I recently met an older man fishing by the Manasquan Reservoir.
He had fishing poles, gear, and a whole suitcase full of specialized equipment for catching fish. Making small talk, he told me he spends nearly $25,000 a year on fishing supplies and accessories, even taking fishing trips deep in the ocean on chartered boats. For context, he’s not a millionaire; he’s a simple forklift driver working in a local warehouse.
I asked him how he could afford to spend all that money on what is clearly a hobby. He said if something’s a priority to you, then you find ways to fund it. His goal in life is to be a fisherman catching big fish, and he spends whatever money he has to support his passion.
This got me thinking about our own frum community.
Lately, there’s been a lot of chatter about how our local schools are in severe deficit. Rebbeim are not being paid, teachers are owed months of back pay, and parents are feeling the squeeze.
I know in my own child’s school there was a meeting among the parents to discuss what could be done to help cover the deficit. Many ideas were raised, and everyone had different opinions about why the budget is so tight right now.
The point isn’t what was discussed at the meeting. The point is what happened after the meeting.
After the meeting ended, everyone walked off into the parking lot and drove off in their fancy Acuras and Teslas, to their McMansions with pools and jacuzzis, and enjoyed dinner that night eating aged Wagyu beef at the newest local gourmet restaurant.
Talk about priorities.
If we claim our priorities involve Torah-true living, then our lifestyle should reflect that.
But if our lifestyle shows anything but that, then it obviously and clearly conveys what our priorities are.
Moose knuckles? Yes. Mishnayos? Not as much.
So if the yeshiva budget is not met or there’s not enough funding for the local night kollel, there’s no need to blame the economy or inflation or the Federal Reserve.
We can just take a hard look in the Restoration Hardware-inspired, mahogany-trimmed, Italian designer mirror.
T.A.M.
TLS welcomes your letters by submitting them to [email protected]
Wow! ALL the parents at your school can afford that lifestyle!? I can’t. Wonder how many others reading this feel the same.
Perhaps this fellow was invited to an exclusive meeting with Elite parents…
I thought this was going in a different direction.
Are we going to talk about the decisions some of the school owners are making when deciding to build 20 plus million dollar buildings.
If “Everyone left in their Tesla’s and acuras” then you have a point.
Something tells me that wasn’t the case… the middle class (probably the highest percentage of the class) and kollel/lower class families in almost all cases are STRUGGLING now. That’s a fact not an opinion.
You’re not the first one to mention gashmius in Lakewood but it’s a MINORITY. Sorry but not sorry
Most parents do not have fancy cars or fancy homes and are struggling to pay tuition as tuition just goes up and up, and the more kids one has, the cost is exponentially higher. Stop painting the entire community with your narrow-minded lens.
Well written. Reminds me of a pamphlet about an Amish village. Now the Amish have problems, but the pamphlet spelled one thing out and if you go the an Amish area you’ll see it’s true. The pamphlet said ‘The Amish live simple lives, not because they are poor, but because they choose to.’
That needs to be said about us. The gashmius needs to be toned down. We need to appreciate the simple life. Simple dress, cars and lifestyle. I’m happy with my 8 year old car. It’s paid for and in great condition. The race to the top of the Mt Gashmius is a fickle goal
Great letter! I work in a school, and all people want are breaks!! Do they think twice about the expensive food in their grocery cart? The amount of cleaning help they have? The _th skirt/top/coat their daughter wants, the vacation they go on, etc? Not much, but tuition? It’s the first thing we downsize on.
This doesn’t only pertain to the rich. Even the middle class who struggle terribly (of which I am a part), if we’d take one thing off our “need list”, as small as not buying 5 dips for shabbos, the flowers, the sushi, or the one-off take out, we’d be able afford the small monthly hike in tuition. Just a thought
Again, painting everyone with a broad brush.
Everyone can point to someone else and tell them to stop spending on whatever, including yourself. If you think that you’re above reproach, your deluding yourself.
As @TheConsultant said, Stop painting everyone through you narrow minded lens.
Let’s hope this gets resolved soon and stop pointing fingers. It just distracts from teaching a solution…
Guess what we don’t ever buy dips or sushi or takeout. I haven’t bought myself clothes in I don’t know how long.
