The following is a response to this letter.
Dear Editor,
I don’t usually write these things. Most weeks, by the time Shabbos comes in, I’m running on the same autopilot that carries me through the rest of my life. But this week something hit me, and I haven’t been able to shake it off.
We lit candles in the dining room — the one with the antique walnut table that cost more than my parents’ first house. The florist had sent over a massive arrangement that my wife forgot she ordered, so it sat between us like a polite but overconfident guest. The caterer dropped off the food early. Everything in little glass containers, labelled in handwriting nicer than mine.
It should have been perfect.
We made Kiddush. The wine was something rare — a bottle someone sent me after closing a deal last month. I’m told people wait years for it. I honestly couldn’t taste a difference. My son spilled some on the tablecloth and panicked; I told him it was fine, I’d just have someone come clean it on Sunday. He relaxed, but I didn’t. There was a strange moment — I don’t know how to describe it — where I suddenly felt like I had answered the wrong question. He wanted to know if he was in trouble. I told him if the tablecloth would be okay.
We sat down. Everything looked like a magazine spread. Perfect plating. No effort required from any of us. My wife made a joke about how the caterer seasons better than she does. We all laughed. For a second I wished the soup tasted a little too salty — just so it could feel like someone at home had made it.
After the fish course the kids asked if they could sing. I nodded, and they started the same songs they always do. I usually enjoy it, or at least pretend well enough. But this time I found myself glancing around the room — the chandelier, the custom cabinets, the art on the walls. All the things I bought because… well, because I could. Beautiful things, objectively. But I couldn’t find anything in the room that felt like mine. I mean, I paid for everything. But none of it felt connected to anything I actually cared about.
When the kids went to play, I stepped outside for a minute. The outdoor lights had come on automatically — another feature the contractor convinced me to install. The lawn looked like a photograph. Every blade of grass exactly where it should be. Not a sound. No cars, no phones, no emails. Just me, a perfect yard, and a feeling I couldn’t quite name.
I stood there thinking about last Shabbos, when I was in St. Barts. Before that: Aspen. Before that: Florence. All beautiful. All comfortable. All forgettable.
I don’t know when comfort turned into numbness, but it did.
Inside, my wife called me back for the main course. “You’re missing dinner!” she said. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t even tired. I just felt like I was walking through a very expensive museum of a life I was supposed to be impressed by.
There’s no grand ending to this. No lesson. No “aha” moment. Just a small, unsettling realization that somehow, somewhere along the way, ease replaced meaning. Options replaced desire. Luxury replaced feeling.
And the strangest part is: it was Shabbos that made me notice.
I’m not complaining. I know I’m blessed. I know plenty of people would trade lives with me and never look back. Maybe that’s why I’m writing this — because apparently a man can have everything, and still not recognize half of it when it’s sitting right in front of him.
Anyway. That was my Shabbos.
— A man with nothing to kvetch about, and therefore something to think about.
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Wow incredibly thought provoking…
“Some people are so poor, all they have is money….”
Actually, most “confident” entrepreneurs are actually highly traumatized individuals who’ve developed “avoidant attachment”. They aren’t in the struggle of connection. They are simply disconnected. They have no problem firing an employee and are unable to think in their terms in the slightest; basically so avoidant that they lack empathy. The path of רשעים. Heard from an אדם גדול.
Maybe learn an hour and of course be Maavir Sedra and say avort. And even go to A nice Chasiddish Tish and say the whole Tehilim over Shabboss and you’ll feel an uplifting Shabboss. Btw I’m a litvack.
Maybe he does all these things you suggest. The point if his letter is that many times we possess “materialistic possessions ” without realizing how it does not cause emotional satisfaction or feelings of success. They just become ” acquisitions “.
Poor thing. Such a struggle.
He did not state anywhere it was a struggle. He was expressing his epiphany.
Such a jealous comment and one that lacks depth and understanding. There’s many struggles not just monetary ones. CK your yichus bec that is not empathy
You are not fortunate at all. You are enjoying your Sechar in this world. Maybe ask yourself a very painful and sad question, what did you do wrong that you aren’t worthy that your Torah and Mitzvos (assumption there) are not ascending to the next world. See Michtav Meliyahu on parshas Toldos on the Birchas Yitzchok. It’s frightening.
