990 or a congregation, which many schools are, with no reporting requirements
Raising a Family in Lakewood is easy? What R U talking about? I have 9 Children I earn about 90K a year. I pay over $32 thousand on Tuitions alone. My mortgage is a Fortune look in order to run my family’s expenses I need to earn at least 150K. Lots of my friends are earning 90K or less for a large family it means living Check to Check barely making ends meet!! No it’s absolutely Not Easy at all!!
Oh come on all of you, of course he may not know what’s going on by each and every person but this is a trend you got to be blind not to see!!! Just ask any mosad if the people who have bought “bigger and better” houses are paying full tuition!! I’m sure many are, and this letter is not addressed to those. But many are not. Even the people who do live in Lakewood, in single family homes are paying higher utilities and maintenance than a town home owner. So if you can’t pay tuition, downgrade!!!!
Honestly, I don’t know how anyone can afford a home these days, even the starter ones. I bought my home nearly 20 yrs ago ( I won’t tell you at what price, it’s laughable) and bh my husband has a good job, but we don’t have a penny in savings. We do pay full tuition bh and make it thru the month which is a huge blessing and I’m so grateful for. We do not go on vacation and clothes is bought on sale If We would have to buy a home today, we would not survive.
Houses in Toms River are many times same price or even cheaper then houses in Lakewood. I smell some jealousy in this letter. Better to have a ayin tov and talk positive about your fellow jew. It will have a much better outcome.
Stop it!
You know exactly what she’s referring too
Great letter, but let’s include the schools as well,
You may be right that some well-to-do people spend money on certain things to maintain their lifestyles instead of paying full tuition, but you also have to mention the schools that are spending money on certain things as well to maintain their lifestyles and to compete with the school next door (such as multi-million dollar buildings on multi-million dollar properties, with state-of-the-art everything etc…) instead of saving all of that money to pay the Rabayim and teachers on time and keeping the tuition (and mandatory building funds payments) down so that the people who would like to pay tuition can without going bankrupt…
Unfortunately, it’s a two-way street! Schools are spending more than they can afford (on lots of things that are not necessary if they don’t have the extra money), and not everyone is paying what the school needs in order that they can spend more then they can afford on things that are not necessary if they don’t have the extra money.
Its not against anybody. Its just lamenting about our priorities . We can raise 10 million in one day of biking ,and raise 5 million in one dinner for a choshuve mosad in EY.And raise tens of millions for outside causes . These are all very valid and important causes that we should support . We also spend a lot on summer camps and Bain hazmanim vacations . These are also very important for our well being. But local schools,should not be the stepchild after all these things. Local schools should come first. Unfortunately they come last .
WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT SEND THEIR DAUGHTERS TO SEMINARY IN ERETZ YISROEL AND COST THEM A MINIMUM OF $25,OOO.- (EVEN IF THEY GET A SCHOLARSHIP IT STILL COSTS THAT MUCH BECAUSE OF THE SPENDING MONEY NEEDED AND TRANSPORTATION ETC.) AND THE YEARS IN HIGH SCHOOL THEY COULDN’T PAY EVEN $5000.-. KEEP IN MIND THIS ARTICLE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE LIVING ON A TIGHT BUDGET IT’S TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO DO LIVE A LAVISH LIFESTYLE AND THERE ARE PLENTY PEOPLE RIGHT HERE IN LAKEWOOD WHO LIVE THAT WAY.
Like a noted administrator once told me: “The parents that deserve the courtesy and breaks are the ones that consistently pay on time without a single complaint”
Quite ironic!
PRIORITIES!
You may or may not have a point. But one thing is definitely clear. Nobody has any right to decide for anyone else who can afford what. And even more so, you just accused and attacked an entire town, or actually three towns, for living a certain lifestyle which is definitely not the case for the majority of the people living there. In fact, most people moving from Lakewood to Jackson and Tom’s River do so for financial reasons, because they can’t possibly afford a house in town.
If tuition should be raised is a different discussion, but the baseless animosity that’s oozing out of the letter is completely wrong and not acceptable!!