We still don’t have enough money.
It’s the whole jewish life that has to change – the vort, the weddings- yes even takana weddings with minimum. U can’t expect people not to do the bare minimum of what is “normal”.
We waste way too much money on weddings. All the money raised for weddings could be better spent on tuition. We never learnt anything from covid. Chaval.
so far all I still see every school building new building fancier than the previous, so please stop shifting the blame on the parents being wasteful on their money, and let the schools do their own part of not wasting klal money,
Huh! Just the opposite: The parents whom left in Lexus’s & BMW’s pay their full tuition, many are not as successful as they look but they do earn enough to pay, but not much more besides full tuition.
The parents whom left in dulled out 2005 Sienna’s and live in beat up little town homes with 12 kids are those whom pay next to nothing.
The problem is that in NJ yeshiva’s are not getting much money from the state. If they try to take any money from the state they’ll wind up like Rabbi Eiseman.
In NYC and Upstate NY Chasidishe Yeshivas milk all that they can from the state of which the parents don’t have to pay much.
Hey Mutty, What percentaage of your 300K salary goes to tuition?? As a kollel family, I could attest that we dont pay “next to nothing” our rate is only slightly lower than yours, yet it is more than half my salary.
If you aren’t as successful as you look – this article is pecisely for you. It means you are spending to knock everyone’s eyes out & you cant even afford it!
People like you and author of this letter seem to be extremely judgemental and financially unaware. Actually it seems that you are the ones gashmiyus obsessed, pointing at every little wrong “extras” people afford, and jealous of those who overindulging.
I have not been on vacation last 15 years, making everything homemade (your sushi, etc),never buy take out (pizza maximum one pie yes), carnations for yomtov for flowers bc $5 bunch. My kids don’t care brand names,and I don’t buy everything in the grocery,only necessity and cheapest. Necessity means kleins ice cream is a treat and special occasion event. Why do I have to incur additional strain, being overworked and maxed out, if so much people around decided to live luxury life? Never lived it and not planning,but now I have to pay more and more . Stop assuming everyone overspends, this is ridiculous.
This is extremely black and white article, unless you attended parlor meeting for very rich and you refer to specific rich crowd in Lakewood. I don’t even know how to identify Accura😂if this is the case and in your school people really live like that,it is fair to increase tuition and that you should pay it.
What would happen if everyone applies for public school for the upcoming year. Would this shock the Government into negotiating and covering our tuitions which would cost them a lot less?
They know we will never send to public school. They know that’s an empty threat. So they’re not concerned. They’ll keep taking our tax money and sending it over to the Abbott districts while we all pay out twice.
If this is the case in your school, so be it.
For the most part schools around town struggle to find the balance between charging enough to keep the school running smoothly and not charging so much as to put families into bankruptcy.
The justifications to charge more tuition are all there: inflation, increased cost of living for rebbeim, increased labor costs, and the fact that tuition has not increased with proportion of the other rising costs.
The reason most schools haven’t raised tuitions to $15,000 is that the majority of parents are struggling to pay what they already are paying. The vast majority of parents are living within their means and cannot afford to do any more than they already are. The examples you give of “wealth” by talking about cars is very shallow as for many people these vehicles are the cheapest means to an end (think heavily subsidized Tesla) other times these vehicles are provided by their employer and in yet other instances these vehicles were the only option available to meet their needs (remember how hard it was to get a minivan last year? You could have gotten a Mazda cx90 with eight seats very easily for less than a Sienna).
So in short, while I am not proposing any solutions, at least I am not passing (uninformed) judgement on my fellow Jews. Can we just acknowledge the issue without casting blame?
If I would feel for a second that the school has my daughter as a priority instead of the name of the school or their pocket, I would make the school a priority as well
I believe you severely missed the boat. As someone who drives a Tesla and more importantly pays full tuition, I run in those circles. I’ll tell it’s not that I don’t donate money to organizations. It’s that I won’t donate one penny to schools. The minute schools decided to be picky who they take, to treat parents like trash, to act like a business instead of a non profit dedicated to educating all children was the minute my mindset changed. I will never donate to schools. When you donate to RCCS or Hatzolah you get a feeling that you are doing good, that for every flaw there is amazing work being done, that they don’t say no to anyone, that they are always there for the community. The money you donate isn’t gone, it’s an investment in the community.
