Bachurim apologize, make donation to local organization after crashing parlor meeting

Neighborhood parlor meeting around town almost always attract local Bachurim, who come for an extra bite after night Seder.

Recently, a group of Bachurim attended a local event, but when an attendee made a comment to them that it was intended for Baalei Batim, they apologized and left.

The next day, they sent this letter to the organization.


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  1. If all they did was to sit down and eat a little , I don’t think it was appropriate to send them away. Unless they were being disruptive ,which it does not sound like they were.

  2. Way to go boys. Bochurim have to realise that these events are meant exclusively for people who will be giving that mossad a donation not for Bochurim who don’t like their yeshiva supper.

  3. Very special. You do something you think is fun. Then you find out that it is not so much fun for the hosts. And you are a big mentsch to apologize….
    Please list the names of the boys for Shidduchim purposes! Very mature boys indeed!

  4. When u open ur home to the public and u invite all to come
    All should b invited
    So much food goes in the garbage
    The bochrim add to the room counts and should never be asked to leave
    Some times they even give a dollar

    • well said why treat them as 2nd class citizens?
      the food gets thrown out anywats, and they make a lebedige matzav
      so????why is it all about the money
      i am a yungerman who goes to eat and gives a few shekel when i can
      but add to the atmosphere which is really what its all about so please do dot ddiscriminaate against our future tzaddikim


  5. pretty interesting your being nice by making a fundraising event to “help”. and then go and send out boys that were there. There’s a story in the gimoro about this……..

  6. If course these bochurim should be thrown out don’t come to things ur not invited to. Same goes to weddings that u don’t even know the names why you there. Maybe they should start going to work lunchs because food is gonna go to waste. If they want they can send one guy to ask the host for the leftovers after the event is over

  7. As someone who is involved in arranging these kinds of events, I can tell you that it costs the organizations axtra money, that they don’t have, as they have to order extra food knowing that the Bachurim will be coming and eating a lot.

    The big events, held in Lake Terrace and Bais Faga, maybe can afford it, but the smaller organizations that make it in smaller halls or in people’s homes, do not have big budgets and the bochurim eating hurts their bottom line in a real way.

    I am not advocating that the organizations should ban the bachurim. I am advocating thatthe yeshivos hold their bochurim back from going and explain to them that they are hurting the mosdos, as these boys obviously realized and apologized for.

    Its not a matter of being a 2nd class citizen, its a matter of knowing your place in life. There’s a time and a place ofr everyone and everything. it’s not a hefker velt.

    Personally, I dont let my children eat at any of these events that they go to. If they want to go to hear the music or the speaker, fine, but to eat, I teach them is not proper.

  8. i’m happy to see that these boys got the message, and did the right thing to apologize.
    to people that think – whats wrong, everyone is invited… – you obviously were never involved in hosting/organizing a fundraising event. as the name implies, it is an event to attract people to come and donate money. it is not a soup kitchen meant to feed the masses. many organizations have lost thousands of dollars feeding bochurim, plus it ruined the event in future years, since it lowered the prestige of the event to be able to attract baalei batim since it was turned into a Thursday night chulent party for bachurim.
    NO, the hosts and the organizations are not happy that all these “extra bodies” are there to fill up the room and make it “lebedik”…
    if you ask a rav that deals with choshen mishpat – if you can crash someones event, simcha, party etc. when you know it is not meant for you, and the hosts are not happy about it, and you want to take food “because it will be thrown out anyways” (you reason) … i am sure he will tell you it is gezeila.
    p.s. kamtza and bar kamtza is a totally different situation. it is not a license to “crash” and steal food from other peoples parties just because the front door is open.
    bottom line – think before you take

  9. A parlor meeting is not a Party Chasunas or Sheva Brachos. It is a fundraising event for a tzedakah. Often a very different atmosphere then a party.

  10. Hi as a person involved in the food aspect of these events I can tell you there is always extra food and bachurim aren’t for the most part disruptive and don’t make your donation amounts go down in size. Is it the right thing that they “crash” no but to have a grudge against boys isn’t the best way to go but tizku limitzvos

  11. An organization makes a parlor meeting to raise funds. The food is there as an incentive to have people come , when they come hopefully they will give. If buchrim come (and normally they don’t just come 1 or 2 together) “to eat supper” there is a possibility the the food will be gone by the time potential supporters come. How does this look for the organization. People may think or make comments that they don’t order enough which in turn can prevent people from coming to future parlor meetings of theirs.

  12. Idk by I go to weddings all the time ( even here is a gif band/singer) I almost never take food as for its not mine
    I do put on a tie as not to stick out.
    I think it’s totally fine for that.
    something in a private house is not the same as a wedding and as long as u have a tie (and u leav ur Tefilen out of the hall) u should be able to join (and join the dancing if the crowd is fading out)

  13. If you give food to people who need it. God in return will give you food as well. Maybe the boy’s were not invited but better not to throw them out. Pehaps You could explain to them in a caring way why they should not come next time. Many boys classify as aniyim.

  14. The wisdom here is unbelievable – perhaps this is not really news, and if you make a parlor meeting you should ask a shailah, and then if bachurim come, you should speak to them gently as to the psak din, and not have 90000 opinions

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