Btw, I’m a Rosh yeshiva’s wife so I know first hand the yeshivos’s struggles. But I would rather that than such judgmentalism!
Schools will never make anybody happy. When they have older smaller buildings and don’t spend money keeping them up nicely and the kids are crowded, then people complain. When interest rates are low and they finally take the plunge and build a nice building for about 1 tenth of what the public schools spend , then they are accused of free spending too much .
It is true! People have to prioritize the money they spend and chinuch does come first always! I can tell you from experience that people have owed me money for working privately as a professional with their children and the check is always in the mail… But I never get it! It can go on for years chasing after payments but the WhatsApp pics show a very different lifestyle with pix from exotic places and the like! I fargin whoever is able to afford the lavish lifestyle but don’t forget about those struggling month by month and waiting to be paid for their work…
Wow what a closed minded letter!! Who said the people buying expensive meats and wines are the ones complaining don’t lump us all in one pot
Letter is 100% correct. Well said.
Thanks
Family of 9 children, with 8 in school. Using relatavely low tuitions.
3 in Mesivta and bais medrash, which charge $6-$8000
1 in Girl High school at $5000
2 in Cheder at $5000
2 in girl school at $4000
So that is $45,000.
Plus over $25,000 in Health insurance.
Plus $25,000 min in housing costs.
Plus $5,000 minimum for camps. Yes, some children have to go to camp half a summer.
Plus $5000 utilities
Plus $25,000 food and clothing.
Plus $5000 misc.
That’s $135,000 after taxes. Add some $15,000 minimum in taxes, so they have to earn $150,000 just to break even! Now how many people earn that much?
How many children are in the school?
How much is the average tuition rate according to the school administrator?
Do the math. Number of kids times tuition rate equals:
What does the school do with all that money?
some people are complaining that the letter writer is being judgmental. how does she know that those living the lavish lifestyle described are not paying tuition?
I dont have statistics, only anecdotal evidence. i have a relative living a very lavish lifestyle. well above and beyond the way i live. huge extended house, every kid going to camp, vacations and simchos over the top….
who do you think is behind on their tuition and who do you think is paid up?
b’h while we are paid up while this close relative is behind on his tuition….
unfortunately, this is NOT an isolated story. i know of others….
If the administrator would go to the parent’s home to discuss tuition, it would be much harder for said parent to justify requesting a reduction. The administrator can see the house, cars, furnishings, window treatments, etc. and make a determination if a reduced tuition is in order. It is a lot more work for the administrator to make house calls, but definitely worth his while, I think.
@raintree resident. So why should the school raise tuition? The parents who pay in full like you will probably squeeze themselves to pay the extra. Your reliative will still be paying the same amount (as is nothing)
I think that it is time to stop bashing Lakewood time and time again. I speak a a fairly newcomer with no children in the school system bh. The amount of chessed in this town is astou ding ,the amount if tzedoka in this town is far superior than any other community. The problem is that it is always the same people who are approached for money … Also let’s come to terms that some people are in gashmius and not criticize them. It is their prerogative and are not asking anything from anyone. Having been in the past involved with schools I can tell you that those parents described in your letter are very generous and warm and giving to their children schools.As Ellul is Al ost here let’s try to judge everyone lkaf zechus .
Thank you for saying this.
I am a big advocate for living simply, and I live a very basic lifestyle, but I don’t think it’s our place to judge those who don’t.
And I also find it hard to listen to so much criticism about Lakewood, all the time, when, while I’m not denying the problems exist and agree they should be taken care of and not pushed under the carpet, I come face to face with the extraordinary beauty of our special town every single day. It’s painful when it seems that everyone only sees the problems and not the beauty.
There is no mitzvah to live beyond one’s means. We become more UPSCALE while our children become more DOWNTRODDEN. That is a shame. If you can’t afford your “LIFESTYLE”, be responsible enough to change it.
I think that the letter writer and all the commenters have made very valid points. I think that it’s very important to have this discussion and the greatest possible outcome would result from those of differing opinions really thinking about what the others say (I am trying!)