Can you say the same for schools? No, they act like a mafia and bully people into doing what they demand. Hanging the threat of expulsion over the heads of innocent children. You got a license? No diploma for you! Oh well, I guess you’re at the find out stage. For years they acted like the owners had all the power… well guess what, they don’t.
PS Tesla leases are cheap, 300 a month with zero down because of tax incentives. Plus you save on gas so don’t judge a book by its cover.
Are you saying for a fact that certain schools won’t grant a student’s diploma if he/she obtained a driver’s license? Is this a recent stringency?.
Sir, I’m sure that you’re a nice guy, but when you signed up you agreed to keep their rules. Can’t blame them when you were the one to breach the contract.
Wow! A little self reflection goes a long way ..
You want to live your life that way you feel, but want the schools to look the other way.
If you think that schools having basic standards is a problem, that’s very telling…
Bingo! Most organizations, from Hatzolah to chai lifeline to tomchei Shabbos, are loved by the community. Most mosdos are not. There’s a reason why. Enough said. I hope the school owners are reading all these comments, and take them to heart…
I followed all the rules in my school and didn’t get my diploma cuz a quiz got lost. I totally agree that many girls schools are not caring enough about all the girls.
Actually, the reason why these organizations are loved and not our schools, is because the chesed organizations are here to provide blank checks to help people, whereas schools are here to be mechanech children. People who are not used to the concept of tough love just don’t get it. I hope their children don’t become their biggest nightmares.
The Gemara says somewhere that a Rov who is liked by his kehilla is not doing a good job (paraphrased)…
Schools should open their books and show parents what the Financials look like.
There may even be a parent who can show them where they are losing money.
You are so completely misguided it’s not only scary it’s alarmingly disgusting!
What percentage of an actual parent body are realistically living like this?!
My god you missed the boat.
How about focus on the countless campaigns to fund these 5,10 million dollar buildings! Who’s paying those mortgages! The parents pay enough money already how about the people that run the schools be more responsible!
What about the people that do live simple lives? Almost every year since my children have entered school the tuition keeps rising. They don’t even ask. They just send a new contract with new prices for each child. So someone like myself who is paying multiple tuitions, my rates go up every year. My salary isn’t going up. My expenses went up significantly. I lost clients because they can’t pay. The building funds…….. The trip costs……… Daycamp………… etc. etc. etc. etc.
So stop with the 2 people that actually look for a bargain and focus on the thousands and thousands that have their priorities right and are struggling to make their payments.
So what I do is agree with everything the school asks for but I stipulate that if I have the money then my card will go through, if not, not. And I stopped giving to dinners and extra donations. I just can’t afford it. Now at the end of the year, I owe 11k in tuition between 4 schools. I paid 25k and owe 11k. I also paid a tutor and a chavrusa and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, stop with the finger pointing and blaming and all the other idiosyncratic petty finger pointing. It is rough times and that’s it. Kla Yisroel is the best!!
So dumb. The first place you should be giving to is the one that your entire olam hazeh and olam haba is contingent on. Those are your children!! Your doros!! Are you so self centered that your daas baalhabayis is so messed up because you have a few dollars and can say “day’is” on who to take into schools? If your kis was with one of the children that didn’t get accepted, you’d kick and scream!! Groisse chuchim!!!
baal habas has it correct. let the schools stop acting like a mafia, ,and stop making super fancy buildings. then tell us about your problems. Also they can stop with their absurd chumras. Case in point: school says your children can only bring snacks with a hamisher hechsher, yet for breakfast the school serves the kids cheerios. (since its cheaper)
these type of letters really (moderated) me off
1. The cars – many people need a reliable car and they have to lease what they can afford and whats on sale that month, NOONE in Lakewood is walking around with showoff cars, each one got a deal that they acn handle.
2. the mc mansions? You have no idea how much they pay for the mcmansions in mortgages and taxes per month
3. and the wago beef , c’mon , u wrote that in just to make yourself sound smart
What do you mean by #2?
If you meant their mortgage is so high that they don’t have extra $$, those are the priorities that the writer was referring to.
If that’s not what you meant then please clarify.