I’m happy to help straight out your life asap
[email protected]
We do not know his level “of being worthy of mitzvos and Torah” all he is stating is his sudden observation of what is really important in life. He RECOGNIZES that it is hevel havalim. That takes intelligence and emotional maturity.
He did not do “anything wrong”to enjoy wealth on this world. Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi was a very wealthy man.
This is a pretty if ignorant comment. Many of the wealthiest Rabbanim in the Gemara are were also some of the greatest. Rebbe Yehuda Hanasi was never told he was cashing in his schar in this world. Being poor is a test, but so is being rich. You owe this person an apology.
There are two basic reasons why somebody would be rich:
1) Their unique עבודת השם is exclusively through their wealth. A luxurious lifestyle basically rules out this option.
2) Sechar in this world for deficient Mitzvos.
Listening to some “Reid” won’t give you a free Torah perspective on life. Learn through Mesillas Yesharim multiple times, then Derech Hashem multiple times and then Tanya…….
You will then finally start to understand what Daas Baal Babayis Hepech Daas Torah means.
Did you say “ignorant”. Think “projection”. What did Rebbe Yehuda Hanasi say before his Petira?…..”I have not benefited an iota”….his entire wealth was purely Leshem Shamayim.
Written by AI and a fanciful dream.
Does look like AI wrote it. But someone had to feed AI what message to give. What sentiments to express etc.
Stop it! Not every letter is AI.
Do people have such an inability to write flowingly that when someone knows a little how to write we say “can’t be! Obviously it’s AI!”
there are certain signs that something is written by AI. If you’ve used AI enough, you can spot it in a second.
How did you guess?
I’ve been following both of these letters and trying to compare them, and honestly, they’re the same story coming from two opposite lives.
The first writer was overwhelmed.
The second was over-comfortable. Different circumstances, same realization.
The real message behind BOTH letters is simple:
It doesn’t matter if you’re wealthy or struggling. If you’re honest for even one moment, Shabbos wakes up the part of you that refuses to live a shallow life. You feel that same pull toward something real.
All week long we hide behind noise, money, pressure, schedules, comfort, distractions. Shabbos strips all of that away and forces you to look at your life without filters.
It’s the one day you can’t drown yourself in anything, so the truth finally shows up.
And that’s why both men from completely different worlds ended up in the same place:
“Is this really the life I want?
Where’s the depth?
Where’s the meaning?”
Shabbos stopped them long enough to notice they’re running on empty.
That’s growth.
That’s self-awareness.
That’s the first step toward a deeper, more meaningful Shabbos NOT less Shabbos.
And the people who jump to “go get help” or “you need therapy” are avoiding the message. Instead of listening to what Shabbos is trying to tell all of us, they label anyone who speaks honestly as “broken,” just so they don’t have to look at their own struggles.
And that moment of clarity whether it comes from chaos or from comfort isn’t failure. It’s the beginning of wanting something real.
And that’s something to respect NOT shut down.
lol based on the comments in the previous letter everyone was angry at the guy that he can’t get his act together probably because it’s too close to home.
here everyone is understanding of this guy they can fargin his emtyness. Jealousy?
Almost certainly a troll.
And the great thing is, unlike some other letters that seem to be trolling, I don’t have to concern myself with whether pointing that out will hurt the feelings of someone genuinely suffering.
This guy is claiming to be doing alright and seems to have had a minor epiphany during the Seudah. Should have thick enough skin to handle being called a troll.
Actually what he’s saying is that he has come to the realization that he needs to change his life style. How he longs for a life of Torah first. How the financial success is no longer of value to him. That’s a persom growing in life.
I’m wondering if this is real only because, do wealthy people really hire caterers just for a typical Shabbos at home?
yes. to serve and clear. some also have a private chef that will cook the foods they enjoy.
Yes. I know someone with private chef and waiters for Shabbos. Its not called a caterer though.
This is called “having staff”
He’s saying that’s what he did. probably to make his wife feel like she has some enjoyment from his financial success. So he’s no longer happy, he will make her feel appreciated and have enjoyment in a more Torahidk lifestyle.
I can’t think of any easy solutions to enable the poor guy to turn his life around, but I think most of us can come up with lots of ways for the wealthy guy to start making changes. To me, that’s the key difference.
The rich guy wrote the letter saying he’s changing his life around. That’s the point of this letter.
forsure it’s AI. the letter said “dinner” instead of seuda. this wasnt a weekday meal, you wouldnt say dinner unless it was AI
This is a made up story.
