Anxiety And Depression Among Youths In The Frum Community

teen drugs(A response from a reader to this article, posted on TLS) Thank you TLS for posting this article. Althought the article does not state anything statististics about anxiety and depression among youths in the frum community, this applies EQUALLY to the frum community as well. We live in a world where parents have never been faced with the challenges that their kids were faced with. A world where parents THINK they understand their kid’s problems yet that is impossible if the parent has never been in their child’s shoes. A world where we can never really know what your child is all about. A world full of falseness, shame, fear, pain. A world where there is so much distrust between teacher-student, parent-child, peer-peer, mentor-recipient, etc. A world where there were thousands campaigning to legalize toeivah marriages. A world where there is so much emotional, physical, and mental abuse. A world where children are afraid to tell their secrets. A world where parents are in denial about their children’s problems. A world where there is so much silent suffering. A world that is so judgemental. etc etc etc etc

As a result, we live in a world where the same children that are afraid to tell their secrets, turn to drugs in secret. The same children whose parents overlook their problems, overlook the drug problem that developes when they are teens. A world where the physical, emotional, mental abuse lead to anxiety, depressions=drugs. A world where there is so much silent suffering=anxiety, depression=drugs.

We as parents have an extremely crucial job in this world. We have to withstand the corruption, the pain, the awful harms that our children have to go thru.

What are you going to do for your child? What are you going to do to show you care? How are you going to be there for your child, when they see that life is just not fair for them? All because your child looks frum and looks like he/she has no issues, you never know what they carry around in their heart.

I remain,
Certified RN
Lakewood, NJ

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66 COMMENTS

  1. what’s worse is that there are very limited resources here in Lakewood . Our schools are truly in need of social workers who are Bnei Torah. that last point is crucial because only someone who has the same yeshivishe mentality and has grown up in the same environment can understand these kids without all the garbage that’s infiltrated from the college system . Let TLS be a call for action and not just sensless nagging . An issue comes up here let’s act on it , and move on . But we do have a serious issue on our hands that most parents don’t realize because of lack of education on the subject , until its too late.

  2. Another issue that I believe should be brought up on this topic is the severe financial burden that therapy can place on a family. Not every family can afford to spend another $125 a week for each session of the much needed therapy. It is for this reason many parents dont send their children for the help. Can we put together some confidential program in which people can donate to the cause? A system in which those in need of therapy but lack the means to pay for it can indeed still get the help.

    Anyone have any ideas?

  3. To askan
    That is exactly the problem your busy with a stupidity (compared to the problems of today)and not addressing the drugs girls and other teivos that are much worse
    And to the author of the article
    You are writing this as a professional “RN” I’m curious to what makes you a professional in this subject bec you are an RN ?!?!
    Unless you are writing this as a parent in that case your status as a RN is irrelevant

  4. Moshe ( #6) ,

    Good point. I always wondered how someone who went to school for two years plus yeshiva and seminary credits can charge $120 for a 45 minute session with no overhead, and no traveling.

    Many professions with even more years of schooling will take 10 years experience if ever to reah that salary level.

    Also, I’ve heard from quite a few people in the profession while they’re in school, that they chose this profession because they feel that they can help people etc… How many people can they help at these rates at once or twice a week?

    Having said the above, I’m not questioning the profession or the fact that they trully do help people and I certainly do not begrudge them making a living, but really now, $160 per hour ( pro-rated)?!

  5. to #6— there happens to be a program that has recently started in lakewood which is completely confidential. Contact a local therapist to find out about it.

    to #7- my title Cert RN has nothing to do with the article. I am free to choose whatever name i want to write my article under.
    “That is exactly the problem your busy with a stupidity (compared to the problems of today)and not addressing the drugs girls and other teivos that are much worse”————————
    This is exactly my point!!! My point is that our children suffer so much and so, we as parents must take care of their problems so they dont develop into anxiety, depression which leads to worse things like “drugs, girls and other teivos” as u stated in your comment. Im trying to point out the underlying reason why there is so much anxiety, depression, and drugs in the fum community. If you don’t like my article, no problem, you don’t have to like it.

