For years, I’ve worked as a therapist at a drug and alcohol rehab. For many people, addiction is something that is very difficult to grasp. Why would someone give up everything they care about in their life for a drink? It’s a good question. It’s such a good question that usually, the person struggling with the addiction asks it of himself as well.
Let’s take Shloimy as an example. Shloimy has struggled with alcohol for years. Whenever he drinks he can’t stop. His marriage is on the rocks, he’s disconnected from his kids and he keeps getting fired from every job and is financially broke. Shloimy has tried to stop drinking many times. He is usually able to stop drinking for about a week but then falls right back in. It always starts with the same thought. “I can take just one drink, it’ll be fine” Shloimy thinks to himself. It always ends the same way as well, complete devastation.
What is wrong with Shloimy? Is he insane? He’s done the same thing, again and again with the same results. Yet he keeps rationalizing his drinking with the same thought that he knows is false. What’s going on?
It’s easy to judge Shloimy. But before we do that, let’s look at ourselves for a moment. Do we not all have behaviors that we do again and again that we regret yet continue doing? Do we not procrastinate, argue with loved ones, lash out in anger, cheat on our diets, and act selfishly with the same old rationalizations, time and time again? While none of these rise to the severity of Shloimy’s problem, the process is the same. Understanding Shloimy will help all of us with our own, lesser struggles.
Addiction is complex, and while the following addresses a crucial aspect of treatment, it is by no means comprehensive. What’s important is the takeaway for all human struggles.
The human brain, and by extension, our personalities are compartmentalized. Each part of the brain produces different thought processes, emotions, and perceptions. Have you ever been torn between two sides of something? What’s happening is that two parts of your brain, and by extension, you, are conflicted. Each part of the personality has its own perception of reality that differs from other parts.
Have you ever worn sunglasses? When you wear sunglasses, the grass on your lawn may look brown instead of green. Imagine you were wearing sunglasses, but didn’t know that you were. The grass looks brown. If someone would try to convince you that the grass is green it would be a pointless conversation. Your eyes are telling you that the grass is brown. However, if the same person would point out that you are wearing sunglasses, you would then be able to take them off and see that the grass is green.
Our brain has multiple pairs of sunglasses. It has the sunglasses of anger, resentment, jealousy, fear, inadequacy, shame, hurt and pain. When we don’t know that we are wearing sunglasses, we see our spouses, children, friends, and ourselves through a distorted perception of reality. Yet because we are wearing sunglasses, we are unaware of the distortion. We are utterly convinced of the truth of our perception in the moment. That’s how Shloimy and all of us keep falling for the same old thoughts time and time again. The part of you that knows these thoughts and behaviors to be a problem is unavailable when you are wearing sunglasses. Hence, we keep repeating the same mistakes again and again, only to realize our mistake when the sunglasses come off. But then it’s too late.
The solution to this is simple but not easy. We’ve all tried criticizing ourselves or arguing with ourselves to change our behaviors. That is ineffective, because when we are wearing sunglasses, we are convinced of the truth of our perception in the moment. Instead, we can start noticing the fact that we are wearing sunglasses. The act of noticing is equivalent to someone telling you that you’re wearing sunglasses. For example, if you are angry, instead of believing the reality that the sunglasses of your anger presents, do something different. You can become aware of the fact that you are wearing the sunglasses of anger. While you may still feel the anger, everything will change. Although the anger remains, you now are aware that you are wearing sunglasses. That empowers you to see the grass as brown, but not act on it. You know that while in this moment things appear a certain way, you don’t need to believe in the truth of that perception and you don’t need to speak or act from it either. You are free to then choose a new pair of sunglasses.
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