The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a warning that over 650 people have been confirmed to be sickened – and more than than 130 hospitalized – with salmonella in an outbreak across 37 states, including New Jersey, believed to be linked to onions grown in Chihuahua, Mexico.
The CDC has ordered businesses to immediately stop selling fresh whole red, yellow, and white onions grown in Chihuahua, Mexico, and distributed by ProSource Inc. The agency is also urging anyone who has bought these products to immediately throw them away, and to throw away onions whose place of origin is not known.
“If you can’t tell where the onions are from, don’t buy or eat them,” the CDC said.
Salmonella symptoms generally start six hours to six days after ingesting the offending food, and the majority of people recover after four to seven days without medical treatment. Symptoms include diarrhea, fever, vomiting, and stomach cramps.
However, salmonella is far more dangerous for children under 5 years old, individuals over 65 years old, and those with compromised immune systems.
When I saw the headline of this post, I initially thought this was a satire piece, because, quite frankly, I haven’t heard of anyone coming down with Salmonella after reading “The Onion”. And thus, the notion of an Onion-linked Salmonella outbreak seemed preposterous to me. But then I realized that this post is referring to the eating of onions, and not “The Onion” website. Hence I concluded that this post, in all likelihood, is not satire, but real news. However, I am a tad bit skeptical about this post, because it seems more likely that salmonella would be linked to salmon, and not onions, which are more likely to cause Onionella, not salmonella – but what do I know.
Following the so common in Lakewood mindset that the CDC is just another corrupt governmental agency, whose very purpose of existence is only to control the citizens, and every guidance aims to curtail people’s freedoms, the oilam should davka consume the affected onions from Mexico, preferably raw!!!
If one gets ill therefrom – nu, it’s usually only a mild illness, and commonly available and cheap antibiotics prevent deaths, so few fatalities aren’t going to stop freedom-loving onion eaters from continuing to enjoy their favorite food.
If one does NOT get sick – salmonella is anyway a scam perpetrated by the Democrats. Likewise, the Big Pharma is aiming to frighten people into eating their own onion varieties, and anyone who votes Republican sees right through that.
If in doubt, follow what your neighbors do, read online information about how many innocent people died from stopping to eat onions, and do not trust any doctors, except the ones who recommend exotic potions and veterinary remedies.
If still unsure – ask your LOR, who is obviously an expert on infectious diseases in general, AND on onions in particular.
Always remember that so many traditional Jewish recipes contain onions, and there is absolutely no way that you should submit to tyranny and modify your way of life only because of some antisemitic government guidelines. Instead, gather full congregations to eat onions in public, have onion parties with dancing, and sincerely hope that the next governor will quickly remove all the possible restrictions on your cherished vegetable.
Nobody is doing to tell us what to do. Nobody!
Wow! Best biting parody I’ve seen here in a loooong time. So true!
SUPER! You made my day! 🙂
Onion tears. You are a freaking idiot. I really thought I heard it all. But you are the epitome of pathetic.
You seriously need a psychiatrist and it’s a real shame that we have somebody so simple and stupid in our community.
Maybe after u get salmonella u’l understand how absolutely sick u feel and will neva make such a pathetic comment again
@Onion Tears.
I know of a very good Psychologist and Mental Health practice in Lakewood that might, and I repeat might, be able to help you with your major psychological issues. Get a life and don’t be so paranoid. Noone’s coming after u. PS: Definitely don’t get the covid vaccine. I heard it has a chip that allows ur every move and thought to be tracked.
@Jenny and Psychologist
It appears that the two of you lack basic sense of humor, and cannot recognize satire, at all.
It is also obvious that the post which you criticized, without comprehension, was exactly that – a parody of mindlessness which has become so common in Lakewood, a parody which the poster at 2:22 readily recognized as such.
Shall we call your condition Psycho-Jennyc?