  6. One of the main problems is that our schools are extremely underfunded and overburdened and financially strapped . Therefore they have absolutely no money available for professional help and guidance that many of our boys and girls really need . Couple that with the large class sizes that come along with a low tuition base ,especially here in Lakewood by our high schools ,and its no wonder that this is happening . Until we fund our schools properly and make more schools with smaller classes so that every student gets personal attention then this problem will only get worse . Every parent thinks that threy are “yoitze ” by giving their scholol 3500 in tuition . They dont realize that that causes big classes and no money for anything other than teachers who dont have the time or qualifications to be social workers . We just dont care about our children enough .

  7. Rabosai when will we realize that # 11 has hit the nail on the head .we have money for everything but our kids ,we build big houses drive nice cars go to nice restaurants even here in lakewood .but when its time to pay tuition so we can have classes of 22 instead of 30 or 35 so that every kid gets personal attention instead of being a number in a sardine can room full of kids and so our schools can hire professional to help our kids ,then all of a sudden we have no money and we pay the minimum . then we go write posts about the evil schools and why they dont make bigger class sizes so that there is room for everybody . its mind boggling what has become of us

  8. we should all read a great parenting book titles” happiness is homemade”
    it has changed my families life! & it can change yours too!
    you must work on yourself & your ability to be mechanech your children.

    you learned how to drive a car, use a pc, learn how to talk to & raise kids too!!!

  9. i read the 500 comments in the high scholl posts recently It doesnt sound like too many people cared that there arent enough scholls and that our children end up in big classes .Because if they did they wouldnt be writing that we have enough schools and its just that the school heads dont want to make bigger classes /

  10. Here ye, # 14. Let us stop blaming the system and start taking responsibity for ourselves as parents. Like a gudol hador once said answering a talmid about when to start chinuch of his child, chinuch starts with YOU, way before you even get married! ( I’m paraphrasing and I don’t remember who said it).

  11. Our society in Lakewood believes that chinuch starts and ends with the school and that its somebody elses responsibility not the parents to make and pay for those schools . If that is not the case we would have enough schools for everybody

  12. #9 Not true I know myself that insurances will not cover, being that I have been to these physcyotrists my self. The amount of money that they charge is absurd, they think that they went to school for two years they know better then anyone else, in my opinion they are out for themselves and as soon as the hour is over they are rushing you out so fast, you cant belive it. Another problem is that half of these disorders are blown up and invented so they can make the $150 dollars per hour. Thank G-D I have a femalely member in the field who helped me out big time. I must say that there are definitely good honest therapists that are out to help people but from my own experience I feel the way I feel.

  13. professionals have told me that 80 % of these problems stem from parents leaving chinuch to the schools and that the schools are so poor and dont have the money to hire professionals and that in a class of over 20 the teacher just cant pay attention to every student

  14. I share the experience of #18. Not only that, when I went to speak to the therapist years later about her behavior (as opposed to running to blogs)she acknowledged that she KNEW she was telling me false information about her ability to make me better, but she justified it on the grounds that since therapy is so valuable and helpful, even bending the truth is justified to keep people in therapy (and paying her…)Let me add.This lady is (1) EXTREMELY respected in the therapy
    field (2)she sincerely believed she was doing the right thing (3)my experience doesn’t speak for everyone.I still think therapy is sometimes worth trying.

  15. This is an extremly important issue, and it has not nealy garnished the

    amount of attention that it needs. The first thing ofcourse is that

    people need to become aware (or more aware) of the issue. Thankfully

    more and more people are, so thats good.

    Secondly, as was mentioned, professionals have the chutzpah to

    charge exorbitent amounts, the same people who yell that people

    need to be sending their kids…well why do you suck out everyones

    money…?