In Short:
People would like the best product for the cheapest. For the most part, they imagine that regardless of the tuition fees, they will get the same product, so they want it low as the higher tuition won’t get them anything.
The other things mentioned in the letter can’t be bought without paying full price, so they spend on it.
This is the case for SOME people (whether it’s the majority or not is beside the point).
Other people will pay the tuition without complaining as they appreciate the Mosdos work enough to grant them the requisite trust.
Just one (more) thought: Those who think they are getting the same product regardless of the tuition rate are mistaken – assuming the Mosdos are putting it to proper use, such as Rebbeim/Moros salaries. I have the highest regard for Rebbeim/Moros (most of them, anyway) who have chosen and embarked on a difficult and often thankless journey. But a well-paid rebbe does a better job.
I live in a single daily home in a desirable neighborhood and ask for tuition breaks. When we first bought it wasn’t a desirable neighborhood. We were looking for a cheap fixer upper, but did the math and realized it was actually more affordable to buy this house with a rental which was priced similar to many of the townhomes, than to buy a single family fixer upper. By the the prices in my neighborhood have shot up while the townhomes have stagnated. So yes we now live in the fancy single family home (actually very simply furnished if you would walk inside) but we live simply and have older cars, don’t take much in the way of vacations, and live quite a different life than you would think from looking at our house. We send two kids to sleep away camp on the advice of their school (the one giving us reduced tuition) that it should be our priority because it will help them shteig over the summer. The other kids are backyard/ simple camps/ counselor jobs etc…. So don’t be so quick to judge….
You people complain about higher tuition and the simple solution is to not send them to an expensive school for something the parents should be able to teach.
The above spending habits applies to what percent of lakewood??
Tuition applies to all of lakewood!!
Are Rabbiem really living worse than the hard working-who left Kollel to support their families??
Dear letter writer.
Yes – everyone needs to set their priorities straight.
No – you are incorrect about how many of us struggling live our lives.
I do not HAVE extra money with my lower than NY tuition. I do not go and spend on ridiculous lavish expenses.
I had to fight to have my tuition lowered from full because I want to be able to actually pay my tuition and the first thing I do when I get paid is take the tuition money out for all my kids and send it to the school leaving me with nothing left to spend on even the basics.
And the schools keep raising it and asking for more money. I simply dont have the more money to give them.
And my kids have to suffer the consequences because we just dont have the extras to spend on therapies, clothing, or even fun for them and I refuse to go into credit card debt. They wear hand me downs and end of discussion.
I have spoken to MANY parents that are in the exact same situation and worse and there is nothing to do about it.
So the lower NJ tuition does NOT give many of us extra money to spend on luxuries or even support the schools. It just makes us go a little less into debt than we would in places like NY.
To those that actually ARE doing as you say, saving on the tuition and keeping extra money to spend lavishly, yes priorities are priorities but dont go blaming all of us that are choking even from lower tuition.
I agree with this letter. Numerous times i have neighbors complaining about tuition. At the same time they have no problem buying custom dinning room sets. Remodeling their house. I believe tuition should be given first and if someone will say my parents paid for my remodeling. Then they should be asking them to help with tuition first.
sarah, don’t you realize why parents don’t help with tuition? their children can only have a custom dinning room and a remodeled home if they purchase those items for their children. but why should they pay tuition for them? don’t you know that a Jewish education is free?! if you don’t pay tuition your grandchildren won’t have to go to public school! they can just continue to attend yeshiva for nothing.
we could not send our son to camp – it was just so expensive – more than twice his monthly tuition for school for just three weeks and i’m still paying off his tuition through the summer months. but he really wanted to go. It meant so much to his grandmother that her grandson should not ch’v have to stay home in the summer that she offered to pay for him to go to camp! she knew if she did not pay, he would not be able to go. but i never got such an offer for tuition. don’t you understand why??????
you only pay when you will get something for your money…
Raintree resident. It seems like you have children and pay tuition for them. Do you children ever thank you, or show any appreciation for them for paying their tuition?
I don’t get any help from anyone, live modestly, but B”H pay all my bills. However I do understand a parent wanting to give children “extras” they want the appreciation from their children and to feel like they are giving the children something they would not otherwise have.
