Home burglaries reported over Shabbos in Lakewood

At least two resident are reporting their homes were burglarized over Shabbos.

The burglaries occurred in the 12 Street area.

In both incidents, the burglar(s) reportedly entered the homes via a window.

Lakewood’s Detective Bureau and CSI are investigating.

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  1. Enough already!! Do we have to read about this EVERY SINGLE Motzoei Shabbos??? It is time to have one of these intruders learn a lesson they will never forget.

  2. What does it mean, “Answer the question below to prove you’re human”? I asked my 3 year old the question and he couldn’t answer it. Now I’m worried he may not be human! Are you telling me I brought forth an alien from outer space into the world?!
    I’m sorry, but just because someone is not good in math, that doesn’t mean he’s not human! That’s just plain common sense, like 2+2 =5, I mean 3… No, no, wait, 6. Oh, never mind!

  3. S. Gezunterheit, editor of ‘Cholent Connoisseur Magazine’, says the Lakewood Shabbos burglaries are indicative of the high quality cholents that the Lakewood Community is producing

    “Clearly, these burglars are being lured into these homes by the tantalizing aroma of the high quality cholents,” S. Gezunterheit said.

    “The smell is irresistible, and they climb through the windows to snatch a quick bowl of cholent,” Gezunterheit said, “which gives us a window into the sophisticated palates and taste buds of these looting cholent aficionados.

    S. Gezunterheit advised Lakewood residents to place a few bowls of cholent outside their windows every Shabbos.

    “This will keep the cholent bugrlars outside the homes, rather than inside the homes,” he said. “Throw in a little bit of kishka too, it can’t hurt.”

    Gezunterheit added that he himself experienced break-ins every Shabbos, until he came up with the ultimate solution.

    “I now leave my front door wide open every Shabbos,” he said, “and I put a huge sign over my door that reads, ‘My Cholent, is your cholent!’ I haven’t had any more break-ins. But ironically, I always seem to be low in cash lately. Hmmm… Probably the bank teller short-changing me!.”

  4. My math teacher suspended me from coming to class because I kept failing all the tests. When he asked me what I thought of the suspension, I told him, “Well, you used to have 20 students in class, now you’ve got one less, which makes it 19 students. I hope your happy with that.” He told me he was stunned by that elaborate computation, and he let me back into class.”
    I now work as a teacher’s assistant. My job is to take a head count before and after class. The pay is not great, about 7 dollars an hour, times 8, which is about 43 dollars and sixteen cents, I think……., or maybe 19 cents, not sure……..

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