    However, as another blogger mentioned, it is true that there are

    insurance plans that cover alot of it, however, MANY FRUM

    THERAPISTS DO NOT TAKE INSURANCE BECAUSE THEY LOOSE

    MORE MONEY BY TAKING INSURANCE. However, as mentioned,

    there are therapists that do accept insurance and who do truely care,

    and they should be commended..

    There are things however that parents themselves can do. Too many

    parents are more concerned with thier childs grades over anything

    else. If you hope to create an emotionally healthy child then strive to

    create HAPPYNESS IN THE HOME AND OPENESS IN YOUR

    RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR CHILD. Forget about grades! Too

    many boys waste their days sitting in a class being intimidated by

    the smarter kids or not following a shiur which is too above their

    heads, being taught by a teacher who is trying to show off how

    lumdish he is.

    Instead, become a friend of your child. Build up his strengths. Hint to

    him how you admire his abilities and have a good time with him. If your

    not willing to take time off of your busy schedule to spend time

    bonding with your child, aside from being a money hungry brat, you

    may end up spending it all on your kids therapist, who has the

    chutzpah of not taking insurance!

  16. BTW, you need a Bachelors Degree, a Masters Degree, and 2 years internship to be licensed in order to charge that kind of money. That is a total of at least 8 years of studying and working for free after high school before you even can see any money from this type of job. Anyone who chooses this field is, therefore, deemed a professional and deserves every penny. Of course, there are good and bad therapists, but they have to go through a VERY rigorous program before they can be licensed by the state to practice. Then they have to pay all the loans back that they took to get that far! And open their own practice? It ain’t instant free money, folks!

  17. #18 Yes I can this what happened to me and I have full right to voice my opinion, that is what comments are all about they don’t have to be only ones that you approve of. Did you suffer the way I did?? There are many people that experienced it that will agree with me.

  18. you say

    ” A world where parents THINK they understand their kid’s problems yet that is impossible if the parent has never been in their child’s shoes. A world where we can never really know what your child is all about. A world full of falseness, shame, fear, pain. A world where there is so much distrust between teacher-student, parent-child, peer-peer, mentor-recipient, etc. A world where there were thousands campaigning to legalize toeivah marriages. A world where there is so much emotional, physical, and mental abuse. A world where children are afraid to tell their secrets. A world where parents are in denial about their children’s problems. A world where there is so much silent suffering. ”

    you must be a little kid who just got there RN degree . you think its tougher now than in europe before the war? the hell they went through or the war generation ? or the counterculture gen of the 60s and 70s who were born to emotial riuned parents who were were surviviors ?

    you dont know what your talking about there was pot all over the place in the 60s and 70s.

    The differences today is that our children our spoiled and our society lives a double standard. if the parents and the schools and our society would stop the double standard , the parents would stop living spoiled life styles and stop spoiling the children, and we would accept our kids for what and who they are no matter what , the need for drugs would drop .

    depression does not in itself equal drugs , if they were looking to get through the depression there are many other ways to get through depression. people who survived the war and lost there whole families and cities managed somehow. its the fact that they have lost the will , unmotivated , nothing to look forward to , no light at the end of the tunnel, they have given up.

    if you would accept your kids unconditionally for what they are , and our schools would accept there kids for what and who they are ect we would be losing a lot less.

    change yourself before you try to change the world.

  19. the kids need more kosher outlets.Whats wrong with boys yeshivos having some time for sports.Lakewood is so black and white, not all boys can keep up such a rigorous schedule.we have to stop putting such high amount of pressures on out children so they can succeed.

  20. What is in need in this town is parent and schools not only pushing for kids to learn all day, and be Yeshivish as some say. This town should focus on teaching the kid to be G-D fearing and Live like Bnei Torah.

    A Bnei Torah is not someone who learns all day. Not saying not to learn all day if you could but A true Bnei Torah is someone that fears hashem and lives the right ways of the torah not taking think out of hand,,,,,,

  21. to #25
    its parents like you that are ruining their children! you honestly believe that the generation before the war had the same life style and challenges as we currently face everyday? did you take your meds this morning? true the pre-war generation suffered immensely but that does not mean they were in the same shoes as we are in now. are biggest challenge today is to fight people like you who try to convince the world that nothing has changed and the way to travel should remain by horse or boat! wake up cuz we are in a new time and generation and living with new challenges that no other generation has ever seen!

