1. Suspicious Drone Shot Down With 2000 Pound Esrog Missile
   A suspicious, unidentified drone flying hundreds of feet above the Lakewood Arba Minim Shuk on Monday was successfully shot down by officers of the elite Arba Minim Shuk brigade, using a highly sophisticated 2000 pound anti-aircraft esrog missile.
   “The 2000 pound esrog missile is our most expensive esrog,” said Joseph Citrusman, a senior employee at the strategic Arba Minim Shuk. “An esrog of that caliber can cost anywhere between $10,000 and $20,000, not including the gigantic stainess steel esrog box, and the lulav, haddasim and aravos that accompany the esrog.”
   “You won’t find this kind of esrog anywhere else on Earth, except here,” Mr. Citrusman said. “This particular defensive-oriented esrog is grown in our highly secret, underground esrog orchard located just beneath Lake Carasaljo.”
   However, sources are now reporting that the drone was actually a peaceful, civilian drone that was being used by RegalScope Productions, strictly for entertainment purposes, which prompted the Arba Minim Shuk to issue an apology, and to release the following statement just moments ago.
   “Sorry about the mishap,” the Arba Minim Shuk said in the statement, “but we were simply doing our due diligence, because we had no way of knowing whether the drone was an enemy spy UAV that that was being used by a competitor of ours in the arba minim industry, or an innocuous civilan drone.”
   “However”, the statement went on to say, “we would like to offer the entire staff at RegalScope a free set of arbam minim to make amends for this ridiculous mishap.”

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