Rav Volbe writes in Sefer Zriah u’Binyan b’Chinuch that even though the Gemara says that it is forbidden to hit a kid who is over sixteen or according to another opinion 24 years old, according to the way things are in our times, he says, one who hits a kid that is only 3 years old transgresses li’Fnei Iver because the child, even at that age, will rebel against his father. Once upon a time it was possible to hit a child without destroying the relationship between the father and the child, nowadays it is no longer possible. Hitting a child will always destroy the relationship between the parents and the child. The Sefer Minchas Shmuel says in the name of Rav Chaim Volozhin that harsh words do not penetrate or make any positive impact and a parent should only speak softly and with kindness. If in the times of Rav Chaim Volozhin this was the case, certainly it is true in our times and even more so with regards to children.
Times have changed. Rivka was suitable for marriage at age three. Our kids are old enough to rebel at age three. Revach
Ow so know a blog is becoming the new chinuch expert in town ?!?!
so its only bad to hit a child because of the possibility that he will rebel against his father? we are not concered about the pain, humiliation and long term damage it will cause?
i am happy to see this. i came from a large family and my father used to hit. all of my siblings have emotional issues now.
The deep pain of a child who has to rebel against a father who he loves so dearly is a lot greater pain the the physical pain of getting hit. The humiliation is only because the child loves his father so dear. Think about it.
I have no issues with what was stated above.
However, You can NOT establish this as a HALACHA. Halachas are in the Shulchan Oruch based on the gemarah and reshonim plus gedolie Acharonim. In today’s generation no-one creates, invents or otherwise sets NEW Halachas.
Thank you
While I have the utmost respect for Harav Wolbe Zt”l and his contribution to the world of chinuch, it’s ridiculous for TLS to post his mehalech as if it is the ONLY legitimate approach and undisputable halacha. There have been many prominent gedolim who clearly disagreed with this mehalech and held that even today there are times when it’s appropriate to hit children, provided that it’s done with love, not out of anger, rarely and for the right reasons. Everyone should follow their own Moreh Derech.
As an aside, I recently spoke to someone who has been involved with children off the derech from various metro area communities for decades and he told me that there is absolutely not a higher instance of children rebelling against their parents in communities where parents and rabbeim sometimes hit as opposed to communities where hitting is non existent. In fact, he said that the non-hitting communities have a slightly higher rate of kids off the derech.
One of the big hot shot therapist advocates against hitting admitted to me privately that he hits his own kids.
On a related note:A friend of mine who is a therapist (not the one mentioned above) who has a Jewish and nonjewish clientele told me that he used to be puzzled as to why his non jewish clients have much less resentment to their parents, despite having much more legitimate grievances than his frum ones.He came to the conclusion that Frum people are so inundated with articles about how parenting this way or that way causes emotional and other problems, and if you parent like this you would have great results, that it causes a tremendous resentment and feeling that one can blame their parents and schools for all their personal problems and failings.
editor this is clearly a hashkafik issue since the shulchan oruch rules clearly that a father may hit a child (constructivly). Please correct the headline. Thanx
“Don’t Hit Kids Above The Age Of 3” because when they are older they will call the cops on you!!!!!