  22. the problem in this town is that we are all too judgemental.. The kids feel they have to live up to everyone elses image of themselves and they cant do it..it creates a tremedous amount of stress and anxiety. Instead of feeling accepted the schools want children to fit into a mold a cookie cutter..if you arent a cookie cutter and just the same as everyone else you are told to go to school elsewhere…what kind of message does that send to our children?? We shouldall be the same and think the same and act the same and pretend we are the same???Where does it say in the Torah we all have to be the same? What happened to Al Pi Darko?

  23. #28 good point. Lets focus more on teaching kids to fear Hashem and to use their abilities and strengths. They will then be happier with themselves and will become more confident and hopefully will avoid the scary ailments that are prevelent.

    But why the second TLS writes about anything under the sun do some bloggers start getting nasty about everything in education? Yes there are problems, but chill out!!!!!!!!! There is alot of good too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Once again you are blaming a parental problem on the schools . Plaese know the following : Every child is different as you correctly state . Therefore there needs to be different schools for different needs . There are some very smart children that will not do well if they are not highly stimulated in a strong academic environment ,while there are some very nice and fine kids of average intelligence that will do terrible in the same highly challenging and stimulating school . many schools are different and can cater to the different types of kids . It is a PARENTS job to know their child and to know whethher or not a certain school is appropriate for them . I know of children that did not thrive because they lacked stimulation in a school that did not challenge them enough academically . They were bored and ended up filling their time with inappropriate behavior . I also know other children who could not handle the pressure of their parents having sent them to a high academic standard school when they werent up to it . If parents wou;d be honest with themselves we would be fine . Most bloggers have written that its all the schools fault and that every kid should be ebtitled to get into the “school of their choice ” / That is total nonsense . We need a variety of schools ,some focusing on high academics for some kids and others focusing on other things for other kids . Its just a matter of knowing what is right for your kid . In lakewood most parents are not honest and just fight to get into a schooll that “past ” even if it is not the right one for their child . I have sent different children to different schools even though I had connections to get them all into the mor “in ” schools . And b”h they all thrived in their own way . The first question I asked the menahel or menaheles after my child was interviewed was .” do you think my child will do better somewhere else ?” And when the answer was “of course I will take you because of your proteksia ,but in all honesty I think they might do better in a smaller less pressured school like school X then I heeded that advice . And guess what , those kids turned out the best . Of course for those that were very bright and motivated I sent them to the challenging schools .Bottom line its the parents job to send each child to the right school and NO it is not anbodys right to get into the school of their choice if that school is not the appropriate one for that child

  25. One thing is clear. The time has long passed for there to be some real mechanism for Identification in our Private school system, just like they have in the Public school system.. Anything less should be considered derelict!

    I’m not saying the schools have to pay for “fixing” the issue.. (I do believe, and will double-check, that our schools are indeed already receiving federal funding under IDEA Act for a child-find Program) But at the very least they should be professionally trained to recognize and attempt to properly refer a suspected problem.

    Sadly, in the bigger schools (LCS comes to mind, but perhaps with the new management we will see positive change in this area) they can barely cope with basic management – especially in the 7th & 8th grades – that they don’t even have a clue on where to begin and how to properly handle a child experiencing an onset of these difficult challenges.

    Perhaps.. Instead of the Igud getting together only on issues related to how many more tax dollars they can each receive or whom to vote into office.. I would expect them to actually collaborate on how best to deal with the universal issue of less-than perfect students (referral, financial and otherwise..)
    If the Menahalim/Administrators can scream and kick up dust for more and more $$$$ because they “truly” claim they don’t want to leave any one child behind, then why aren’t we seeing constructive meetings concerning best practice standards related to catching and referring our tayereh neshamos before they fall through the other cracks..

