Howell Police are investigating after two residents woke up to burglars inside their home, apparently in search of high-end vehicles, police say.
On Thursday, February 29th, at approximately 5:30 a.m., Howell Police were notified via 911 by a homeowner on Ethan Drive that he was woken by a noise on the first floor, and when he went to check the source, he discovered a subject was in his kitchen going through the drawers. When the homeowner confronted the burglar, the suspect immediately fled the residence through the garage and into a waiting vehicle parked in front of the residence.
On this same date and approximate time, in the same neighborhood on Susan Court, forced entry was made to another residence via a living room window. These suspects also fled as the homeowners were awakened by the noise.
Subsequent to the investigation, in both cases, it appears the actors forcibly entered each of these residences to locate keys to high-end vehicles that the homeowners had parked in the driveway. Surveillance video also shows multiple suspects, with some acting as “lookouts.” It also appeared that the suspects arrived in a high-end vehicle, which was possibly stolen from a similar act.
Howell Police are actively investigating these incidents. If any homeowner has additional surveillance footage, please contact the Howell Police Detective Bureau.
Attorney For Suspected Burglars Insists: “My Clients Are Innocent, They Were Simply Waking Up The Homeowners For Shacharis!”
An attorney for several suspects accused of burglarizing two homes in Howell NJ last month – in the wee hours of the morning – insists his clients “are actually good-hearted, innocent individuals” who entered the aforementioned homes for the sole purpose of “awakening the homeowners for shacharis.”
“Every year, when the clocks are changed for daylight savings time,” the attorney said, “these pious clients of mine volunteer their valuable time and energy, quietly entering the homes of various sleepy-heads who won’t make it on time for shacharis unless they are awoken from their deep slumbers.”
“The innocent defendants always make sure to enter the homes discretely,” he said, “and they move about the rooms of the homes as quietly as possible to avoid waking up the rest of the members of the household.”
“Thanks to these masked, hidden tzadikim (pious individuals),” the attorney said, “hundreds of homeowners arrive on time for shacharis each and every year on the day the clock is changed.”
“Instead of arresting these pious masked individuals, who cover their faces while squeezing through the windows, in order to hide their righteous ways from the public, we should be awarding them with the much-coveted, ‘Hidden Tzadikim’ award,” the attorney asserted.
When informed that the daylight savings clock change occured ten days after the aforementioned men had entered the homes, the attorney said: “So these aggrieved hidden tzadikim are going to jail for simply miscalculating the precise day the clocks were supposed to be changed?! Does that seem fair to YOU?!”
The presiding judge, who has already set a date for the suspects’ upcoming trial, has reportedly ordered the court to supply the defendants with 100-year pocket calendars that highlight, in bold letters, the precise day, each and every year, when the clocks are to be changed.
“Carrying around an accurate calendar with you at all times, is an absolute must for all Americans,” the Judge insisted “and even more so, for the hidden tzadikim of the world!”
this country, together with all its lawyers and judges and so-called intelligent citizens, is an embarrassment
So, according to the headline, these Howell residents kept their vehicles inside their homes?
Helpful hint, when the Master of the World gives you a few extra sheqels it’s not for the purpose of leasing high-end vehicles. This was a well known truism in Lakewood until around 11 years ago. It seems some people need a personal wake-up call…
Sticky Fingers strike AGAIN in Howell
There is no again in Howell.