I don’t blame the parents who help, it is not their responsibility to pay their children’s bills, it is their children’s responsibility to pay their own bills.
What I would personally find awkward, is living in a large house (regardless of who paid for it), while not paying tuition and being a recipient of tzedakah, This is not common, but it does happen. If I would be in that situation, I would likely be to embarrassed to ever show my face in public. Needing help itself happens, people find themselves in that situation, but needing help while living a higher lifestyle than those you seek help from, is just plain humiliating (if you have any sense of awareness), however, these situations are rare.
WOW!!! Way to go and speak up! Reb Simcha Bunin and Reb Chaim David have been saying this about our moisdis for yoron now. Please! It’s time for the bal habatim pitch in a couple hunred dollars and assist our moisdis.
Again it’s not an issue ,with anybody . Its just the priorities of society at large . There are many cases of people who are really struggling and who are in arrears on even the minimum tuitions ,who spend money on things that should definitely be after tuition .When confronted, the response is that this big ticket item was paid for by parents or in laws etc etc . Yes we can’t force the parents or in laws to pay for tuition and the parents or in laws have the right to give their children any luxury they want so there is nothing the school can do . But if we as a,community had our priorities right , then the parents would not feel comfortable giving their married kids big money for certain things ,while leaving their kids no money to pay their tuitions .
If a family was struggling and needed help with Food bills or hachnosas kallah, Tomchei Shabbos or other organizatiobs,wpuld not look too kindly if they were driving a brand new Cadillac given to them for free by their in laws . Technically they could say ,what should,we do ,I cant afford a car and its actually the cheapest option for my in laws togive me a new Cadillac . But its just not done. Same with tuition.It is not fair,when in laws give children large sums of money for houses, cars ,seminary, nice clothes ,jewelry etc but everything but tuition . Technically they have the right ,but its a mixed up priority .
This is really the heart of the problem . Most Lakewood families cant really survive without parental and family help . And unfortunately, in most ,not all cases ,parents and in laws just give for those things where they know their children will not have it without their help. Most people feel that their grandchildren will get the same chinuch whether or not they help their children pay a higher rate of tuition ,so they don’t think it’s a priority. They know that their grandchildren won’t get to go to camp or seminary or be clothed nicely ,without them writing a nice check,so they write the check .It won’t change too fast .
If what you say is true, that answers so many questions for me. My parent’s were poor. They are all gone ZTL. I had to work and still do for everything so the upscale food, nice house, nice clothes, savings are not happening for us, only more debt so my kids could have an education. I work so I don’t get SNAP or Medicaid, etc. Am I a minority? When I was a kid it was only the barest minority that lived like the so called Lakewood minority. And to tell you the truth, all kinds of Yidden got along so much better and did not miss all the so-called upscale luxuries in food, clothing, housing, cars, at all, you name it. We had no cliques, Ayin Harah, etc., and you know what I mean.
I meant live like Lakewood majority.
I just want to comment – and I know this comment is from left field here and totally off bat, but I read that saltwater pools are much healthier than chlorine. Chlorine is very unhealthy, in fact. There are chemicals, and they react when contacting anything organic – producing even harsher chemicals. (That’s an important reason to encourage children to go to the bathroom before swimming.) So if someone has a pool, it’s definitely good to have a saltwater system. I don’t know if it costs more, but it’s definitely worth it. Chlorine can cause serious birth-related issues.
(On an additional note, many people who have pools, rent them out to camps, so they make some money like that, and camps have pools. So that is also something to think about. And many people just got their pools with their house.) TY
To put all of this in perspective, look at some other local schools
Howell: $15,900 per student
Brick: $13,900
Jackson: $13,400
Lakewood (public): $16,200 (includes transportation for all children)
We know that the state pays their tuitions, but doesn’t it make you a little proud to know that your child is getting an excellent education at such a bargain?
I cannot comment on the few people that live lavishly when there are many that struggle and sacrifice to guarantee their children get an education. The letter doesn’t apply to most of the town.