    We all understand that “ultimately” the schools cannot replace the parental responsibilities.. But at the same time, if they do make the personal choice to enter the business of educating yiddishe kinder, then they also share in that “ultimate” responsibility!

    How many more wake-up calls do we, as a community, need before we begin instituting corrective action??!!

  26. One thing is clear. The time has long passed for there to be some real mechanism for Identification in our Private school system, just like they have in the Public school system.. Anything less should be considered derelict!

    I’m not saying the schools have to pay for “fixing” the issue.. (I do believe, and will double-check, that our schools are indeed already receiving federal funding under IDEA Act for a child-find Program) But at the very least they should be professionally trained to recognize and attempt to properly refer a suspected problem.

    Sadly, in the bigger schools (LCS comes to mind, but perhaps with the new management we will see positive change in this area) they can barely cope with basic management – especially in the 7th & 8th grades – that they don’t even have a clue on where to begin and how to properly handle a child experiencing an onset of these difficult challenges.

    Perhaps.. Instead of the Igud getting together only on issues related to how many more tax dollars they can each receive or whom to vote into office.. I would expect them to actually collaborate on how best to deal with the universal issue of less-than perfect students (referral, financial and otherwise..)

    If the Menahalim/Administrators can scream and kick up dust for more and more $$$$ because they “truly” claim they don’t want to leave any one child behind, then why aren’t we seeing constructive meetings concerning best practice standards related to catching and referring our tayereh neshamos before they fall through the other cracks..

    We all understand that “ultimately” the schools cannot replace the parental responsibilities.. But at the same time, if they do make the personal choice to enter the business of educating yiddishe kinder, then they also share in that “ultimate” responsibility!

    How many more wake-up calls do we, as a community, need before we begin instituting corrective action??!!

  27. The sibling status situation in Lakewood is to blame for a lot of this . There are some very fine schools that evaluate each child and in some cases alert parents to the fact that 1 or 2 out of their 8 or 10 children might thrive better in a different school . Then the parents get all bent out of shape and say how can you say that after all I am a sibling in your school .

  28. Its nice that everyone thinks the teens are having anxiety. What about us adults, we’re also full of anxiety.

    How many couples and young families are struggling to live in todays world, with no money, with an overworked wife, who takes care of everything in the house plus works a full day, exhausted, a husband who can never see his family because he’s got do 1st, 2nd, 3rd seder and before davening, and do drop offs and pickups. And our society doesn’t accept when the husband finally wants to go to work, he is villified by his family and by the community and by his rebbeim.

    And everyone knows that this 100% true, we have created a society where people can’t just be themselves, cant live their lives the way thats best for them (being true bnei torah in the process).

    So thats a perfect recipe for anxiety and disaster.

  29. To Tls
    Could you explain why you do not post certain comments ., I wrote a lengthy comment that in no way was offfensive to anybody and I see that you are not putting it on .

  30. I have to agree with #30. Everyone needs to be the same or they are not completely accepted. That causes stress in life that are unnecessary because we are really not the same!

  31. Reading the comments above you would think that mental illness is all the fault of Yeshivas and or having standards and aspirations.What evidence does anyone have for that?Do other groups without our standard avoid mental illness?Why do girls have even more issues then boys despite having a much easier schedule?(Someone I know who works in a short term mental hospital near Lakewood told me as is the case with the rest of society most of the patients -frum or not- are women or girls.

  32. I haven’t had the time to read through all the comments here. All I can say is that to check the facts,just call any LCSW(otherwise known as psychotherapist)in town. Shimon Russel has approximately a two year wait to see him!! Meshulem Epstein who has become the “king of OCD”in Lakewood has a 6 month wait when he had NO wait just two years ago. Two years ago Shimon Russel had a six month wait. Do you see what’s happening here? And still these issues get brushed under the rug!!

  33. If SR has a two year wait and ME has a 6 month one, obviously these things are not getting pushed under the rug.(And there are plenty of other therapists in Lakewood to go to)

  34. #43,there mayb many therapists in Lakewood, however none seem to have the reputation of both sr me. Not everyone who calls himself a therapist is actualy qualified. If there are others that you can recommend,please do us that service.