Start teaching. That will give meaning. But you say I’m a Balabus! Well get involved with Kiruv for college students. There are ton of programs now that involve Balabatim sharing their experiences. I was just at H3 with a group of 15 students from Rutgers and NYU who came to meet balabatim. The students were getting inspired by seeing Yidden coming together to discuss Halacha of being in business and I was inspired to see these kids who didn’t grow up with shabbos, who still don’t often keep shabbos, find the beauty in our way of life. We run shabbatons all around the Lakewood area send over 50 kids a year to Lakewood internships with the help of Torah Links, have networking dinners in peoples homes, take community members on our trips to Poland,Montana, and Kerestor, run the J3 conference where students meet businessmen. Those students may or may not become fully frum but when they sit for a dinner with successful balabatim their perspective changes. When we through their eyes are forced to confront why we do what we do our lives are enriched. We run an organization called JX which runs Meor and Olami campuses and ask around your shul or friend network. People have our number and we are always looking for more people to get involved. After all that’s how we can bring our brothers and sisters home to your and their beautiful shabbos.
It’s been said that money can’t buy happiness but few believe that. Most believe that happiness comes from owning the next obsession. The wealthy can chase that belief while the poor cannot. A wealthy man is blessed not because of riches but because he gets the rare opportunity to learn the lesson that material possessions aren’t what they seem. When the glimmer fades, when the shiny dulls and when the temporary joy leaves you, all that is left is you.
These stories are obviously all made up with a ton of AI. Tons of em dashes and written in a way that none of us talk or think.
never happened, stop sending in fake letters to TLS just to feel good about yourself.
Em dashes are not a proof of AI– I always use them.
The writing was probably AI. The details, probably extremely accurate.
It’s unfortunate that whenever I write something even just to a colleague at work they think that I wrote it with AI because I did very well in English composition years ago in Yeshiva.
You can’t write anything well nowadays without someone claiming it’s AI.
How low is the bar that this is considered too polished for someone to have written? It’s written in a deliberate kind of talking style.
You also think every writer in the magazines are also AI?
So letter writer, what will you do to change that? (Assuming you’re discontent with your current state)?
How about you not judge his dilema.
I’m not judging. I’m simply stating and noting his sentiment expressed in the letter.
I was just trying to bring out a point.
No one would ever write such a letter in real time.
Sorry for fooling some of you.
I am the one person who knows that you are not the author. Why would you take the credit?
A normal persons response.
Life is busy, it’s hard to support a large frum family. I come home from work on Thursday and I’m so exhausted how can I possibly start cooking?.. but I do! And I make extra because shabbos should be beautiful for the family. My husband finishes work on Friday and despite his exhaustion and the mounting bills- he gets ready for shabbos with a shabbos soundtrack in the background. I light candles and my husband is downstairs and ready because we value bringing shabnos in calmly.The table is set and there’s a glow in our home. My husband and sons come home from shul and they sing and argue and laugh and bother each other, and resignedly listen to the little ones break their teeth over their dvar torahs! It’s messy and alive and beautiful. We play, we read, and argue over the latest articles… discuss the shul hock.. learn,daven, say tehillim, take walks…etc… We struggle/ work all week and thank Hashem for shabbos so we can recoup and do it all again and again!! This difficult life that we davened so hard for!
This is all a precursor to Yaakov Shwekey’s New book “The Music of Shabbos” Quote From Yaakov “The radak says the Whole point of Shabbos Seudos is to sing zemiros” – Available from Artscroll or a bookstore near you!
Pirkei Avot, any one?
Enjoy your wealth in good health
Here is a special insight about borrowing for Shabbos Kodesh.
The Erech Shai was the Posek Hador in the late 1800s. He said a pshat as follows: Chazal made two seemingly contradictory statements about spending for Shabbos. On the one hand, they say that Hashem says לוו עלי ואני פורע – borrow on My account and I will repay. On the other hand, they say עשה שבתך חול ואל תצטרך לבריות – make your Shabbos as weekday, and don’t come on to people. The Erech Shai explains: ‘לוו עלי’ – if you’re borrowing for Hashem לשם שמים, for His Shabbos, then He’ll pay back. However, if it is ‘שבתך’ – if it’s just for your enjoyment – Hashem does not fund it. [ערך ש”י שו”ע או”ח סי’ רמ”ב]
If you’d realize that there are so many people suffering and find just one family u could help , you’d feel much better