  35. #44 There is a Dr Horowitz in Lakewood, I went to a bunch of people and he was the most caring and professional Dr. I went to. I would highly recommend him. I met him somewhere, many months after the last time I saw him and he asked me, how are things you can give me a call. This shows that he is looking at the people as people, it meant a lot to me. KOL HAKAVODE DR. HAROWITZ!!

  36. For six months every second of the day I THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE! The only reasons i didn’t commit was bec i didn’t want to cause my parents pain and my belief that kol hamiabed atzmo ladas ein lo chelek liolam habo. These are the words in my hell. I am twenty years old now and am part of the children the article talks about. I am writing from a slow phone but will bh try to write my story and the lessons that can be learned from it in the future.

  37. Perhaps the children would have less stress and anxiety if they had their mothers home when they were babies/toddlers? Can a babysitter with many children in her care or a day care center give babies/toddlers the love and attention they need to grow up emotionally normal? Can some frum social workers/therapists please comment on this thought? Of course, I know this will entail the husband going to work sooner than later but isn’t that what the kesuba states as the husband’s obligation?

  38. To trachtglat,
    You are always on the mark. I think that it would be a great idea for you to get involved in. Go out to the schools, figure out a way to fund this project and have the schools hire you as a consultant to raise the funds and rectify the problem.

  39. I think you should focus on learning and let go of this blog. If more people would be learning, there would less tzaros in Klal Yisrael.
    Instead of focusing on mental illness of others, worry about your learning. Nothing else matters. Just to think of getting a job is shocking. I am embarrassed to even read some of the comments of this board.
    Remember, Talmud Torah Kneged Kulam.
    And stop worrying so much ,have some Bitachon. My eitza is to learn Chovas Hallevavos.

  40. sam is a sham who never ate ham but wishes he can if it wasnt a ban its not that the can of cran with ham is in a van its that a man without a plan is zan

  41. Indeed, the problems of our society are manifold. anxiety, depression, ocd, crack addiction, internet addiction.

    Ah yes! internet addiction. Very bad.

    Lack of schools, lack of good teachers, lack of good parents.
    Classes are too large, people dont work.
    too much lashon hara.

    Ah yes! lashon hara. very bad….never do that.

    Bad politics, bad policemen, too much snow.

    Ah yes! snow is a white powdery substance.

    yes its a sad day for the bloggers
    every day is a sad day for bloggers.

  42. Can a babysitter with many children in her care or a day care center give babies/toddlers the love and attention they need to grow up emotionally normal? Can some frum social workers/therapists please comment on this thought?

    Pretty unlikely because most of them left their kids with babysitters themselves.

  43. sam! seyug l’chuchma shtika! you are exactly the one who should get a job and stop fooling yourself that your torah learning is the emes and the torah Hashem gave us! did you forget about Yissuchar and Zevulun? oh they must have got it all wrong!? why is the world would someone work!? well guess what not everyone won the lottery this yr so in order to feed you they work! lets not forget all the tanaim, amoraim, rishonim, achronim…… that worked to support their family. Did you ever learn the 6th perek of brachos? well learn it again!

  44. I have been told by someone who is involved with teens at risk that the problem is more prevalent with boys than girls.
    there seems to be several reasons for this general stress:

    -lack of shalom bayis (maybe due to financial stress)
    -dysfunctional parents
    -mental disorders ocd, add, adhd, bipolar
    -abuse, and abuse victims not being acknowledged and helped but rather told to be quiet and go away
    -learning disabilities
    -schools that are academically too challenging with no breaks
    -pressure to conform to a very restrictive society where the color of a boys shirt indicates a problem
    -judgemental neighbors and teachers

    that being said, there seem to be alot more yeshivas now for boys that cannot do the all day gemara thing. Parents have to be realistic in knowing what their kid can handle. Kids are their own people, not extensions of their parents, as hard as it is for parents to realize this.

    also re: stressed adults- I knew someone who works for a local doctor who told me that you wouldnt believe how many women in town are on valium. (of course she didnt mention names)
    why do you think this is?

  45. I think the point made by RN have nailed certain issues on the head. However growing up there was no way for my parents to keep up with me in regards to tech.
    You also placed great emphasis on therapy/physiologist however I have friends who have been to the therapist, taken the necessary presriptios and have still not integrated 100 percent into the yeshivish society.

    It seems to me that there won’t necessarily be a perfect answer for each and every individual. The only thing that us as parents/adults is to be there showing support for them as human beings and just because they aren’t yeshivish doesn’t mean they aren’t frum.

  46. It seems like there many compliants here about the lack of effiacy of therapists from those who tried it.Perhaps a forum on that should be written.Maybe I’ll volunteer but I would have to know if TLS would print a letter on such a topic first.

  47. to suicidel (suicidal)———————————can you please put ur story out? it would be a gr8 eye opener for all the ppl who commented on here who think they are smarter than eo else

  48. Why should anyone get a job when he can sit and learn.
    There are no taxes to worry about, and there are many programs one can get on they pay for whatever you need.
    All the morals I need to know should be learnt from Musar Seforim.There is no reason to get a job to learn morals. I hate to wonder where your Hashkafa is coming from.
    And yes, I learnt the 6th perek of Brachos, many times. I do not see at all how that is shayich to me.
    There is no chiyav to work, even according to the K’suba, only if you have money ,you have to support your wife. Learn the sugya in kesovoos with the Machlokes in Tosfos.

  49. “also re: stressed adults- I knew someone who works for a local doctor who told me that you wouldnt believe how many women in town are on valium. (of course she didnt mention names)”

    taking valium when pregnant can cause birth defects in babies. whoever this woman is should make these women aware of this. these women are probably overloaded with too many responsibilities. (if this is indeed a true statement – that many women in town are on valium – we need some brave souls to bring this to the attention of the rabbanim so they can attemp some possible solutions to the overburdened wives/mothers.)

  50. I am the parent of a teen who is having difficulty coping. He got in with a bad group of freinds (he has since jettisened them) and after much agmus nefesh, he is trying to put himself together. Guess what? Some “brilliant” big shots in our shul decided that he will not be allowed to do that. They have gone around and labeled him, litterly made sure that he can not make freinds with the “good boys” of our neighborhood. Who does that leave him with to be freinds with? They have astrosized and blackballed him and then raise the roof when his parents dare to complain at what they did. They don’t have the guts to speak to his parents directly. They have decided they are judge and jury (boy are they in for a suprize come yom ha-DIN!) They just silently work against any efforts the parents try to make to bring this kid back into the fold. In his own words: Why is it o.k. for these guys to smoke, play GOYISH rock music on purim, disturb their neighbor’s sleep, talk in the hall during davening (when they should be inside davening), play vollyball in short pants and t-shirts in public, surf the net, text on their cell phones in shul and stab you in the back and critisize you for doing what they do? They all a bunch of hypocrits!. Everyone loves to point fingers, how about looking in the mirror first?

  51. This article is obviously pointing fingers to the parents who ignore their childs problems or are too naïve to grasp that their child has a problem. It isn’t talking about u. U sound like u r doing ur utmost to help ur child out.

  52. #65 (15) you are correct. What I was trying to point out, however is that Neighbors can play a CRITICAL role in making or breaking a teen’s sence of self worth. Everyone is so busy blaming parents that they do not look at the big picture. Yes some parents live in denial. They don’t have a clue. They are busy with what they perceive as more important things. Guess what? NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is more important than our children. It was on THEIR garuntee that Torah was given to us in the first place. They ARE the future of Klal Yisroel and we had ALL better start treating them as such. There is no such thing as a despensible neshama. Hashem Should help all of us. Maybe a yom iyun Tefillah on this issue would be in order! Any Askanim out there?!!!

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